Phoebe: Listen, I wanted to ask you something about marriage.
Ross: Oh, great. Now you're seeking me out to make jokes? I mean, I can see if we're all hanging out, but to come to my home...

Chandler: Anyway I need to borrow some money.
Joey: Oh, sure. Yeah, how much? Two thousand dollars?
Chandler: Yes, $2000 exactly. How did you know that?
Joey: Uh. Well, I know how much you used to make, and I know how much your rent is.
Chandler: Oh, okay.
Joey: I am on fire.

Chandler: Look, Monica and I are having a little financial trouble.
Joey: Yeah, I know.
Chandler: What? What do you mean, you "know"?
Joey: I just figured it out, you know? I mean, you're not working, and the economy is bad.
Chandler: Oh, right.
Joey: That is the fastest I have ever thought.

Phoebe: I've always wanted to live with a guy. Pick up your socks. Put down the toilet seat. No, we are not having sex anymore. It's gonna be fun.

Joey: Oh, God, baby-proofing. Why is it such a big deal now? You know, when I was a kid, it was like: "Whoops, Joey fell down the stairs." Or, "Whoops, Joey electrocuted himself again."

Chandler: Did you write a check to Monica for $2000? Did Monica borrow money from you?
Joey: Uh. Kind of.
Chandler: I can't believe her. Did she tell you we were having money problems?
Joey: Oh, no, no, no. It wasn't because of your money problems. It was for something for her.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Something personal.
Chandler: What would she get for herself for $2000 that she wouldn't tell me about?
Woman: Excuse me.
Joey: Boob job.
Chandler: I don't want her to get a boob job. That's crazy.
Joey: Well, it's not that crazy, okay? Making them smaller, that would be crazy.

Chandler: Do you know there is not one thing that I would change about you? Not one single thing. And definitely not ... two single things.
Monica: Okay, you're being weird. Do you want sex, or did you do something bad?
Chandler: No. No. No. I just love the way you look. I am warm for your form.
Monica: Okay, you know the old classics like, you know, "You look nice"? They're still okay.
Chandler: Well, yes. Yes. But "you look nice" could mean that I'm saying, "Your face looks nice." I want to compliment your body. I mean, I wouldn't change it at all. And more specifically, I wouldn't want anything to get any bigger.
Monica: Okay.
Chandler: I mean you wouldn't want any part of me to get any bigger, would you? Don't answer that.

Chandler: Have you seen our bank statement? Can this be right?
Monica: I know. God, I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with Double Stuf Oreos.

Chandler: You know, I think we're making too big a deal out of this. So we'll pay our bills a little late this month. And maybe next month we'll cut back on a few things. And maybe we start eating out of Joey's refrigerator for a change. You're a chef. What can you make out of baking soda and beer?

Monica: All right, worst-case scenario is we borrow some money from my parents.
Chandler: No, we're not borrowing money.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because we don't do that. We are Bings. If there's one thing my father taught me, it was- Well, to always knock before going into the pool house. But the other thing was never borrow money.
Monica: Wow. I had no idea you had this much pride.
Chandler: That's right, I do. I am your man and I am gonna get us through this situation even if it means you working twice as hard.