TV Quotes

Rachel: You were with Julie?
Monica: Look, when it started, I was just trying to be nice to her because she was my brother's girlfriend. And then one thing led to another and before I knew it, we were shopping.
Rachel: Oh. Oh, my God!
Monica: Honey, wait, we only did it once. It didn't meant anything to me.
Rachel: Yeah, right, sure.
Monica: Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right? I never meant for you to find out.
Rachel: Oh, please! Please! You wanted to get caught!
Monica: That is not true!
Rachel: Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in here?
Monica: Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that stupid?
Rachel: Okay, Monica, I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's? [Monica is silent, Rachel whimpers] Okay, I just really need to not be with you right now.

Joey: Monica, what are you doing? You can't go shopping with her. What about Rachel?
Monica: This is going to be a problem, isn't it?
Chandler: I mean, come on. You're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie. It's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
Monica: But I-
Phoebe: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street!

Carol: How did we do?
Phoebe: I tasted Ben's milk and Ross freaked out.
Ross: I did not freak out.
Carol: Why'd you freak out?
Ross: Because it's breast milk. It's gross!
Carol: My breast milk is gross?
Susan: This should be fun.
Ross: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just don't think breast milk is for adults.
Chandler: Of course, the packaging does appeal to grownups and kids.

Carol: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it. It's no big deal. Come on, just taste it.
Ross: That would be no.
Joey: Come on. Try it.
Phoebe: It's natural. It doesn't taste bad.
Joey: Yeah, it tastes kind of sweet. Sort of like.
Ross: Like what?
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
Joey: Exactly.
Ross: You've tasted it? You've tasted it?
Susan: Uh-huh.
Ross: Oh, you've tasted it.
Susan: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.
Ross: [rolls up his sleeve] Give me the bottle. [squeezes drops on to his arm] Get me the towel. [wipes them off, then storms out]

Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.

Ross: This is my son having lunch, okay? It'll happen a lot, so get used to it. If you have a problem, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it. Come on.
Chandler: Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?
Carol: Sure.
Joey: Does it hurt?
Carol: It did at first, but not anymore.
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: So, how often can you do it?
Carol: As much as he needs.
Joey: Okay, I got one, I got one. If he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?

Rachel: Oh, this is so cute!
Susan: I got that for him!
Ross: "My Mommies Love Me." That's clever.

Chandler: You know, it's. [sees Carol breast feeding] Something funny about sneakers. I'll be right back.

Ross: Hey, what are you guys doing?
Chandler: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?
Ross: Look, will you guys grow up? This is the most natural, beautiful thing in the world.
Joey: Yeah, we know. But there's a baby sucking on it.

Julie: Oh, you're losing your apron. Here let me get it for you. There you go.
Rachel: Thank you. [after Julie goes] What a bitch!

Julie: Oh, listen guys, I have this friend at Bloomingdale's who's quitting tomorrow and wants to abuse his discount. Anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?
Phoebe: Oh, I can't. I have to take my grandmother to the vet.

Ross: [entering the coffee shop] Hi, honey.
Chandler: Hey, sweetums.
Ross: And hello to the rest.

Monica: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: We were shopping and we had lunch.
Phoebe: All right. What did I have?
Monica: You had a salad.
Phoebe: Oh. No wonder I don't feel full.

Rachel: Hi, guys. What's up?
Phoebe: I went shopping with Monica all day and I had a salad.
Rachel: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?
Phoebe: Uhm, we went shopping for, uhm. For. Fur. For fur.
Rachel: You went shopping for fur?
Phoebe: Yeah. And then I realized that l'm against that. And, so, then we bought some. [Monica gestures to her breasts] Boobs.
Rachel: You bought boobs?
Phoebe: [Monica pulls out her bra strap] Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.

Carol: And this is Funny Clown. It's only for after his naps, not before, or he won't sleep.
Ross: Carol, we've been through this before. We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.

Phoebe: Ben, dinner!
Ross: Thanks, Aunt Pheebs. You didn't microwave that, did you? Because it's breast milk and you're not supposed to do that.
Phoebe: Duh. I think I know how to heat breast milk.

Chandler: What did you just do?
Phoebe: I licked my arm, what?
Ross: It's breast milk!
Phoebe: So?
Rachel: Phoebe, that is juice squeezed from a person.
Joey: What is the big deal? [Joey takes the bottle, squeezes some on to his arm and licks it]
Chandler: What did you just do?
Ross: Okay, can people stop drinking the breast milk?
Phoebe: You won't even taste it?
Ross: No.
Phoebe: Not even if you just pretend it's milk?
Ross: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing child on it.

Rachel: Monica, what's with you? Who did you have lunch with?
Monica: Judy.
Rachel: Who?
Monica: Julie.
Rachel: What?
Monica: Jody.

[Joey enters the apartment wearing a white cowboy costume]
Chandler: Howdy.
Joey: Well, they switched me over to Hombre.
Chandler: Maybe it's because of the way you're dressed.

Joey: Maybe I should get out of the game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese.
Chandler: Okay, say you do that. Sooner or later, somebody will come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where are you gonna run?

Monica: I don't know what to say.
Rachel: That's good because I'm not listening.
Monica: I feel terrible. I really do.
Rachel: I'm sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?

Phoebe: You guys, I know that this really doesn't have anything to do with me. But I love you guys too!

Monica: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts. But she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she's just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her.

Joey: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later they all ... stop lasting.

Joey: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kind of understood that everything from young men's to the escalator is my territory.

Joey: Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne.

Monica: [answering the phone] Oh, hi, Jul- Hi, Jew! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, sure. That'd be great. See you then. Bye.
Rachel: Did you just say, "Hi, Jew"?
Monica: Yes. Yes, I did. That was my friend Eddie Moskowitz. Yeah, he likes it. Reaffirms his faith.

Rachel: Mon, if you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you $53?
Monica: You know what probably happened? Someone must have stolen my credit card.
Rachel: And sort of just put the receipt back in your pocket?
Monica: That is an excellent, excellent question. That is excellent.

Chandler: I say you show him what you're made of. Stand your ground. Show him that you're the baddest Hombre west of the lingerie!
Joey: I'm gonna do it!
Chandler: All right! Now, go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.

Rachel: I just thought we should hang out. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us.

Rachel: [after Julie leaves] What a manipulative bitch.