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28Quotes from ‘The One with the Tiny T-Shirt’

Friends: The One with the Tiny T-Shirt

319. The One with the Tiny T-Shirt

Aired March 27, 1997

When Rachel is asked out for the first time since she broke up with Ross, she accepts she needs to move on and decides to return a box of Ross's stuff. Meanwhile, Joey can't stop thinking about his frustrating new co-star, Kate, and Monica realizes she doesn't feel anything for Pete.

Quote from Gunther

Rachel: All right, let's go shopping.
Mark: Before we go, there's something I need to say. I've kind of had this crush on you. Since you were with Ross, I didn't do anything about it. But now that you're not, I'd really like to ask you out sometime. So that's what I'm doing .. now.
[Gunther goes out back. A huge clatter is heard, followed by another. Gunther returns.]
Gunther: I dropped a cup.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, why isn't it "Spiderman"? Like Goldman, Silverman?
Chandler: Because it's not his last name.
Phoebe: It isn't?
Chandler: It's not, like ... Phil Spiderman. He's a Spider-Man: You know, like, Goldman is a last name. But there's no Gold-Man.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. There should be a Gold-Man!

Quote from Chandler

Ross: He's going in. He's going in. The door's closed. I can't see anything with the door closed.
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: [entering the apartment] Oh, Mommy. Oh, Daddy. I am a big old baddy. Oh, Mommy. Oh, Daddy. I am a big old baddy. [leaves]
Ross: I guess he must've gotten the part in that play.
Chandler: Either that, or Gloria Estefan was right. Eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.

Quote from Gunther

Gunther: [inner monologue] "Say, Rachel l was wondering if you'd go to a movie with me sometime ... as my lover. Too out there. Maybe you'd like to get something to eat with me sometime ... as my lover."

Quote from Joey

Kate: Where do I know you from?
Joey: Dr. Drake Ramoray? Days of our Lives? Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen Beat?
Kate: No, that's not it. So you're a soap actor. Well, this must be exciting for you, being in a real play.
Joey: Hey, I've done plays before. I'm a serious actor.
Kate: That infomercial. For the milk-carton-spout thing. You're the guy who doesn't know how to pour milk.
Joey: See, I actually can pour milk. But I got you believing that I couldn't. Now, see, that's acting.
Kate: Right. At the end, you choked on a cookie.
Joey: Yeah, that was real.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: But it was so strange. I mean, I'm standing there with this charming, cute guy who's asking me to go out with him, which I'm allowed to do and I felt guilty, like I'd be cheating on Ross or something.
Phoebe: Wow. So, okay, maybe that means you're not over Ross yet and you have issues with your father.
Rachel: I don't have issues with my father.
Phoebe: Okay. So it's probably just the Ross thing.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I hate this woman. I hate her. She told everyone about that infomercial and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. And whenever I can't do it, they're all, like, laughing at me.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Hey, this was a gift.
Rachel: Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.
Ross: It's still a gift. I got it from the "gift" shop.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: You know what? You should, like, buy a state and then just name it after yourself.
Pete: Like, "Pete Dakota"?
Phoebe: Or "Mississi-Pete."
Joey: Oh, oh, I got it: "Pete Chicago."
Chandler: That's not a state, Joe.
Joey: Oh, and "Mississi-Pete" is?

Quote from Chandler

Ross: I knew it. I knew it. I always knew she liked him. She'd say no, but here we are. We just broke up, first thing she does.
Chandler: You didn't "just break up."
Ross: Hey, it's been, like, three weeks.
Chandler: You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean, bullets have left guns slower.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: So what kind of powers would "Gold Man" have?
Phoebe: Okay. Well, he would turn things to gold.
Chandler: What about things that are already gold?
Phoebe: Ah, his work is done.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Okay, I have a friend, Jimmy Tupperman, what would his powers be?
Chandler: Tupper Man! He would keep criminals fresh until the police came.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Where's the rest of my stuff? Like my ... Hey, this book is mine. And that T-shirt you sleep in? I'd like that back too. Yes, I do.
Rachel: You know how much I love that T-shirt. You never even wear that T-shirt.
Ross: I'm just trying to help you "move on."
Rachel: Oh, you are a petty man. You are a petty, petty-
Ross: Petty.
Rachel: -petty, petty. Small.
Ross: Small.
Rachel: You are so just doing this out of spite.
Ross: Oh, no. I'm gonna wear this all the time. I love this shirt!
Rachel: You haven't worn that t-shirt since you were 15. It doesn't even fit you anymore.
Ross: Okay, okay. [puts on the tiny t-shirt] If you don't mind, I'm gonna take the rest of my stuff ... and "relax" in my favorite shirt.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: All right, let's go shopping! I got a positive balance on my credit card and I want to use it up before Citibank goes under.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Hello, people who do not live here. I gave you a key for emergencies.
Phoebe: We were out of Doritos.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Hey, how'd the date go with Mr. Millionaire?
Chandler: "Mr. Millionaire. New, from Snooty Playthings. Third wife sold separately."

Quote from Chandler

Monica: It's driving me crazy. In every other way, he's the perfect guy. He has everything. Plus, he actually has everything.
Chandler: Life-sized lmperial Storm Troopers from Sharper lmage?
Monica: Two.
Chandler: Wow. Can Joey and I put them on and fight?

Quote from Joey

Joey: So the play's pretty great, huh?
Kate: Oh, yeah. I love Jennifer Banberry's work. She's so incisive when it comes to deconstructing the middle class.
Joey: Oh, forget about it. She rocks.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: What do you think she wants?
Ross: Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realizes that life without me ... sucks.
Chandler: It's possible. You are very lovable. I'd miss you if I broke up with you. Just trying to be supportive.
Ross: Well, be supportive like a guy.
Chandler: [deeper voice] If I broke up with you, I'd miss you.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Okay, I'm running out of places I can touch him. Is something wrong with me? Why am I only attracted to guys with no future? Either they're too old, or they're too young.
And there's Pete, who's crazy about me, and he's absolutely perfect, and there's zip going on. Does it sound like something's wrong with me?
Phoebe: Yeah, kind of.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Ross, you gotta stop, okay? You can't stare through the peephole for three hours. You're gonna get peep-eye.

Quote from Rachel

Mark: Why do all your coffee mugs have numbers?
Rachel: Oh, that's so Monica can keep track. That way if one of them's missing, she can be like, "Where's number 27?"

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Just because she went to Yale, she thinks she's the greatest actress ... since sliced bread.
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread. A wonderful Lady Macbeth.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please try and stay focused on my problem here?
Chandler: I'm talking about you, you big, big freak.
Joey: Oh. You're out of your mind.
Chandler: Hey, you have done nothing but talk about her for 48 hours. If you were in a school yard, you'd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now.
Joey: Then how come I keep thinking about her in all these sexual scenarios and stuff?

Quote from Monica

Monica: He's great. We have such a good time together. He's so funny and so sweet. And I'm not attracted to him at all.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: I can blow-dry it, gel it. It doesn't matter. I still wind up with this little cowlick-y thing on the middle part of my head. It's so annoying. Does it bug you?
Ross: You bug me.

Quote from Monica

Pete: Can I ask you something? Where are we?
Monica: Well, with all these doctors and nurses, I'm gonna say, "Midget Rodeo."

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