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‘The One with Phoebe's Rats’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Phoebe's Rats

912. The One with Phoebe's Rats

Aired January 16, 2003

When Ross and Rachel hire an attractive nanny, they worry about Joey hitting on her. Meanwhile, Rachel is upset when Monica invites her co-worker Gavin to her birthday party, and Phoebe and Mike care for an orphaned family of rats.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: We had a deep, meaningful relationship.
Gavin: Huh. What was Tag's last name?
Rachel: It was- Oh, my God. He didn't- He didn't- He didn't have a last name. It was just Tag, you know, like Cher or, you know, Moses.
Gavin: But it was a deep, meaningful relationship.

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Quote from Chandler

Joey: Where's Mon?
Chandler: Oh, she's at home putting up decorations for Rachel's birthday party tonight.
Joey: And you're not helping?
Chandler: I tried but apparently singing "I Will Survive" in a helium voice, not helping.

Quote from Joey

[Emma cries]
Ross: Somebody's getting a little fussy.
Joey: You're damn right I am. I've been waiting for a cookie for seven minutes.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Wow, Molly's just great.
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Yes, bravo on the hot nanny.
Ross: What? You really think she's hot?
Chandler: Are you kidding? If I wasn't married, she'd be rejecting me right now.
Rachel: Joey?
Joey: How do you think she's doing?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, Mike, what's the capital of Peru?
Mike: Lima.
Phoebe: No. It starts with a V and ends with an X. And hopefully with a T-O in the middle.
Mike: You know, come to think of it, the capital of Peru is "Vtox."

Quote from Mike

Mike: You can't keep a rat in your apartment. They're extremely unsanitary. I mean, they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.
Phoebe: What are those?
Mike: I don't know but they don't sound like spa treatments.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Gavin, I just want to say thank you again for watching Emma yesterday during the presentation. I really owe you an apology.
Gavin: For what?
Rachel: Well, when we first met, you know, I thought you were pompous and arrogant and obnoxious.
Gavin: Is this your first apology?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I mean, I just think you are totally inappropriate. Okay? This is a work environment. She's your subordinate.
Gavin: But it was okay when you slept with your old assistant, Tag?
Rachel: That is totally different for two reasons. One: I didn't know that you knew that. And two: I wasn't some creep staring at his ass.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Can you keep an eye on Joey make sure nothing happens between him and Molly?
Chandler: You don't trust him?
Ross: Well, no. Some woman who sounded a lot like Joey called earlier and asked for her daughter, the "hot nanny."

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Where you going, Joe?
Joey: For a walk.
Chandler: You mind if I join you?
Joey: Actually, I'd rather be alone. You know, I really need to organize my thoughts.
Chandler: Your thoughts? Plural?
Joey: All right, fine. I only have one thought. It's about the hot nanny. I gotta see her.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Excuse me, Gavin. I have a question I need to ask you.
Gavin: Mom, I'll call you later. Yes?
Rachel: If you like looking at butts so much why don't you just go look in a mirror?
Gavin: Thank God you finally said that. I saw you make a note on your pad three hours ago.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: But first, Monica, I would like to introduce you to my very talented colleague and more importantly my wonderful friend, Gavin Mitchell.
Gavin: Pleased to meet you.
Monica: Pleased to meet you. So are you coming to Rachel's party?
Rachel: Oh, no, no, no, no. Gavin can't. He already has plans, most likely with his mother.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Why did you invite him? I can't stand that guy.
Monica: You were being so nice to him.
Rachel: I was faking it. Can't you tell when I'm being fake? Hey, Mr. Phillips. Nice suit.
Monica: Right there. That was so fake.
Rachel: Ssh!

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Thanks for the party, honey. Should I help you clean up?
Monica: No way. You had your party. Now I have mine.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Well, at least you have one thing to be happy about. That jerk, Gavin, from your office didn't show up.
Gavin: Yeah, I hate him.
Monica: We weren't talking about you. We were- No. No way to recover.

Quote from Rachel

Gavin: Fun party.
Rachel: Well, it was. And you would have seen it if you didn't show up at- Ugh, 9:30. God, this party was lame.
Monica: Again, you're welcome!


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