‘The One with the Donor’
Season 9, Episode 22 - Aired May 8, 2003
After learning that they probably won't be able to conceive naturally, Chandler invites an attractive colleague home so he and Monica can assess his potential as a sperm donor. Meanwhile, Rachel and Phoebe help Charlie shop for clothes, and Ross has an interview which could lead to him giving the key note speech at a paleontology conference in Barbados.
Quote from Monica
Monica: I still can't believe this. My uterus is an inhospitable environment? I've always tried so hard to be a good hostess.
Quote from Monica
Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this. You can't just bring some random guy home and expect him to be our sperm donor.
Chandler: Okay. [hands Zack a drink] Zack.
Zack: Thanks. Do you have a coaster? I don't want to make a ring.
Monica: Tell me about yourself, Zack.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: I can't believe my sperm have low motility. Because let me tell you, while I was growing up, they sure seemed to be in a hurry to get places.
Quote from Chandler
Dr. Connelly: Even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great you never know, so keep having sex on a regular basis.
Chandler: Oh, damn it!
Monica: Don't worry. After a while, you'll tune it out.
Quote from Chandler
Dr. Connelly: Of course, if you feel that neither of those is right for you, you could always adopt.
Chandler: Is that a hint? Because we love you, Dr. Connelly, but we don't think we want you to be our child. Wow. Talk about an inhospitable environment.
Quote from Joey
Ross: Hey, guys. Guess who's up for keynote speaker at the National Paleontology Conference
Charlie: Chris Bailey?
Ross: Yeah, right. When was the last time he made a submission deadline for an abstract?
[Joey laughs with Ross and Charlie]
Ross: Why are you laughing?
Joey: Just seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist. It's fun.
Quote from Joey
Chandler: Aside from adoption, the only other choice is insemination so we're talking about sperm donors.
Joey: Enough said. I'm there for you, man. Where is she, upstairs?
Quote from Joey
Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child, but there isn't one.
Joey: Come on, Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it.
Ross: What? [Joey whispers to Ross] What?! No! I'm not gonna give them Ben.
Quote from Phoebe
Sales Associate: Incentive for Men?
Phoebe: Ooh, I'll take some of that.
Rachel: Pheebs, that's for men.
Phoebe: Oh, I know. This way, when I go to the party later Mike will know I'm over him because I'm going to smell like another guy. Okay. Oh, good, I'm dating a Russian cabdriver. Seriously, does anyone buy this? I smell like beets.
Quote from Rachel
Charlie: So, I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads in them. Where do you think those would be?
Rachel: Uh, on Melanie Griffith in "Working Girl".