‘The One with the East German Laundry Detergent’
Season 1, Episode 5 - Aired October 20, 1994
When Chandler and Phoebe vow to breakup with their partners at the same time, Chandler struggles to do the deed with Janice. Meanwhile, Ross helps Rachel master an important part of independent living, laundry, and Joey convinces Monica to join him on a double date that's not quite what it seems.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. It's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing.
You're like the boom, boom, boom.
Janice: Ow!
Chandler: Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?
Janice: Ow. It's just my lens. It's my lens. I'll be right back. Ow.
Chandler: I hit her in the eye. I hit her in the eye! This is the worst breakup in the history of the world!
Quote from Janice
Chandler: Hey, Janice.
Janice: My God, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Chandler: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here?
Janice: We got the proofs back from the photo shoot. You know, the one with the little vegetables. They pretty much sucked. So, I blew off the afternoon and went shopping.
And I got you- I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm looking. I got you-
Chandler: [watching Pheobe smoothly break up with her boyfriend] What?
Janice: What?
Chandler: What did you get me there?
Janice: I got you these.
Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's sweet.
Janice: Well, I knew you had Rockys. So I figured you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you could wear Rocky and Rocky, or you can mix and match. Moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
Chandler: [downs his espresso] Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. More latte?
Janice: No. No, l'm still working on mine. [laughs]
Quote from Chandler
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. It was horrible! He called me "young lady."
Chandler: Oh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Quote from Chandler
Monica: Would you let it go? It's not a big deal.
Ross: Not a big deal? It's amazing. You reach in, there's one maneuver and bam! A bra. Right out the sleeve. As far as I know, guys don't do anything that comes close. Right?
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler: We can? Okay, I'm trying that.
Quote from Chandler
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it.
Chandler: I know. But it's just so hard. You're sitting there with her. She has no idea. You finally get up the courage to do it. There's that awkward moment when you've handed her the note.
Quote from Ross
Ross: Monica's not coming. It's just gonna be me and Rachel.
Chandler: Well, hold on, camper. Have you thought this through?
Ross: It's laundry. The thinking-through is pretty minimal.
Quote from Ross
Ross: Oh, hey. You must need detergent.
Rachel: What's that?
Ross: Uberweiss. It's new. It's German. It's extra tough!
Quote from Ross
Ross: Rach, are you gonna separate those?
Rachel: Oh, God. Am I being a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use one machine for shirts and another for pants?
Ross: Have you never done this before?
Rachel: Well, not myself. But I know other people that have. Okay, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Ross: Well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle.
Quote from Monica
Monica: I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific.
Angela: Yeah, isn't he?
Monica: It's great to meet a smart, funny guy who's emotionally older than 8.
Angela: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed!
Monica: Wow! My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity.
Angela: Huh. That's nice.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: [sorting Rachel's pink laundry] What a neat idea! All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this.