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‘The One Hundredth’ Quotes

Friends: The One Hundredth

503. The One Hundredth

Aired October 8, 1998

The group follow Phoebe to the hospital when she goes into labor. Meanwhile, Chandler is upset when Rachel sets Monica up on a date, and Joey has his own painful delivery after he's diagnosed with kidney stones.

Quote from Ross

Ross: To be fair, he doesn't seem to be impersonating Fonzie-
Phoebe: What are you doing? Why are you defending him? Just get me another doctor who is not crazy and does not Fonzie.
Ross: Again, it's not that he-
Phoebe: Aah! Aah!

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Quote from Joey

Doctor: Now, ordinarily, Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break the stones up with shock waves. But they're too close to the bladder. Which means we can either we wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra-
Joey: Whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no. Nothing is going up, okay? Up is not an option. What's a urethra? [Monica whispers in Joey's ear] Are you crazy?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hi, I'm Phoebe Buffay and I have babies coming out of me.

Quote from Phoebe

Nurse: Have you started having contractions?
Phoebe: Not yet. But I've heard they really hurt. Do they?
Nurse: Well-
Phoebe: Oh, my God.
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father?
Phoebe: No, none of them are. The father is my brother.
Nurse: Okay.
Rachel: I am so going to miss watching you freak people out like that.

Quote from Monica

Ross: Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did.
Monica: Well, we had to go back because I forgot my jacket.
Chandler: That's right.
Rachel: You're not wearing a jacket.
Monica: Oh, man. I did it again!

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Phoebe, it's gonna be okay.
Phoebe: Easy for you to say. I don't see three kids coming out of your vagina.

Quote from Joey

Joey: And l-[screaming]
Chandler: Are you okay?
Joey: Something hurts.
Phoebe: Ooh, it's sympathy pains. That's so sweet.
Joey: Great. I didn't know I cared that much.

Quote from Phoebe

Dr. Harad: Hi, Phoebe. I'm Dr. Harad. I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know you're going to be in good hands. I've been doing this a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal. In the mean time, just relax because everything looks great.
And also, I love Fonzie.
Chandler: Did he just say he loves Fonzie?
Monica: That's what it sounded like.
Chandler: All right.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Where's Alice?
Frank: Delaware. She's on her way, though. So until she gets here, I'll be your coach. Don't worry. She told me about the LaMazda stuff.
Chandler: Yeah, that's when if your babies out by the end of month's they give you two percent financing.
Frank: Yeah.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Monica, you're gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.
Joey: Oh, my!
Rachel: They are male nurses.
Joey: Not in my head.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Okay, I'm having another one. This one doesn't hurt eith- Yes, it does! Ow. Ow, ow, ow. Ow! [looks under her blanket] Oh, I was kind of hoping that was it.

Quote from Phoebe

Frank: What's with him?
Phoebe: Sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's trying to steal my thunder.

Quote from Chandler

Dr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Oh, you know, Fonzie dated triplets.
Chandler: This Fonzie person you keep referring to is that another doctor?
Dr. Harad: Oh, no, no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.
Chandler: All right.

Quote from Phoebe

Frank: It's not that weird, is it?
Phoebe: It's very weird. I don't want some guy down there telling me I'm "dilated-a-mundo."

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Phoebe, this is Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.
Phoebe: Hi. You're going into what grade?
Dr. Oberman: I'm actually a first-year resident, but I get that along. See, I graduated early.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, uh-uh. Me too. Ross, maybe I should have specified that I'd be needing a grown-up doctor.
Dr. Oberman: Oh, no. Really, I'm fully qualified-
Phoebe: Doogie! Ssh. Doesn't anybody understand that I'm going to be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go, little boy! Go!
Frank: Oh, cool. You made him cry.

Quote from Joey

Doctor: Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones.
Joey: Well, what else could it be?
Doctor:It's kidney stones.
Joey: Or...?
Doctor: Kidney stones.

Quote from Phoebe

Dr. Harad: Oh, you're getting there. These babies are very, very lucky.
Phoebe: They are? Why?
Dr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on the Fonz's half-birthday.
Phoebe: Happy Birthday.
Dr. Harad: Just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Honey, I just got to tell you. I think it's a terrific thing that you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.
Phoebe: No, it is. Can I tell you a little secret?
Rachel: Yeah.
Phoebe: I want to keep one.
Rachel: Oh, I'm gonna be on the news.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: You know who I always liked? Mork.
[Dr. Farad stares icily at Rachel]
Phoebe: Undo it. Undo it.
Dr. Farad: Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie.
Rachel: Yeah... Yes, but Fonzie was already cool. So he wasn't hurt. Right?
Dr. Farad: Yeah, that's right.

Quote from Phoebe

Frank: Hey. You know, Alice is going to be here, like, so soon. You couldn't just do me a favor and, like, hold them in?
Phoebe: Sorry, Frank, I'm kind of in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do.

Quote from Joey

Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing.
[Joey gets a determined look on his face]
Doctor: Wait, wait, wait. It's almost time to try peeing.

Quote from Phoebe

Dr. Farad: You ready to push again?
Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone.

Quote from Chandler

Frank: Chandler's a girl.
Chandler: Oh, God. Kindergarten flashback.
Frank: They must have read the sonogram wrong, because they thought it was a boy. But Chandler's a girl. Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Okay, keep saying it.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: So here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do. But they were wrong, this is.
Well, I had the most fun with you guys. I wish I could take you home and see you every day.
Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me.
Okay, so we're cool. We're gonna be great. Little high-fives. Well, if you're going to cry...

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Phoebe, we are so proud of you. You're amazing.
Phoebe: I know.
Rachel: So does it really hurt as bad as they say?
Phoebe: Yeah, you won't be able to take it.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: So now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they going to name her?
Phoebe: They're going to call her Chandler.
Chandler: Kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Phoebe: It works on you.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Oh, my God!
Ross: You did it, man.
Doctor: Would you like to see them?
Joey: They're so small.


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