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‘The One After the Superbowl (Part 1)’ Quotes

Friends: The One After the Superbowl (Part 1)

212. The One After the Superbowl (Part 1)

Aired January 28, 1996

When Ross takes a trip to California, he stops by the zoo to see Marcel. Meanwhile, Joey gets his first fan letter as TV star from an obsessed fan, and Phoebe is asked to sing for children at local libraries.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: I'm not Drake!
Ross: That's right. He's not Drake. He's Hans Ramoray, Drake's evil twin.
Erika: Is this true?
Rachel: Yes. Yes, it is true. And I know this because he pretended to be Drake to sleep with me. [throws water in Joey's face]
Monica: And then he told me he would run away with me. And he didn't! [throws water in Joey's face]
Chandler: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in Joey's face]

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Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Yes, hitting her with a frying pan is a good idea. But we might want to have a backup plan, just in case she isn't a cartoon!

Quote from Joey

Joey: We'll just leave. And when we pass her on the stairs she won't know it's me, because we never met.
Chandler: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I'm gonna play some songs about grandparents, okay?
[playing guitar and singing] Now Grandma's a person, Who everyone likes, She bought you a train, And a bright shiny bike, But lately she hasn't, Been coming to dinner, And last time you saw her, She looked so much thinner, Now your mom and your dad said, She moved to Peru, But the truth is she died, And someday you will too.

Quote from Phoebe

Rob Donan: Maybe if you just played some regular kiddy songs?
Phoebe: No. What do you want me to be? Like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?
Rob Donan: I'm not saying you have to be Barney.
Phoebe: Who's Barney?

Quote from Rachel

Ross: I wonder if I did the right thing, giving him away.
Rachel: Ross, you had to. He was humping everything in sight. I mean, I have a Malibu Barbie who will no longer be wearing white to her wedding.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: My first fan mail.
Monica: "Dear Dr. Ramoray: I love you and would do anything to have you." My gosh. "Your not-so-secret admirer, Erika Ford." Oh, wait. "P. S. Enclosed, please find fourteen of my eyelashes."
Rachel: You know, in Crazy World, that means you're married.

Quote from Joey

Monica: This wasn't addressed to Days Of Our Lives. This came to your apartment. There's no stamp on it. This woman was in our building.
Joey: Oh, my God. I got my very own stalker!

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Where are you off to?
Ross: There's a paleontology conference in L.A. So I figured I'd go and drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel.
Chandler: Oh, I think he will be surprised. You know, till he realizes he's a monkey and isn't capable of that emotion.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I can't find the monkey I donated last year. He's a Capuchin and answers to the name Marcel?
Dean Lipson: I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcel has passed on.
Ross: Oh, my God. What happened?
Dean Lipson: Well, he got sick, and then he got sicker. Ad then he got a little better. But then he died.
Ross: I can't believe this!
Dean Lipson: I'm sorry, Mr. Geller. But you know, there's an old saying: "Sometimes monkeys die." It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today.

Quote from Ross

Dean Lipson: Look, I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture.
Ross: Zoo dollars?
Dean Lipson: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well, it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: And she's not crazy?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. She's a total whack-job. She thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Ramoray.
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Monica: And he's going out with her? He cannot pursue this.
Chandler: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness? Does she not deserve love?
[Rachel and Monica glare at Chandler]
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.

Quote from Phoebe

Rob Donan: Are you okay?
Phoebe: No. Nuh-uh. I'm just- I'm nervous. Maybe if I just picture them all in their underwear.
Rob Donan: That's not a good idea. That's kind of the reason the last guy got fired.

Quote from Joey

Erika: I don't understand. Why didn't you help that man?
Joey: Because I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of "foodal chokage."

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] There'll be times when you get older, When you'll want to sleep with people, Just to make them like you, But don't! 'Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, Everybody! That's another thing, That you don't wanna do.
Monica: Excellent.
Chandler: Very informative.
Rachel: Not at all inappropriate.

Quote from Phoebe

Rob Donan: The kids loved you.
Phoebe: Yea. I rock.
Rob Donan: And you know why? Because you told the truth and nobody ever tells kids the truth.
You were incredible.
Phoebe: But?
Rob Donan: How did you know there was a "but"?
Phoebe: I sense these things. It was either "but" or "butter."

Quote from Ross

Ross: Buddy, my monkey?
Zoo Keeper: Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in a few months back. Inside job. Your monkey was taken.
Ross: But the zoo told me that my monkey was dead.
Zoo Keeper: The zoo! You believe everything the zoo tells you?
Ross: That's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.

Quote from Ross

Zoo Keeper: Word on the street- Well, when I say "street," I mean those little pretend streets they have here at the zoo.
Ross: Of course.
Zoo Keeper: Your monkey found a new career in the entertainment field. That's all I know.
Ross: This is unbelievable!
Zoo Keeper: So what is this information worth to you, my friend?
Ross: Are you trying to get me to bribe you?
Zoo Keeper: Maybe.
Ross: But you already told me everything.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Check it out. He actually is the Monkeyshine monkey.
Rachel: So what are you gonna you do?
Ross: I'm gonna call the beer company and try to find him.
Chandler: Well, that's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Today, we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals.
[playing guitar and singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo", Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo", Then the farmer hits him on the head, And grinds him up And that's how we get hamburgers. Now chickens.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neurosurgeon.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Okay, I know I should have told you a long time ago but I am not Drake Ramoray. I'm not even a doctor. I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.
Erika: Oh, my God! Do the people at the hospital know about this?
Joey: Somebody wanna help me out here?

Quote from Joey

Joey: You deserve much better than me. You deserve to be with the real Drake. He's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem. Find him. He's the guy for you.

Quote from Joey

Ross: I tracked down Marcel and get this. He's healthy, he's happy and he's right here in New York filming Outbreak 2: The Virus Takes Manhattan.
Monica: You're kidding!
Joey: This is amazing.
Ross: I know.
Joey: I finally get a part on TV, and the monkey's making movies.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: This is exciting. I haven't seen my monkey in a year.
Chandler: What, you never look down in the shower? Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the "monkey is penis" genre?


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