TV Quotes

Rachel: We had a deep, meaningful relationship.
Gavin: Huh. What was Tag's last name?
Rachel: It was- Oh, my God. He didn't- He didn't- He didn't have a last name. It was just Tag, you know, like Cher or, you know, Moses.
Gavin: But it was a deep, meaningful relationship.

Joey: Where's Mon?
Chandler: Oh, she's at home putting up decorations for Rachel's birthday party tonight.
Joey: And you're not helping?
Chandler: I tried but apparently singing "I Will Survive" in a helium voice, not helping.

[Emma cries]
Ross: Somebody's getting a little fussy.
Joey: You're damn right I am. I've been waiting for a cookie for seven minutes.

Rachel: Wow, Molly's just great.
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Yes, bravo on the hot nanny.
Ross: What? You really think she's hot?
Chandler: Are you kidding? If I wasn't married, she'd be rejecting me right now.
Rachel: Joey?
Joey: How do you think she's doing?

Phoebe: Hey, Mike, what's the capital of Peru?
Mike: Lima.
Phoebe: No. It starts with a V and ends with an X. And hopefully with a T-O in the middle.
Mike: You know, come to think of it, the capital of Peru is "Vtox."

Mike: You can't keep a rat in your apartment. They're extremely unsanitary. I mean, they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.
Phoebe: What are those?
Mike: I don't know but they don't sound like spa treatments.

Rachel: Gavin, I just want to say thank you again for watching Emma yesterday during the presentation. I really owe you an apology.
Gavin: For what?
Rachel: Well, when we first met, you know, I thought you were pompous and arrogant and obnoxious.
Gavin: Is this your first apology?

Rachel: I mean, I just think you are totally inappropriate. Okay? This is a work environment. She's your subordinate.
Gavin: But it was okay when you slept with your old assistant, Tag?
Rachel: That is totally different for two reasons. One: I didn't know that you knew that. And two: I wasn't some creep staring at his ass.

Ross: Can you keep an eye on Joey make sure nothing happens between him and Molly?
Chandler: You don't trust him?
Ross: Well, no. Some woman who sounded a lot like Joey called earlier and asked for her daughter, the "hot nanny."

Chandler: Where you going, Joe?
Joey: For a walk.
Chandler: You mind if I join you?
Joey: Actually, I'd rather be alone. You know, I really need to organize my thoughts.
Chandler: Your thoughts? Plural?
Joey: All right, fine. I only have one thought. It's about the hot nanny. I gotta see her.

Rachel: Excuse me, Gavin. I have a question I need to ask you.
Gavin: Mom, I'll call you later. Yes?
Rachel: If you like looking at butts so much why don't you just go look in a mirror?
Gavin: Thank God you finally said that. I saw you make a note on your pad three hours ago.

Rachel: But first, Monica, I would like to introduce you to my very talented colleague and more importantly my wonderful friend, Gavin Mitchell.
Gavin: Pleased to meet you.
Monica: Pleased to meet you. So are you coming to Rachel's party?
Rachel: Oh, no, no, no, no. Gavin can't. He already has plans, most likely with his mother.

Rachel: Why did you invite him? I can't stand that guy.
Monica: You were being so nice to him.
Rachel: I was faking it. Can't you tell when I'm being fake? Hey, Mr. Phillips. Nice suit.
Monica: Right there. That was so fake.
Rachel: Ssh!

Rachel: Thanks for the party, honey. Should I help you clean up?
Monica: No way. You had your party. Now I have mine.

Monica: Well, at least you have one thing to be happy about. That jerk, Gavin, from your office didn't show up.
Gavin: Yeah, I hate him.
Monica: We weren't talking about you. We were- No. No way to recover.

Gavin: Fun party.
Rachel: Well, it was. And you would have seen it if you didn't show up at- Ugh, 9:30. God, this party was lame.
Monica: Again, you're welcome!

Ross: Hey, guys.
Joey: Hey. [singing] Happy Birthday-
Rachel: Ssh. Don't say that loud. Gunther's gonna want to hug me.

Rachel: Am I the only one that doesn't think she's hot? Ross?
Ross: Eh. I mean, she's not unattractive, but- But hot?
Rachel: Thank you.
Chandler: Now that Rachel's gone?
Ross: So hot, I cried myself to sleep last night.

Mike: Oh, God!
Phoebe: What?
Mike: Okay. I don't want to freak you out or anything but I just saw a rat in your cupboard.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. No, that's Bob.
Mike: Well, he's your pet rat?
Phoebe: Well, not so much a pet as, you know, an occasional visitor who I put food out for. Kind of like Santa. Except Santa doesn't poop on the plate of cookies.

Phoebe: Okay, fine. If it means that much to you, I'll get rid of Bob.
Mike: Thank you.
Phoebe: It's so weird you think he's so gross, yet you're willing to eat his crackers.