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‘The One with the Breast Milk’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Breast Milk

202. The One with the Breast Milk

Aired September 28, 1995

Despite criticising Chandler and Joey for being uncomfortable around Carol as she breast-fed Ben, Ross is freaked out when Phoebe tastes Carol's breast milk. Meanwhile, Rachel feels betrayed when Monica spends time with Ross's new girlfriend, Julie, while Joey faces competition at work when a new cologne spritzer moves in on his area.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: You were with Julie?
Monica: Look, when it started, I was just trying to be nice to her because she was my brother's girlfriend. And then one thing led to another and before I knew it, we were shopping.
Rachel: Oh. Oh, my God!
Monica: Honey, wait, we only did it once. It didn't meant anything to me.
Rachel: Yeah, right, sure.
Monica: Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right? I never meant for you to find out.
Rachel: Oh, please! Please! You wanted to get caught!
Monica: That is not true!
Rachel: Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in here?
Monica: Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that stupid?
Rachel: Okay, Monica, I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's? [Monica is silent, Rachel whimpers] Okay, I just really need to not be with you right now.

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Quote from Phoebe

Joey: Monica, what are you doing? You can't go shopping with her. What about Rachel?
Monica: This is going to be a problem, isn't it?
Chandler: I mean, come on. You're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie. It's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
Monica: But I-
Phoebe: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street!

Quote from Chandler

Carol: How did we do?
Phoebe: I tasted Ben's milk and Ross freaked out.
Ross: I did not freak out.
Carol: Why'd you freak out?
Ross: Because it's breast milk. It's gross!
Carol: My breast milk is gross?
Susan: This should be fun.
Ross: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just don't think breast milk is for adults.
Chandler: Of course, the packaging does appeal to grownups and kids.

Quote from Ross

Carol: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it. It's no big deal. Come on, just taste it.
Ross: That would be no.
Joey: Come on. Try it.
Phoebe: It's natural. It doesn't taste bad.
Joey: Yeah, it tastes kind of sweet. Sort of like.
Ross: Like what?
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
Joey: Exactly.
Ross: You've tasted it? You've tasted it?
Susan: Uh-huh.
Ross: Oh, you've tasted it.
Susan: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.
Ross: [rolls up his sleeve] Give me the bottle. [squeezes drops on to his arm] Get me the towel. [wipes them off, then storms out]

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You know, it's. [sees Carol breast feeding] Something funny about sneakers. I'll be right back.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Hey, what are you guys doing?
Chandler: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?
Ross: Look, will you guys grow up? This is the most natural, beautiful thing in the world.
Joey: Yeah, we know. But there's a baby sucking on it.

Quote from Joey

Ross: This is my son having lunch, okay? It'll happen a lot, so get used to it. If you have a problem, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it. Come on.
Chandler: Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?
Carol: Sure.
Joey: Does it hurt?
Carol: It did at first, but not anymore.
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: So, how often can you do it?
Carol: As much as he needs.
Joey: Okay, I got one, I got one. If he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?

Quote from Rachel

Julie: Oh, you're losing your apron. Here let me get it for you. There you go.
Rachel: Thank you. [after Julie goes] What a bitch!

Quote from Phoebe

Julie: Oh, listen guys, I have this friend at Bloomingdale's who's quitting tomorrow and wants to abuse his discount. Anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?
Phoebe: Oh, I can't. I have to take my grandmother to the vet.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: [entering the coffee shop] Hi, honey.
Chandler: Hey, sweetums.
Ross: And hello to the rest.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: We were shopping and we had lunch.
Phoebe: All right. What did I have?
Monica: You had a salad.
Phoebe: Oh. No wonder I don't feel full.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Hi, guys. What's up?
Phoebe: I went shopping with Monica all day and I had a salad.
Rachel: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?
Phoebe: Uhm, we went shopping for, uhm. For. Fur. For fur.
Rachel: You went shopping for fur?
Phoebe: Yeah. And then I realized that l'm against that. And, so, then we bought some. [Monica gestures to her breasts] Boobs.
Rachel: You bought boobs?
Phoebe: [Monica pulls out her bra strap] Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.

Quote from Ross

Carol: And this is Funny Clown. It's only for after his naps, not before, or he won't sleep.
Ross: Carol, we've been through this before. We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.

Quote from Susan

Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.

Quote from Susan

Rachel: Oh, this is so cute!
Susan: I got that for him!
Ross: "My Mommies Love Me." That's clever.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Ben, dinner!
Ross: Thanks, Aunt Pheebs. You didn't microwave that, did you? Because it's breast milk and you're not supposed to do that.
Phoebe: Duh. I think I know how to heat breast milk.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: What did you just do?
Phoebe: I licked my arm, what?
Ross: It's breast milk!
Phoebe: So?
Rachel: Phoebe, that is juice squeezed from a person.
Joey: What is the big deal? [Joey takes the bottle, squeezes some on to his arm and licks it]
Chandler: What did you just do?
Ross: Okay, can people stop drinking the breast milk?
Phoebe: You won't even taste it?
Ross: No.
Phoebe: Not even if you just pretend it's milk?
Ross: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing child on it.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Monica, what's with you? Who did you have lunch with?
Monica: Judy.
Rachel: Who?
Monica: Julie.
Rachel: What?
Monica: Jody.

Quote from Chandler

[Joey enters the apartment wearing a white cowboy costume]
Chandler: Howdy.
Joey: Well, they switched me over to Hombre.
Chandler: Maybe it's because of the way you're dressed.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Maybe I should get out of the game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese.
Chandler: Okay, say you do that. Sooner or later, somebody will come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where are you gonna run?

Quote from Rachel

Monica: I don't know what to say.
Rachel: That's good because I'm not listening.
Monica: I feel terrible. I really do.
Rachel: I'm sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: You guys, I know that this really doesn't have anything to do with me. But I love you guys too!

Quote from Monica

Monica: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts. But she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she's just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her.

Quote from Joey

Joey: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later they all ... stop lasting.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kind of understood that everything from young men's to the escalator is my territory.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne.

Quote from Monica

Monica: [answering the phone] Oh, hi, Jul- Hi, Jew! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, sure. That'd be great. See you then. Bye.
Rachel: Did you just say, "Hi, Jew"?
Monica: Yes. Yes, I did. That was my friend Eddie Moskowitz. Yeah, he likes it. Reaffirms his faith.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Mon, if you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you $53?
Monica: You know what probably happened? Someone must have stolen my credit card.
Rachel: And sort of just put the receipt back in your pocket?
Monica: That is an excellent, excellent question. That is excellent.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I say you show him what you're made of. Stand your ground. Show him that you're the baddest Hombre west of the lingerie!
Joey: I'm gonna do it!
Chandler: All right! Now, go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I just thought we should hang out. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: [after Julie leaves] What a manipulative bitch.


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