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‘The One with the Cuffs’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Cuffs

403. The One with the Cuffs

Aired October 9, 1997

After hooking up with Rachel's boss, Joanna, Chandler finds himself stuck in a delicate situation in her office. Meanwhile, Monica is disappointed that her mother made contingency plans after asking her to cater a party, and Joey is visited by a door-to-door encyclopedia salesman.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Hey, we are so in luck. Treeger said we could have all this cool stuff. Wait right there.
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no. I'm paddling away. Wow, really? We got all this rusty crap for free?
Joey: This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And some of it is not even popped.
Chandler: Could we be more white trash?

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Quote from Joey

Rachel: Last time I almost got fired. You must end it. You must end it now.
Chandler: Come on, it's not an everyday occurrence for me. I mean, usually I'm just in there by myself.
Joey: [mimics the sound of a squeaking bed]

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I hope you know what I'm giving up here. She's not just the boss in your office, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Yeah. Sorry, I knew what he meant.

Quote from Judy Geller

Judy Geller: How's the hired help?
Monica: Doing great. Quiches are coming along.
Judy Geller: What's this? Blue nail polish?
Monica: I thought it was cute.
Judy Geller: Huh. It's what your grandmother's hands looked like when we found her.

Quote from Judy Geller

Monica: Let me ask you a question. Why did you hire me?
Judy Geller: Well, Richard raved about the food at his party. Of course, you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was nice. I assume you didn't sleep with anyone there. Although at least that would be something.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Oh, my God. Did you hear that? She hired me because she thinks I'm good.
Phoebe: Okay, I didn't hear that.
Monica: She didn't hire me out of pity. It wasn't so she could pick on me in front of my friends. She actually thinks I'm good.
Phoebe: Wow. And hey, it's cool if you're a lesbian.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Oh, my God. Wait a minute. I had them when I put- Oh, my God. It's in the quiche. Oh, my God.
Phoebe: Okay, don't panic. I'm going to go the store, I'll get another set of nails. No one is going to know, and you'll look great. Oh, it's because they're going to eat- That's the problem.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Okay, please don't freak out. There's a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups. And there's no way to know which one.
Phoebe: And whoever finds it wins the prize.

Quote from Judy Geller

Judy Geller: I'm not freaking out.
Monica: Why are you laughing?
Judy Geller: It's nothing. It's just now your father owes me $5.
Monica: What, you bet I'd lose a nail?
Judy Geller: No, don't be silly. I just bet that I'd need these.
Monica: Frozen lasagnas? You bet that I'd screw up? So all that stuff about how I was good was-
Judy Geller: No, that was all true. This was just in case you "pulled a Monica."
Monica: You promised Dr. Weinberg you'd never use that phrase.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, here's the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over here and unlock me? And on a totally separate subject, that's a lovely pantsuit.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: You know what, Chandler, you got yourself into those cuffs, you can get yourself out.
Chandler: No, no. I can't get myself right out of them. You must have me confused with the "Amazing Chandler"!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: You give me back my Walkman.
Chandler: I ... never borrowed your Walkman.
Rachel: Then I lost it. You buy me one!

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: What will you tell Joanna?
Chandler: About what?
Rachel: If she sees thar you're gone she'll know I let you out and that I was in here, and I'll get fired!
Chandler: I'll make something up. I'm good at lying. I actually did borrow your Walkman.

Quote from Joey

Salesman: So here's somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?
Joey: He cut off his ear.
Salesman: And?
Joey: I'm out.
Salesman: He painted that.
Joey: Wow. That's pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear because he sucked.

Quote from Joey

Joey: What else you got in there?
Salesman: Let's see. Where does the Pope live?
Joey: ln the woods. No. Wait, that's the joke answer.
Salesman: Actually, it's Vatican City.

Quote from Joey

Salesman: Now, what do you know about vulcanized rubber?
Joey: Spock's birth control. [laughs]
Salesman: [laughs] You need these books.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I thought she could change.
Phoebe: Who cares what your mom thinks? So you "pulled a Monica."
Monica: Oh, good. I'm glad that's catching on.
Phoebe: But why does that have to be a bad thing? Just change what it means. Go down there and prove your mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and we'll call that "pulling a Monica."
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Okay, if a kid gets straight A's, his parents say, "You pulled a Monica." Or if a fireman saves a baby, they'd go "Oh, yeah. He pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a home run, and they say, "That one's out of here." Because some things don't change.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: If she sees me locked to this she'll know you were here. You might as well let me go.
Rachel: What if I clean your bathroom for a month?
Chandler: Still won't be clean. All I want is my freedom.
Rachel: Foot rubs for a month.
Chandler: Freedom!
Rachel: I'll put all your photos into albums!
Chandler: Freedom. I want my freedom! Why won't you hear me?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Wow. There's a lot I didn't know about vomit.

Quote from Joey

Salesman: So what do you say, Joey? You can get the whole set of encyclopedias for $1200. That works out to just 50 bucks a book.
Joey: $1200? [chuckles] You think I have $1200? I'm home in the middle of the day and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess there's a few things you don't get from book learning.

Quote from Joey

Salesman: You don't have anything?
Joey: You want to see what I got? I got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock and an army man.
Salesman: Okay, I get the picture. Thanks for your time.
Joey: And a fifty. Huh. These must be Chandler's pants.
Salesman: For $50 you can get one book. What will it be? A? B? C?
Joey: I think I'm going to stick with the V. I want to see how this bad boy turns out.

Quote from Monica

Judy Geller: Everyone seems to like your dish.
Monica: And you?
Judy Geller: I thought it was ... quite tasty.
Monica: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it that would make this a success. Which would make you-
Judy Geller: A bitch?
Monica: Well, I was going for "wrong," but we can use your word.

Quote from Phoebe

Judy Geller: Yes, well, I was wrong. And I have to say you really impressed me today.
Monica: Wow.
Phoebe: You might even say that she "pulled a Monica." She doesn't know we switched it.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: [flirty] Hello, Chandler.
Chandler: [to Rachel] I love you.
Joey: What's going on?
[Ross and Phoebe whisper in Joey's ears]
Joey: No, he doesn't!
Chandler: Two hours, that lasted.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Well, it's good you got out, before she blew up like that Vesuvius.
Ross: The volcano?
Joey: And speaking of volcanoes, man, are they a violent igneous rock formation.
Rachel: What?
Joey: Yeah. Lava spewing, hot ash. Of course, some are dormant.
Monica: Why are you talking about volcanoes all of a sudden?
Joey: We can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about? Vivisection? The vas deferens? The Vietnam War?
Monica: Oh. Did anyone see that documentary on the Korean War?
Phoebe: Oh, God. Korea's a beautiful country.
Ross: With such a sad history.
Chandler: Could there be more Kims?
[Joey laughs at Chandler's joke, looks disappointed]

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Chandler: No.
Rachel: I'll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning.
Chandler: With extra pulp?
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: No!
Rachel: I've got it!
Chandler: You don't have it.
Rachel: I have so got it. There's going to be rumors about this. No way to stop it. Sophie knows. Monica and Phoebe know.
Chandler: How do Monica and Phoebe know?
Rachel: I called them. And when they ask me what I saw ... I can be very generous ... or very stingy.
Chandler: Go on.
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generation's Milton Berle.
Chandler: And Milton Berle has-
Rachel: Oh. Not compared to you.


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