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32Quotes from ‘The One with the Girl Who Hits Joey’

Friends: The One with the Girl Who Hits Joey

515. The One with the Girl Who Hits Joey

Aired February 18, 1999

Joey is unsure what to do when his girlfriend keeps playfully punching him. Now that everybody knows about their relationship, Chandler is thrown when the group suggest he and Monica might some day get married. Ross manages to alienate the residents of his new building when he takes a stand against contributing money to the retirement of the building's handyman.

Quote from Ross

Ross: [angry] I thought you were my best friend. This is my sister. My best friend and my sister. I cannot believe this.
Chandler: Look, we're not just messing around. I love her. Okay, I'm in love with her.
Monica: I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. I'm sorry, but it's true. I love him too.
Ross: [overjoyed] My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this!

Quote from Ross

Ross: I'm sorry. You guys want to probably get some hugs in too. Big news!
Rachel: No, that's okay. We've actually known for a while.
Ross: What? What? You guys knew? You all knew and you didn't tell me?
Rachel: Well, Ross, we were worried about you. We didn't know how you were going to react.
Ross: You were worried about me? You didn't know how I'd react?

Quote from Ross

Steve: I came to talk to you about Howard.
Ross: Howard?
Steve: Yes. He's the handyman. He's going to be retiring next week and everyone who lives here is kicking in $100 as a kind of a "thank you for all the hard work" type of thing.
Ross: That's nice.
Steve: Yeah. So, you want to give me a check?
Ross: Oh, uh-
Steve: Oh, you don't have to give it to me right now. You can slip it under my door.
Ross: No, no. It's not that. I just moved in.
Steve: Well, the guy's worked here for 25 years.
Ross: Yes, but I've lived here for 25 minutes.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Look, I'm sorry, it's just I've never even met Howard. I mean, I don't know Howard.
Steve: Howard's the handyman.
Ross: Yes, but to me, he's just "man."

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Oh, my God. What would you have done if I had said yes?
Chandler: Well, I would've been happy because I would have been able to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love. Or you would have seen a Chandler-shaped hole in that door.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I brought you some housewarming gifts. Salt, so your life always has flavor. Bread, so you never go hungry. And a scented candle for the bathroom. Because, well, you know.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Chandler! Chandler! Chandler, I saw what you were doing in the window! I saw what you're doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: Well, listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four, five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime. Goodbye. Take care. Goodbye then.
Monica: What are you doing?
Chandler: Oh, I am going on the lam.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Come on, Chandler. I can handle Ross. Hold on. Hey, Ross. What's up, bro?
Ross: What the hell are you doing?
Rachel: Hey, what's going on?
Chandler: Well, I think- I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Joey: Dude, he's right there.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Okay. All right. Whoo. What do you say we clear out of here and let these lovebirds get back to business? Hey, hey, hey. I'm just talking here. He's the one doing your sister.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Hey, you know what I just realized? If you guys ever have kids-
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're having kids?
Joey: I call godfather.
Ross: You can't just call godfather. Don't you think her brother should be godfather?
Joey: Sure. If you cared enough to call it first.

Quote from Monica

Joey: She keeps punching me.
Monica: In the cute, little sweet way she just did?
Joey: It's a lot harder than it looks. She's hurting me.
Monica: I know what you need. You need a bodyguard. Hey, Ross, what is Ben doing after preschool?

