Joey: I should get going. Big day at work. You know how I'm in a coma? Well, today they do this test on me and it turns out I'm not brain-dead.
Chandler: So-
Joey: Ah-ah, Mr. Smarty Pants. It's just my character that's not brain-dead.

Waiter: Are you guys ready?
Phoebe: Yes. I'll have a green salad, house dressing and water's fine.
Waiter: And for you, sir?
Joey: Yeah. This slow-roasted salmon, just how slow are we talking?
Waiter: It's already been roasted.
Joey: Oh, then no. Maybe I should hear those specials again.
Phoebe: Oh, Joey, we've heard the specials three times, okay. There's prime rib, mahi-mahi and a very special lobster ravioli.
Waiter: Actually, we're out of the lobster ravioli.
Joey: Oh, well, that changes everything!

Monica: You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me? Why? Why wouldn't you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done? Stuart.
Frannie: I believe you know my husband.
Ross: So it's really a question of "who" could you possibly have done.

Phoebe: Okay, now's not the time, Joey, all right. You can yell at me tomorrow.
Joey: Wait, no, no, Pheebs. I'm not gonna yell at you. I just started thinking about you and David and I remember how bummed you were the first time he left, I just- Oh, Pheebs, come here. Are you okay?
Phoebe: No, I'm not okay. The only guy I've ever been crazy about is going to Minsk and I may never see him again.
Joey: You could always visit him.
Phoebe: Oh, right. Like they're going to let me have a passport.
Joey: Anything I can do? Whatever you need.
Phoebe: Well, now if you achieve positronic distillation of subatomic particles, you know, before he does then he could come back. [Phoebe and Joey hug]
Joey: I could give it a shot.

[Rachel and Chandler are eating cheesecake off the hallway floor]
Rachel: There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it.
Chandler: Stick to your side.
Rachel: Come on, now.
Joey: [pulls a fork out of his pocket] All right, what are we having?

Rachel: No, we're going to split it. You take half and I take half.
Chandler: That's not fair. You've already had some.
Rachel: Well, I think Monica would be very interested to know that you called her cheesecake "dry and mealy."
Chandler: What do we use to split it?
Rachel: Okay. All right, pick a half.
Chandler: Okay. Well, this side looks bigger. But there's more crust on this side. Maybe if I measure it-
Rachel: Oh, for God sake, just pick a piece!
Chandler: All right, I pick that one.
Rachel: Ha, that's the smaller piece. Okay. There you go. Enjoy your half, my friend. But that is it. No sharing, no switching, and don't come crying to me if you eat your piece too fast.

Chandler: You have got to try this cheesecake.
Rachel: You know, I'm not that much of a sweet tooth- Oh, my God, it's so creamy. Oh, my God, that is the best cheesecake I've ever had. Where did you get this?
Chandler: It was at the front door when I got home. Somebody sent it to us.
Rachel: Chandler, this is not addressed to you. This is addressed to Mrs. Braverman downstairs. Thief!
Chandler: I didn't read the box before I opened it and you can't return a box after you opened the box.
Rachel: Why not?
Chandler: Because it's too delicious.
Rachel: Chandler, you stole this cheesecake. That's wrong.
Chandler: No, no, no. It is going to be okay because Mrs. Braverman is going to send away for a free one and that way, we all win. The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, "Mama's Little Bakery." I feel terrible. I'm a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Rachel: [eating the cheesecake] I'm sorry, what?

Ross: What's at 8?
Phoebe: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys.
Ross: Wow. Did not know that. May I say how lovely you look today?
Phoebe: Duly noted.

Ross: You know what nickname never caught on? "The Ross-a-tron."

Phoebe: Here's Joseph Francis!
Rachel: Whoa, whoa, what are you middle-naming me for? I left you a note.