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‘The One with the Chicken Pox’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Friends: The One with the Chicken Pox

223. The One with the Chicken Pox

Aired May 9, 1996

Phoebe is excited to spend time with an old boyfriend who's ashore for two weeks, until she comes down with chicken pox. Meanwhile, Chandler regrets giving Joey a job at his office when he takes on a new persona, and Monica is bugged that Richard doesn't have any quirks after she reveals her own obsessive compulsions.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Look, Joey. I'm sorry. I realize this is the role of a lifetime for you and if I could just fire Joseph, I would. But unfortunately that's not possible. So I'm going to have to let both of you go.
Joey: What are you talking about? Everybody loves Joseph.
Chandler: I don't. I hate Joseph. Okay, I think he's a brown-nosing suck-up.
Joey: Oh, yeah? Well you can't fire Joseph. You know why? Because he's not in your department.
Chandler: All right, okay. All right. So I can't fire Joseph but I can sleep with his wife.
Joey: Not Karen!
Chandler: Yeah, I'm thinking about having an affair with her. You know what? I just did.
Joey: Oh! What the hell are you doing to me, man?
Chandler: Oh, it's not me. It's my character! Chandie. Yeah, the rogue processor who seduces his coworkers' wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler.
In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer!
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, freak show, she's fictional.

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Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Oh, Chandler, Mon, there's only one banana-nut muffin left.
Monica: I ordered mine first.
Chandler: Yeah, but I'm so much faster.
Monica: Give it to me.
Chandler: No.
Monica: Give it to me!
Chandler: Okay, you can have it. [Chandler licks the muffin]
Monica: There you go. Enjoy your coffee.
Chandler: That was there when I got here.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: No, he's my submarine guy. He resurfaces every couple years and we have an amazing three days together. Only this time, he's coming for 2 weeks. Two whole weeks, which means "yea"!
Rachel: So this guy goes down for, like, two years at a time?
[Chandler tries to say something, but he has a mouthful of muffin]
Monica: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
Chandler: [aggravated mumble]

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got chickenpox.
Rachel: Oh, no.
Ross: Yeah, so if you haven't had it, chances are you'll get it.
Rachel: I've had it.
Joey: I've had it.
Monica: Had it.
Chandler: Had it.
Phoebe: I've never had it. I feel so left out. Oh, look!

Quote from Monica

Richard: Are you remaking the bed?
Monica: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know, the way you did it, it was just fine.
Richard: Then you're redoing it because?
Monica: If I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy.
Richard: You're pretty much running that risk either way.
Monica: Okay. You see the duvet tag shouldn't be at the top left corner it should be at the bottom right corner.
Richard: Uh-uh. That's not so crazy.
Monica: I'm just easing you in. All right. You see these little flower blossoms? They should be facing up not down because, well, the head of the bed is where the sun would be. You don't love me anymore, do you?
Richard: Actually, if it's possible, I love you more.
Monica: Really? Wow. Well, then, come on. I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Joey, I'm just saying, if you need something to hold you over I can get you a job here as an entry-level processor.
Joey: But don't you need experience like this?
Chandler: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you don't know what you're doing, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbiani. Joey is a fellow processor.
Scott Alexander: No kidding?
Joey: Oh, yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.
Scott Alexander: Where do you work?
Joey: Well, right now, I'm in between things. You know how it is, one day you're processing, the next day you're not so much processing anymore.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: I'm hideous!
Monica: It's gonna be okay. Hey, Ryan's been underwater. He's just gonna be glad you don't have barnacles on your butt.

Quote from Phoebe

Ryan: Hey, baby, I'm back.
Phoebe: Hey, Ryan. What's up?
Ryan: What's going on?
Phoebe: No, no. You have to stay back. I have the pox.
Ryan: Chicken or small?
Phoebe: Chicken, which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian.

Quote from Phoebe

Ryan: Why aren't you home in bed?
Phoebe: My grandmother's never had chickenpox. Please tell me you have, because oh, my God, I forgot how cute you are.
Ryan: I'm sorry, I never had them. If I had one wish, I'd go back to when I was 7 when Jimmy Hauser had chickenpox, and I'd just rub that kid all over my face.
Phoebe: Yeah, or you could wish that I didn't have them now.

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