Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The One Where Rosita Dies’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Rosita Dies

713. The One Where Rosita Dies

Aired February 1, 2001

Rachel breaks Joey's chair, which he nicknamed Rosita, and has to buy him another one. Meanwhile, Monica and Ross visit their parents' house to collect their childhood belongings, and Phoebe takes a telemarketing job selling toner.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Well, wait a minute. I mean, a couple of stupid boxes get wet, and she gets a Porsche?
Jack Geller: Why don't we take it for a spin?
Monica: All right.
Ross: What about me? I'm a medical marvel!

Rate

Quote from Phoebe

Earl: Okay, so no toner today. Thanks anyway. Bye-bye.
Phoebe: No, no, wait, wait! I can't just let you hang up. Just please talk to me.
Earl: Well, I only had one thing to do today. I guess I could push it back.
Phoebe: Yeah. Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
Earl: I've been working for 10 years now at this meaningless, dead-end job and nobody here even knows that I exist.
Phoebe: Chandler?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: All right. Earl, let's just forget about the people at the office, okay? There's gotta be someone else in your life that's worth sticking around for. What about your family or friends? Or maybe a girlfriend?
Earl: Yeah, right.
Phoebe: Oh, sorry. Boyfriend?
Earl: Okay, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See you.
Phoebe: No. I'm not finished yet. Don't you dare hang up on me!
Supervisor: The new girl's good.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Joey, it's just a chair. What's the big deal?
Joey: The big deal is it's the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and it's at the perfect angle where you don't get any glare coming off Stevie.
Rachel: Stevie the TV?
Joey: Is there a problem?

Quote from Monica

Ross: I can't believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some stranger's gonna be living in my room.
Monica: Well, after fifteen years of Mom and Dad keeping it as a shrine to you, it's time the velvet ropes came down.

Quote from Jack Geller

Ross: Dad, we can't believe you're selling the house.
Jack Geller: Well, it's time for a new family to start their memories here. And hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.

Quote from Monica

Monica: I can't wait to see everything again. All the memories.
Jack Geller: Well, I don't know what's in the boxes down here. But I do know there are six or seven Easy-Bake Ovens in the attic.
Monica: I used to love to play restaurant.
Ross: Yeah, not as much as you loved to play "uncooked batter eater."
Monica: Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies.

Quote from Jack Geller

Jack Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross. Now, I'm sorry about everything that happened and I'll probably never be able to make it up to you, but here's a start.
Monica: What's this?
Jack Geller: It's the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.
Monica: What?
Ross: What?!
Jack Geller: I've been thinking of getting rid of it. And I was driving it the other day and I saw my reflection in a store window. Your mother's right, I do look like an ass.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Do you know what happened to Chandler's Barcalounger?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, Joey broke it and had to get rid of it.
Monica: Are you kidding? I get a Porsche and the Barcalounger's gone? This is the best day ever!

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Come on, help me move this.
Joey: No, no, no.
Rachel: No?
Joey: No. Rosita does not move.
Rachel: I'm sorry. Rosita? As in?
Joey: As in "Rosita does not move."

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: What does he know? Come on, Rosita. Us chicas gotta stick together. [Rachel attempts to move the chair, it breaks in two] You bitch!

Quote from Monica

Ross: They kept your room a while.
Monica: Please! Dad turned my room into a gym twenty minutes after I moved out. I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs? Not a gym.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Come on. You know they love you.
Monica: As much as they love you?
Ross: I was their first born. They thought she was barren. It's not my fault.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Ugh, I hate this year.
Ross: What's wrong with this year?
Phoebe: It's already February and I've only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world.
Monica: That was me and Ross.
Phoebe: Oh, that's right.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Hey, if you want to make some extra cash, some friends of mine made good money in college doing telemarketing.
Phoebe: Yeah, it'd probably be better than the last telephone job I had. I probably won't have to say "spank" as much.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, like you never called.

Quote from Phoebe

Supervisor: Why don't we do a trial run?
Phoebe: Oh, okay. All right. Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies. Can I speak to your supply manager, please?
Supervisor: I'm the supply manager.
Phoebe: Okay, I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Supervisor: We don't need any toner.
Phoebe: Okay, I'm sorry to bother you. Bye-bye.Yeah, you're right. This is easy.
Supervisor: Okay. What was wrong with that call?
Phoebe: Oh, well, all right. No offense, but you were kind of rude.
Supervisor: They're always going to tell you that they don't need toner, but that's okay. Because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it, here in the script. So I think you're ready to sell toner. Do you have any last questions?
Phoebe: No. Oh, wait, yes, I do. I do have one question: What is toner?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Joey? Joe? Full bag? Beer's still cold. Something terrible must have happened here.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Cool, Dad, my report cards! Hey, check this out, Dad. Math, "A." Science, "A." History, "A." Gym... Ooh, my rock polisher!

