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‘The One with Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss

517. The One with Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss

Aired March 18, 1999

When Rachel has a job interview at Ralph Lauren, she accidentally kisses her prospective boss. Meanwhile, Monica is determined to prove she and Chandler are a hotter couple than Phoebe and Gary, and Joey struggles to find the woman in Ross's building who he's been flirting with.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Yeah, that's her. But you know what, it doesn't matter. I'm never going to get to meet her anyway.
Monica: Why?
Joey: Because it's impossible to find her apartment. She lives in, like, some kind of hot-girl parallel universe or something.
Monica: What are you talking about? She obviously lives on the second floor, seventh apartment from the left.
Joey: No. No, she lives on the 3rd floor, eighth apartment from the left.
Monica: No. Those first two windows, that's the lobby. And you know that other window other there is the stairway. You've been counting wrong.
Joey: I did not know that. Thank you, Monica. I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting!

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Quote from Joey

Rachel: I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow.
Phoebe: Congratulations!
Joey: Oh, boy. That guy's underwear sucks.
Rachel: What?
Joey: Well, I got this pair marked "XS." Let me tell you, there was no room for excess anything in there.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: You want to work on your interview skills?
Rachel: Oh, okay.
Phoebe: Okay. Let's start with the handshake. Hi.
Rachel: Hi.
Phoebe: Very good handshake. Good wrist action.
Monica: Let me try.
Phoebe: Okay. Oh, my God. What did I ever do to you?
Monica: Did I squeeze it too hard?
Phoebe: Let's just say I'm glad I'm not Chandler.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Hey, Joey. Great stuff, huh?
Joey: This your place?
Ross: Yeah, of course it is. Oh, come on in. Ooh, ooh. Go by the window. You can pretend to be surfing.
Joey: But I counted. You're not supposed to live here. Oh, man.

Quote from Ross

Monica: What happened?
Joey: I ended up at Ross's place. I must have miscounted or something. Damn. She's not there anymore. Oh, look, Ross is doing his "watching TV" bit.
Monica: No, Joe, I think he's just watching TV.
[Ross is smiling as he stares at a blank screen]

Quote from Ross

Joey: Damn it! Did you move?
Ross: Yes. I lived with you guys for a while and then I found this place. I'm Ross.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Okay, I see what's going on here. Now, listen, look I am sorry if I have given you the wrong impression. But I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead. Now, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want this job that bad. Good day, sir.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I really, really want this job. And I think I would be really good at it.
Mr. Zelner: You know what? I may regret this but I'm going to give you a shot.
Rachel: You are? Really? Oh. Thank you. Oh, God. Would it be completely inappropriate if I gave you a hug?
Mr. Zelner: Yes.
Rachel: Okay. Well, then how about a handshake? Oh, God. I'm sorry. I did not mean to touch that. I mean, you! There. Okay, so, I'm gonna leave. Thank you very much. Hey, I'll see you Monday.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: First, I would like to say thank you for seeing me again.
Mr. Zelner: That's quite all right. But I feel obligated to tell you that this meeting is being videotaped.
Rachel: Okay. Well, first, I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and for yelling at you.
Mr. Zelner: Fair enough.
Rachel: Now, you're probably going to hire one of the people who, uh, did not yell at you and storm out. And I think that's a big mistake. And here's why. I made a huge fool of myself, and I came back. That shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. Okay, ahem. Now, I know that I've already said courage but, you know, you've got to have courage. And finally, when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace I said no, and I was not litigious. So there you go! You got courage, you got integrity, you got courage again, and not litigious.

Quote from Joey

Joey: That's right, Ross. I can see you in your new apartment. You can see me. Same as yesterday, same as the day before.
Monica: Is he doing his "shark attack" bit yet?
Joey: No. Oh, wait. There he goes. Very funny, Ross. Very lifelike and funny.

