Chandler: Yes, hitting her with a frying pan is a good idea. But we might want to have a backup plan, just in case she isn't a cartoon!

Joey: I'm not Drake!
Ross: That's right. He's not Drake. He's Hans Ramoray, Drake's evil twin.
Erika: Is this true?
Rachel: Yes. Yes, it is true. And I know this because he pretended to be Drake to sleep with me. [throws water in Joey's face]
Monica: And then he told me he would run away with me. And he didn't! [throws water in Joey's face]
Chandler: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in Joey's face]

Rob Donan: Maybe if you just played some regular kiddy songs?
Phoebe: No. What do you want me to be? Like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?
Rob Donan: I'm not saying you have to be Barney.
Phoebe: Who's Barney?

Joey: We'll just leave. And when we pass her on the stairs she won't know it's me, because we never met.
Chandler: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.

Phoebe: I'm gonna play some songs about grandparents, okay?
[playing guitar and singing] Now Grandma's a person, Who everyone likes, She bought you a train, And a bright shiny bike, But lately she hasn't, Been coming to dinner, And last time you saw her, She looked so much thinner, Now your mom and your dad said, She moved to Peru, But the truth is she died, And someday you will too.

Zoo Keeper: Word on the street- Well, when I say "street," I mean those little pretend streets they have here at the zoo.
Ross: Of course.
Zoo Keeper: Your monkey found a new career in the entertainment field. That's all I know.
Ross: This is unbelievable!
Zoo Keeper: So what is this information worth to you, my friend?
Ross: Are you trying to get me to bribe you?
Zoo Keeper: Maybe.
Ross: But you already told me everything.

Phoebe: Today, we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals.
[playing guitar and singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo", Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo", Then the farmer hits him on the head, And grinds him up And that's how we get hamburgers. Now chickens.

Ross: I wonder if I did the right thing, giving him away.
Rachel: Ross, you had to. He was humping everything in sight. I mean, I have a Malibu Barbie who will no longer be wearing white to her wedding.

Phoebe: Where are you off to?
Ross: There's a paleontology conference in L.A. So I figured I'd go and drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel.
Chandler: Oh, I think he will be surprised. You know, till he realizes he's a monkey and isn't capable of that emotion.

Ross: I can't find the monkey I donated last year. He's a Capuchin and answers to the name Marcel?
Dean Lipson: I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcel has passed on.
Ross: Oh, my God. What happened?
Dean Lipson: Well, he got sick, and then he got sicker. Ad then he got a little better. But then he died.
Ross: I can't believe this!
Dean Lipson: I'm sorry, Mr. Geller. But you know, there's an old saying: "Sometimes monkeys die." It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today.