Quote from Jack Geller

Jack Geller: You don't secretly smoke, do you?
Ross: No.
Jack Geller: So it's just your mother.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: This is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies. I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Earl: I don't need any toner.
Phoebe: I hear what you're saying, but at our prices, everyone needs toner.
Earl: Not me.
Phoebe: May I ask why?
Earl: You want to know why? You want to know why?
Phoebe: I surely do.
Earl: Okay. I don't need any toner because I'm gonna kill myself.
Phoebe: [looking through the handbook] Um... Is that because you're out of toner?

Quote from Joey

Joey: She's healed!
Rachel: That's weird.
Joey: No, it's not weird. It's a miracle.
Rachel: It's not a miracle, Joey. I'm sure there's some explanation.
Joey: Oh, there is. If you want something enough and your heart is pure, wondrous things can happen.

Quote from Ross

Ross: See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
Jack Geller: Oh, my God. Does she really think that?
Ross: Well, can you blame her?
Jack Geller: I don't know. I suppose we may have favored you unconsciously. You were a medical marvel. The doctors said your mom couldn't-
Ross: Dad, Dad, I don't want to hear about it.
Jack Geller: Really?
Ross: Well, not right now.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: You know, this thing has speakers in the headrest?
Joey: No, really?
Rachel: Yeah. You can hook it up to the TV and you get radio.
Joey: My chair heals itself.

Quote from Jack Geller

Monica: Why wasn't Ross's stuff ruined?
Jack Geller: Well, I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche.
Monica: Wait. So Ross's stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water?
Jack Geller: There was also leaves and gook and stuff.

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: What made you do it?
Rachel: Well, it's a long story, but, I broke Joey's chair-
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You broke Joey's chair?
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: I thought I broke Joey's chair, that's why I replaced it with mine.
Rachel: Oh. That's how it got fixed.
Chandler: What did you think? That elves came in and fixed it?
Rachel: No. Angels.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Excuse me. Could you tell me where can I find Earl? He's the supply manager here.
Woman: Sorry, I don't know any Earl.
Earl: I'm right here!
Phoebe: Earl? I'm Phoebe.
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
Phoebe: Um, look, you can't kill yourself.
Earl: Look, I really appreciate you coming down-
Phoebe: No, no. I can't let you do it.
Earl: Why?
Phoebe: Because, it was fate that made me call you today.
Earl: I thought it was toner.
Phoebe: No. Think about it, okay? This isn't even my regular job. Okay and my first day on the job, you're my first call. And somebody else might have hung up on you, but I wouldn't do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Earl: Really? How?
Phoebe: I'm not gonna give you tips.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Look, don't you see that this all came together so I could stop you from doing this?
Earl: Couldn't it just be a coincidence?
Phoebe: No, it's fate.
Earl: It doesn't really seem like enough to be fate.
Phoebe: Oh, well. Okay, here's a weird thing. My mother was also a supply manager.
Earl: I'm actually the office manager.
Phoebe: Oh, my God! So was she! And get this, okay. Your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl. Puh-Earl.
Earl: Was there anything else?
Phoebe: Sure. Um, where're you from?
Earl: Philadelphia.
Phoebe: Oh, my God, so was she! I've got goose bumps.
Earl: Really?
Phoebe: Well, you know, I'm wearing layers, and it's warm. Okay, these jerks might not care about you but the universe does, and that says a lot.
Earl: Did you hear that? I don't need you guys to care about me because the universe cares! The whole universe! I really wish they'd care a little bit.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Hey, you know what's weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people you're gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "my friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." That's weird isn't it?
Chandler: Couldn't I just say, "This is Ross?"
Ross: [disappointed] Sure, do whatever you want.

Quote from Jack Geller

Jack Geller: Look, there's your old makeup kit!
Ross: It's a clown kit! Clown kit!
Jack Geller: Well, the white seems to be untouched.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Can you tell me how this happened?
Rachel: Well no.
Joey: Miracle!
Rachel: No, you know what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or something.
Joey: Someone like... an angel?
Rachel: That's right, Joey, the chair angel came in and heeled your chair. [sits down in chair]
Joey: Get your non-believer ass outta my chair!

Quote from Monica

Monica: Hey, I just whipped us up some Easy Bake treats. They should be ready in about three days.

Quote from Jack Geller

Monica: Oh, an old glove?
Jack Geller: Oh, yeah you loved that glove. You took it every place you went. You never went any place without that glove.


 Episode 712 Episode 714 
  Select another episode