TV Quotes

Phoebe: See, there it is, right there. Wow, it's small. Yeah, but Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it.

Joey: Hey, how much would you give me to eat this whole jar of olives?
Monica: I won't give you anything, but you'll owe me 2.95.
Joey: Done.

Phoebe: I need an atlas. I need an atlas.
Monica: Why? Do you have a report due?
Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the U.N. And I don't know where his country is.
Monica: Okay, let's start with the free massages at the U.N.
Phoebe: Oh, it's my new thing. I figure, "Bodies at peace make peace."
Monica: Wow. You might just get the first Nobel Prize in rubbing.

Monica: So you had fun, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, you know, when you're on a date, and you're getting along really great but the guy's translator keeps getting in the way?
Monica: No.

Phoebe: Anyway, I'm going out with Sergei again tonight. And, um could you come and be the translator's date, so that when we, you know, it's time for our alone time, you two can split off? You know, he's really kind of cute.
Monica: Like really "kind of cute," or "kind of cute" like your friend Spackle-Back Larry?
Phoebe: Hey, don't call him that. His name is Spackle-Back Harry.

Chandler: Just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.
Joey: Yeah, for sure. Okay. You probably want the first one to be: "Never open your eyes." You know? Because you don't want to be doing something and then look up, right? And see something that you don't want to be seeing, you know?
Chandler: Yeah. Good call. Nice- Hold it. Hold it! What if my eyes are closed, and- And my hand is out there?
Joey: Aah! Okay, eyes open at all times. Oh, hey. How do we decide where we, ahem, you know, each would, ahem, you know, be?
Chandler: Right. Right. Well, I, uh, you know, we could flip for it.
Joey: Yeah, I guess, but, like, what's heads and what's tails?
Chandler: Well, if you don't know that, then I don't want to do this with you.

Rachel: Ross, honey, this is very nice, but I've got a crisis.
Ross: Yeah, but I've got couscous.

Rachel: Look, um, about what happened earlier-
Ross: Uh, well, I completely understand. You were- you were stressed.
Rachel: I was going to give you a chance to apologize to me.
Ross: For what? For letting you throw me out of your office?
Rachel: You had no right coming down to my office, Ross. You do not bring a picnic basket to somebody's work, unless maybe they were a park ranger.

Ross: I don't know what to do anymore.
Rachel: Well, neither do I.
Ross: Is this about Mark?
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Ross: Okay, it's not.

Chandler: You know that whole swimming thing is a myth.
Joey: Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
Chandler: Why, what happened to him?
Joey: Nothing. He just really believes in that.