Quote from Phoebe

Gary: Okay. Now I really have to go.
Phoebe: It's just so unfair that our date has to get cut short just because some guy shot at a store clerk.
Gary: I know, but it's my job.
Phoebe: Then maybe I could come too.
Police Radio: Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer.
Phoebe: All right, you go.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: He's so sweet. He's like this little puppy dog, you know? But like a really tough one who shoots bad guys.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: I just love the beginning parts of relationships, you know. You just can't keep your hands off each other.
Monica: I know. It is the best.
Phoebe: So how long did that last for you and Chandler?
Monica: What? It's still going on.
Phoebe: Come on, seriously. When did it end?
Monica: I am serious. I mean, we're all over each other all the time.
Phoebe: Okay, well you know where you are better than I do. I was just curious.
Monica: Okay. Why don't you just calm down, Phoebe? All right. Why don't you just get all your facts before you run around telling everybody you're the only hot couple.
Phoebe: God, I woke the beast. I was wrong, obviously. I just misspoke. It's okay.
Monica: It is okay. I mean, as long as you know Chandler and l are also very hot and fiery.
Just as hot as you. I mean, our flame. Whoo! It is on fire!
Chandler: Hey, Monica, here's your broom back.
Monica: You are so cute! [Monica passionately kisses Chandler]

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: It was horrible. And the interview part went so well. I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah, if you've got enough life jackets." Trust me. It was actually very funny.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: You kissed him?
Rachel: I didn't know what else to do.
Chandler: Well, you could have tried not kissing him.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, my God. I can't believe it. I got a second interview.
Joey: I bet that kiss isn't looking like such a mistake now, is it?
Rachel: Wait a minute. You don't think that's why he wants me back?
Joey: Yeah! ... No?
Monica: Kiss? What are you talking about?
Rachel: I accidentally kissed him in the interview and now he wants me back, of course, because "Let's bring back the girl who kisses everybody!"

Quote from Joey

Joey: Rachel, don't say that. I think you just need a hug from Joey. Come on. Come on. She's back. Hot girl's back.
Rachel: Well, I'm not totally back yet, but I appreciate it-
Joey: No. In Ross's building. She's back. She's back.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I gotta check out this hot girl. [Heads towards the window, then turns back to Monica] There she is.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Aw, man. Hot girl? Hot girl!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, what do you say, maybe, sometime I hold your gun?
Gary: I don't know, man. We're not really supposed to do that.
Chandler: What could happen? I mean- [Chandler shakes his arm and spills his coffee]
Gary: Yeah. I'm gonna say no.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: We have got to beat them.
Chandler: Why?
Monica: Because Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than we are.
Chandler: Oh. So?
Monica: So? So we've gotta go upstairs and have a lot of sex and prove them wrong.
Chandler: Monica, look, you've got to stop this competitive thing. It's crazy. I mean, just to impress Gary and Phoebe, you want me to go upstairs and have sex with you over and over and over- And I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat.

Quote from Ross

Guy: You should check this out. Tell the other tenants. Apparently, he's running around looking for some kind of hot girl.
Ross: Who isn't?

Quote from Monica

Chandler: That was amazing.
Monica: Phoebe and Gary are so gonna hear about this at dinner.
Chandler: That was amazing.
Monica: We are the hottest. No one is hotter than we are. We're the best.
Chandler: No, you're the best.
Monica: No, you're the best.
Chandler: No, you're the best.
Monica: I am the best.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Are you tired, Chandler?
Monica: You better believe he's tired after the day we had, if you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean?
Chandler: Honey, the tortilla chips know what you mean.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Phoebe, you have a twig in your hair.
Phoebe: Oh. Um, we kind of took a little detour on our way over here.
Gary: Yeah. We were strolling through the park and no one was around, so.
Monica: You didn't.
Phoebe: We did! We violated section 12, paragraph 7 of the criminal code.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Monica, this is the men's room. Isn't it?
Monica: Yes, it is. You see, I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual. Haven't you?
Chandler: No. And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You know what I just realized? You just freaked out about our relationship.
Monica: Pfft, I did not.
Chandler: Yes, you did. Admit it. You freaked out.
Monica: Okay. I freaked out a little.
Chandler: A little? You freaked out big time, okay? And I fixed it. We have switched places.
I am the relationship king, and you are the crazy, irrational screw-up. [cheering] And now we're back.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: I cannot believe Ross is buying this.
Monica: Thank God. I can't watch him anymore.
Chandler: You guys ready for the movies?
Rachel: Yeah. And by the way, thank you for loaning us Pamela and Yasmine.
[Ross at his apartment window performing for cardboard cutouts of Rachel and Monica]
Ross: Man, they cannot get enough!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Monica, this very hot girl in Ross' building is flirting with me.
Monica: Get in there, man. Flirt back. Mix it up.
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, I'm down with that.

Quote from Joey

Joey: No, no. I'm not with her. That's just Monica. Bleurgh.


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