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‘The One Where Ross Got High’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Ross Got High

609. The One Where Ross Got High

Aired November 25, 1999

When Jack and Judy Geller visit for Thanksgiving, Ross is forced to reveal why his parents don't like Chandler. Meanwhile, Rachel attempts to make a dessert, Phoebe develops a crush on Jack, and Joey and Ross would rather be somewhere else.

Quote from Jack Geller

Judy Geller: Chandler, you've been Ross' best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems, and now you've taken on Monica as well. Well, I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.
Chandler: Thank you.
Jack Geller: No. Thank you!

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Quote from Judy Geller

Judy Geller: That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds. All right. Joey, if you want to leave, just leave. Rachel, no, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you're in an important relationship is beyond me.
Jack Geller: And we kind of figured about the porch swing.
Judy Geller: Ross. Drugs? Divorced again?

Quote from Monica

Monica: That's it. You know what? You've had your chance. Mom, Dad. Ross smoked pot in college.
Jack Geller: What?
Judy Geller: What?
Ross: You are such a tattletale. Mom, Dad, you remember that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?
Jack and Judy Geller: Yes. [They both look at Chandler]
Ross: I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. I'm sorry.
Judy Geller: It was you?
Monica: And Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys. Ross did.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing. Monica did.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: It'll be okay because when they come over, I will be all charming. I will make them love me and then we will tell them.
Monica: You really think that will that work?
Chandler: Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe. I won you over, didn't l?
Monica: I don't think you'll ever get my parents that drunk.

Quote from Chandler

Jack Geller: Monica and Ross, I don't know what I'm gonna do about the two of you.
Chandler: I'll talk to them.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Beef in a dessert? There is- No, no, no. There is no way.
Joey: I know. And only one layer of jam? What is up with that?
Ross: Oh, my God. The pages are stuck together.
Joey: Chandler!

Quote from Ross

Ross: I think I might know why my parents don't like you.
Chandler: You do? Why?
Ross: Okay, remember we were young. Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it, and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.
Chandler: What? Why did you do that?
Ross: I don't know. Yours was the first name that popped into my head. I'm sorry. I didn't think it would matter.
Chandler: How could it not matter?
Ross: Well how was I supposed to know we'd end up being friends after college, let alone you'd be living with my sister?
Chandler: What about all that "friends forever" stuff?
Ross: I don't know. I was all high.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Dad, please don't pick your teeth out here. All right, and if you're gonna put your feet up-
Phoebe: Monica, leave him alone!

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Okay, now what was that all about? Is it- Does it not taste good? Let me try it.
Ross: Whoa. No, no, no, no. All gone. So good. Maybe Chandler has some left. [after Rachel has left] It tastes like feet.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I like it.
Ross: Are you kidding?
Joey: What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Monica and Chandler are living together!

Quote from Monica

Monica: Ross married Rachel in Vegas. And got divorced. Again!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I love Jacques Cousteau.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I want to go!

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night.
Rachel: Really?
Phoebe: I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong. And it's making me look at him totally differently. You know, I mean, he used to be just "Jack Geller, Monica and Ross's dad." Now he's "Jack Geller, dream hunk."
Rachel: I don't know. You know, to me, he'll always be "Jack Geller, walks in while you're changing."

Quote from Chandler

Monica: So guess who's coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
Chandler: Sidney Poitier? [laughs]
Monica: I miss Rachel.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Why wouldn't they be happy?
Monica: Well, because ... mainly, um ... they don't like you. I'm sorry.
Chandler: What? Why? Why?
Monica: Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that you're really sarcastic or that you joke around all the time, or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch.
Chandler: Is this why they don't like me or you don't like me?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hey. Oh, good, Ross. Your parents like me, right?
Ross: Yes, of course they like you.
Chandler: Well, Monica just told me that they don't.
Ross: Yeah, they don't like you.
Chandler: Do you know why?
Ross: I don't know. Maybe it's because you're really sarcastic or maybe it's because you-
Chandler: Well, if people don't know, they shouldn't just guess.

Quote from Joey

Ross: See, we have to stop across the hall because it's my sister. But, you know, actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you should tell your friends that.
Janine: Okay.
Joey: How you got three women to marry you, I'll never know.

Quote from Jack Geller

Jack Geller: Monica, all this food looks wonderful. You should think about doing this for a living.
[Chandler laughs]
Jack Geller: Okay, I have dandruff. There's no need to laugh and point.
Monica: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
Jack Geller: My joke wasn't funny.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Mom, Chandler was just saying how beautiful your sweater is.
Judy Geller: Oh, thank you, Chandler. I just bought it.
Chandler: Yes, well, it's very beautiful and it's cream-colored and tight and- I don't mean tight. I mean, it's not too tight. Not that I was looking at-

Quote from Judy Geller

Jack Geller: What's the matter with him?
Judy Geller: I think he's stoned again.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Mom and Dad sent me to find out if you were trying to get Ross stoned.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Okay, okay, I'll tell them it wasn't Chandler who got high. Now, who should I say it was?
Monica: You. It's not like it's a big deal. You don't still do it or anything.
Ross: All right. All right. Now, who should I say tricked me into doing it?