Quote from Phoebe

Steve: I'm Steve Cera, president of the tenants' committee.
Ross: Ross Geller. And this is my friend Phoebe.
Phoebe: Mr. President.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to throw a party. That's right. For everyone in the building. And I'm going to sit them all down and explain to them that I am not a bad guy. I am not a cheap guy. I am just a guy who stands up for what he believes in. A man with principles.
Chandler: Sounds like a fun party.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Ross, if you want your neighbors to like you, why don't you just pay the $100? The party will cost you way more than that.
Ross: That doesn't matter. It's my principles. We're talking about my principles!
Rachel: Okay, I thought it was about your neighbors liking you.
Ross: Oh, they'll like me once they come to my awesome par-tay. Okay, I gotta run. I gotta get some nametags.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: So what did you tell them about me?
Phoebe: Oh, I was telling them about you and Emily. You know, trying to get some sympathy. But somehow you came off as the bad guy.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Yeah, I told it wrong. You know, we should talk about that because I don't totally understand what happened there.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Everyone calm down. Calm down! I have something that I'd like to say. Who here likes Ross? Of course you don't like him. He didn't give you any money. He raised his own hand when I asked, "Who likes Ross?" And he's wearing two name tags. I'll be honest with you guys. When I first met Ross, I didn't like him at all. But then once I got to know him, I saw that he is really sweet and caring and very generous. I mean, all I'm saying is, don't judge Ross before you get to know him. I mean, I like all of you guys now. But when I first met you, you know? Kurt? I thought, abrasive drunk. Lola? Mind-numbingly stupid. You guys. Gold digger, cradle-robbing perv. So I think you all know what I mean.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Obviously, I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just thought if I kept insulting them you would jump in and defend them, then you'd look like the hero.
Ross: Oh, wow, yeah. See, I did not get that.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: I was really confused and then I talked to these guys.
Monica: Who? Two divorces and Joey?
Ross: Hey!
Joey: She's right, you know?
Ross: Yeah, but still, cheap shot.

Quote from Ross

Ross: This is fun! Oh, hey, Rach. Remember that "we were on a break" thing? I'm sorry. Will you marry me?
Chandler: That's not funny at all.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Ooh, I just thought of the greatest wedding gift to get you.
Phoebe: Oh, I'll go in on that with you. I couldn't think of anything.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Can you believe that guy?
Phoebe: I know. I really like his glasses.

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: I'm right. I'm right. Am I right?
Rachel: You're right. You're absolutely right. That makes everything different.
Chandler: It's not different, is it?
Rachel: Not unless different means "the same."

Quote from Joey

Joey: Look, I like you. I really do. I like you a lot. But sometimes when you playfully punch me like that it feels like I'm being hit with a very tiny but a very real bat.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: And you know what I want?
Chandler: Yes. You want babies. You have baby fever.
Monica: I do not have baby fever.
Chandler: Oh, please. You're obsessed with babies and marriage and everything that's related to babies and marriage.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Phoebe? Phoebe?
Phoebe: Oh, Hi, Ross.
Ross: What are you doing here? I thought this was your party, and it's a party for Howard. He's the sweetest little man.
Guy: See you, Phoebe. And thanks for chipping in.
Phoebe: Oh, sure.
Ross: You chipped in?
Phoebe: Yeah, $100.
Ross: Phoebe, I can't believe you gave him money. I thought you agreed that it was totally unreasonable that they asked me for that money.
Phoebe: Yeah, but they didn't ask me. This way I'm just the exotic, generous stranger. That's always fun to be.
Ross: But you're making me look bad.
Phoebe: No, I'm not. If anything, I'm making you look better. They'll see you talking to me. I'm a hit.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Where's Monica? Is she here? I need to talk to her, it's urgent.
Monica: I'm Monica.
Chandler: I need to talk to you. It's urgent.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: What are you doing? Don't do it.
Chandler: Monica, will you marry me?
Joey: What a bad idea.
Rachel: Oh, I can't not look at it.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I'm doing this because I'm sorry?
Monica: Do you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?
Chandler: Oh, no. The best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth, you know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. Will you be my wife?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: You know when I said that I want you to deal with relationship stuff all on your own? You're not ready for that.
Chandler: I didn't think I was.

Quote from Ross

Joey: Hey, Ross, will you pass that knife?
Ross: No, I will not.
Joey: Okay. You don't have to be so mean about it.
Ross: You're right. I'm sorry. Will you marry me?

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: Oh, and I was going to ask you to marry me because I forgot to say hello to you last week.
Rachel: Oh, no, Pheebs. I think with something like that you just ask them to move in with you. But I'm not sure. Chandler?
Chandler: Okay. How long is this going to go on?
Monica: I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you were. So a long time.

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