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‘The One with the Boob Job’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Boob Job

916. The One with the Boob Job

Aired February 20, 2003

With Chandler no longer earning a wage, he and Monica separately turn to Joey for a loan. Meanwhile, Phoebe and Mike decide to move in together, and Rachel tries to baby-proof the apartment.

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: Listen, I wanted to ask you something about marriage.
Ross: Oh, great. Now you're seeking me out to make jokes? I mean, I can see if we're all hanging out, but to come to my home...

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Quote from Joey

Chandler: Anyway I need to borrow some money.
Joey: Oh, sure. Yeah, how much? Two thousand dollars?
Chandler: Yes, $2000 exactly. How did you know that?
Joey: Uh. Well, I know how much you used to make, and I know how much your rent is.
Chandler: Oh, okay.
Joey: I am on fire.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Look, Monica and I are having a little financial trouble.
Joey: Yeah, I know.
Chandler: What? What do you mean, you "know"?
Joey: I just figured it out, you know? I mean, you're not working, and the economy is bad.
Chandler: Oh, right.
Joey: That is the fastest I have ever thought.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I've always wanted to live with a guy. Pick up your socks. Put down the toilet seat. No, we are not having sex anymore. It's gonna be fun.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Oh, God, baby-proofing. Why is it such a big deal now? You know, when I was a kid, it was like: "Whoops, Joey fell down the stairs." Or, "Whoops, Joey electrocuted himself again."

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Have you seen our bank statement? Can this be right?
Monica: I know. God, I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with Double Stuf Oreos.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You know, I think we're making too big a deal out of this. So we'll pay our bills a little late this month. And maybe next month we'll cut back on a few things. And maybe we start eating out of Joey's refrigerator for a change. You're a chef. What can you make out of baking soda and beer?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: All right, worst-case scenario is we borrow some money from my parents.
Chandler: No, we're not borrowing money.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because we don't do that. We are Bings. If there's one thing my father taught me, it was- Well, to always knock before going into the pool house. But the other thing was never borrow money.
Monica: Wow. I had no idea you had this much pride.
Chandler: That's right, I do. I am your man and I am gonna get us through this situation even if it means you working twice as hard.

Quote from Phoebe

Mike: You know what? I just realized something. I don't want to go home.
Phoebe: Great. Okay, I'll go get the tube top.

Quote from Joey

Monica: Listen, I need to know that what I'm about to ask you will never get back to Chandler.
Joey: I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it myself. But Chandler is my best friend.
It would be wrong. Good, but wrong.
Monica: Okay, first of all, it would be great. But that's not what I'm here to talk to you about.

Quote from Joey

Monica: I need to borrow some money.
Joey: Oh, I don't know, Monica. You know lending friends money is always a mistake.
Monica: But Chandler lent you money.
Joey: And I think he would tell you it was a mistake.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: You know, I've never lived with a guy before.
Monica: Well, it's just like living with a girl, only they don't steal your makeup. Unless they're playing "This Is What My Sister Would Look Like."
Chandler: Yeah, she's not so cute.

Quote from Chandler

Mike: I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Phoebe: Well, you put down the toilet seat.
Mike: Yes, dear.
Monica: Is that a bit you guys do?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. We're playing you two.
Monica: We don't do that. Tell her we don't do that.
Chandler: Yes, dear.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Did you write a check to Monica for $2000? Did Monica borrow money from you?
Joey: Uh. Kind of.
Chandler: I can't believe her. Did she tell you we were having money problems?
Joey: Oh, no, no, no. It wasn't because of your money problems. It was for something for her.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Something personal.
Chandler: What would she get for herself for $2000 that she wouldn't tell me about?
Woman: Excuse me.
Joey: Boob job.
Chandler: I don't want her to get a boob job. That's crazy.
Joey: Well, it's not that crazy, okay? Making them smaller, that would be crazy.

Quote from Mike

Mike: It's just, my first marriage was you know, such a disaster that I kind of lost faith in the whole idea.
Phoebe: Was it that bad?
Mike: At one point, near the end she deliberately defecated on my-
Phoebe: Okay, well, that's bad.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Do you know there is not one thing that I would change about you? Not one single thing. And definitely not ... two single things.
Monica: Okay, you're being weird. Do you want sex, or did you do something bad?
Chandler: No. No. No. I just love the way you look. I am warm for your form.
Monica: Okay, you know the old classics like, you know, "You look nice"? They're still okay.
Chandler: Well, yes. Yes. But "you look nice" could mean that I'm saying, "Your face looks nice.
" I want to compliment your body. I mean, I wouldn't change it at all. And more specifically, I wouldn't want anything to get any bigger.
Monica: Okay.
Chandler: I mean you wouldn't want any part of me to get any bigger, would you? Don't answer that.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Are you still gonna move in with him?
Phoebe: Well, I want to, but I just wanted you to tell me that marriage really isn't that big a deal. You know, that I won't be missing out on anything. That marriage stinks.
Ross: Yeah, marriage stinks. I mean, if you want to see a man gain weight and a woman stop shaving get them married.
Phoebe: That's not how you really feel, is it?
Ross: No, I'm sorry. Look, I know it's not what you want to hear right now, but I can't help it. I love marriage.
Phoebe: Seriously, you? "Divorce-o"?
Ross: If you have to call me a name, I'd prefer "Ross, the Divorcer." It's just cooler.

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: Yeah, thanks. This helped. Thanks.
Ross: The Divorcer to the rescue.
Phoebe: It's not cooler.
Ross: Yeah, I just heard it.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Well, my breasts are gonna get bigger whether you like it or not. And, you know what, it's not just my breasts. My ass is gonna get bigger too.
Chandler: Your ass?!
Rachel: And don't be surprised if her hands and her feet get bigger too.
Chandler: They do that?
Monica: It's kind of a package deal.
Chandler: God, why? Why would you want to do that to yourself?
Monica: I thought it was something that we both wanted.
Chandler: All right, look, if it means that much to you, I may be able to get onboard with the boobs but the giant ass and the big clown feet?

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Joey, why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
Joey: Because she is.
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Joey: Uh-huh. For your boob job.
Chandler: Joe-
Monica: It's over.
Joey: Okay, so I'm out $4000 and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were all caught up in the whole soccer-mom thing but is that really you? I mean, can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Phoebe: They are awfully boxy.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: Hey, where do you guys want this?
Rachel: Yeah, seriously, because this is really heavy. I mean, not for me, because I'm only pretending to hold it, but for these guys.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I did it! I did it! All right. I'd better take all I can carry. Who knows when I'll be able to get in here again, huh?

Quote from Mike

Mike: Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you about Monica's little "groomie" joke.
Phoebe: Well, I think the reason people laughed is that it's a play on the word "roomie."
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was.


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