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‘The One with the Lottery’ Quotes Page 1 of 7    

Friends: The One with the Lottery

918. The One with the Lottery

Aired April 3, 2003

When the friends pool their cash to buy dozens of lottery tickets, disagreements break out over how to split the potential jackpot. Meanwhile, Chandler is expecting news about an advertising job, and Ross and Rachel are waiting for Emma's first word.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: I have an idea. Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks, we'll pool our money together and then if we win, we'll split it.
Phoebe: That's a great idea.
Ross: No, thanks.
Phoebe: You don't want to win the lottery?
Ross: Sure I do. I also want to be king of my own country and find out what happened to Amelia Earhart.
Chandler: Still on Amelia Earhart?
Ross: The woman just vanished!


Quote from Chandler

Monica: How do you know she's gonna start talking?
Rachel: Well, when I talk to her, I almost feel like she understands what I'm saying.
Chandler: Kind of like Joey.
Joey: What's that now?

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: I hope I win.
Monica: Well, it doesn't really matter. You're both wishing for the same thing, right?
Joey: I can't tell you what I'm wishing for, or else, you know, it won't come true.
Monica: Right. But we know what you're wishing for.
Joey: I can't really say.
Monica: I understand. But you're wishing for what we think, aren't you?
Joey: I'm not really comfortable with these questions!

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Phoebe, we lost half the tickets.
Phoebe: So what? Monica, we have the winning ticket. My psychic said I was gonna win, remember?
Ross: Weird your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon.
Phoebe: As a matter of fact, she said that's how I'm going to die. So excuse me for being a little skittish.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Okay. Okay. Gleba. Gleba. Gleba. Gleba! Oh, here it is. "The fleshy, spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi."
Ross: She's gonna be a scientist.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Hey, that is so great about the job.
Chandler: Thanks, man.
Joey: And I'd like to think I had something to do with it.
Chandler: Oh, really? Why?
Joey: Well, before with the wishbone. I didn't wish we would win the lottery. I wished you'd get the job.
Chandler: Oh, yeah? Listen, don't tell Monica. She'll rip your heart right out.
Joey: Oh, yeah.

Quote from Chandler

Steve: Chandler, hi. I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
Chandler: Well, no, no, no, no, no. I'd love to be somebody's assistant. Answering phones getting coffee, I live for that stuff. And I'm not too mature. Farts, boobies, butt cracks.
Steve: Chandler, you were the strongest person in the program. We're offering you the position of junior copywriter.
Chandler: Me? That guy who just said, "butt cracks"?
Steve: Yes, that's right. We're excited about the level of sophistication you'll be bringing to the job.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Seriously, Ross, you don't want in on this?
Ross: No. Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I mean, you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times.
Chandler: Yes, but there's six of us, so we'd only have to get struck 7 times.
Joey: I like those odds!

Quote from Monica

Monica: God, look at all these tickets. It's so exciting. I haven't won anything since sixth grade.
Chandler: Pie-eating contest?
Monica: Oh, you assume because I was heavy that's the only way I could win something?
Chandler: No, I saw a picture of you covered in blueberries.
Monica: That was a good day.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Oh, my God, Ross, you don't have Emma. And Rachel, you don't have Emma. Where's Emma? Who has Emma?
Rachel: Joey, relax. My mother picked her up two hours ago. You were there.
Joey: I was?
Rachel: Yes, and you talked to her.
Joey: I did?
Rachel: She dropped off a casserole.
Joey: Oh, yeah, the casserole lady.

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