Quote from Joey

Joey: You're whipping so slow. Can't you do it any faster?
Rachel: Joey, come on. I don't want to make any mistakes. All right, this is the only desert, and if I screw it up, everybody's gonna be like: "Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?" Okay? So why don't you just let me worry about making the trifle, and you just worry about eating it?
Joey: Oh, I am.

Quote from Ross

Joey: Look, I think we have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert.
Ross: What? What is with everybody? It's Thanksgiving, not Truth Day.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: What's up, Ross?
Ross: So ... Thanksgiving. The holiday season is upon us, hmm?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: And, um, you look nice today.
Rachel: Oh, no. No, Ross, don't do this.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I just don't think us getting back together is a good idea.
Ross: Heh?
Rachel: I thought this might happen today. Ross, I know the holidays can be rough, you know,
and it's probably really hard for you to be alone right now.
Ross: You're alone.
Rachel: No, I live with Phoebe. I mean, you're alone-alone. And it's just not the time for us. I'm sorry.
Ross: Oh, well. Can't blame a guy for trying.

Quote from Joey

Joey: And if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned some things in acting class.
Try rubbing your stomach. Or saying "Mmm." And, uh oh, smiling. Okay?
Chandler: Yeah, I'm not gonna pay for those acting classes anymore.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Monica, I want you to have the first taste.
Monica: Really?
Rachel: Oh, Wait, you only got whipped cream. You gotta take a bite with all the layers.
Monica: Okay.
Rachel: Ooh, wait, you dropped a pea. Well?
Monica: Mmm! It's good.
Rachel: Really? How good?
Monica: It's so good that I feel really selfish about being the only one who's eating it. I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: So a bird just grabbed it, and then tried to fly away with it, and then just dropped it on the street?
Chandler: Yes, but if it's any consolation, before the bird dropped it, he seemed to enjoy it.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Rachel, come here. Okay, I was just starting to take my Thanksgiving nap and I had another dream about Jack.
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe. Do I want to hear this?
Phoebe: I don't know, let's see. Okay, I dreamt that we were going to get married and he left because he had to go fight a fire. So, okay, I went to a nightclub and I saw him making out with a girl.
Rachel: Oh, my God, he dream-cheated on you.
Phoebe: Yeah. But then Jacques Cousteau came and he kicked his ass for betraying me. It was so cool. Then he took me diving and introduced me to his sea horse, who, by the way, was coming on to me. And, please, that is not gonna happen.

Quote from Phoebe

Jack Geller: Boy, I'm glad I wore the big belt today.
Phoebe: Wow. Five minutes ago, a line like that would have floored me. But now, nothing. Well, not nothing. I am still a woman.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: You guys, it was bananas, cream and beef. I just cannot believe that you ate that so that I wouldn't feel bad.
Monica: Well, actually, I didn't eat mine. It's still in the bathroom.
Joey: No, it isn't. I ate that.
Judy Geller: And we left ours in Monica's bedroom.
Joey: Nope, got it and got yours too.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Monica said I could make dessert this year.
Joey: Uh, you're going to cook something?
Rachel: Hey, I cook!
Chandler: Offering people gum is not cooking.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Hey, Mon, look! I'm melting butter.
Monica: That's great, Rach. You now have the cooking skills of a hot day.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Rach, are you sure you want to start out with something as big as Thanksgiving dinner? I mean, maybe you wanna try a little Thanksgiving breakfast? Maybe a Thanksgiving snack?
Rachel: What? You guys, I can do this. Remember, I made those peanut butter cookies? I don't know what you guys are so worried about. Cooking is easy. You just follow the recipe. If it says boil two cups of salt, you boil two cups of salt.

Quote from Joey

Joey: The food smells great, Mon.
Ross: And the place looks so nice.
Joey: Hey, happy Thanksgiving, everybody.
Ross: Happy Thanksgiving.
Joey: Well, this has been great.
Ross: See you.
Monica: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you going?
Ross: Oh, oh. We did say we'd stop by this little thing that Joey's roommate is having.
Monica: Oh, Janine, the really hot dancer girl?
Ross: Some would say she's attractive, yes.
Phoebe: And who else is going to be there?
Joey: Just some of her friends.
Rachel: Her dancer friends?
Joey: Yes. All right? All of her hot dancer friends are gonna be there and they'll be drinking and dancing and we really want to go.
Ross: Dude, we were good.


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