TV Quotes

Chandler: Hey, so we thought we'd throw you a little going away party around 7:00.
Rachel: Oh, that sounds good.
Monica: Hey Rach, you're leaving tomorrow. Shouldn't you be packing?
Rachel: It's all done.
Monica: Oh yeah, right. And after I took a shower this morning I just threw my towel on the floor. Oh, God. It hurts to even joke about it.

Chandler: Where's your passport?
Rachel: It should be right next to my plane ticket.
Chandler: Well, it's not.
Rachel: What? Maybe I put it in here. Oh, oh, it's not in there. Oh, no I must have packed it in one of these boxes.
Monica: Here, let me help you.
Rachel: Shoot. Oh, I can't believe I did this.
Chandler: At what point did it stop being funny that I took her passport?

Monica: Oh, wow, can you believe you're really 3 weeks away?
Erica: I know.
Monica: You don't mind me touching your belly, do you?
Erica: No, I don't mind you touching my belly, but right now your hand's kinda blocking the part where baby's gonna come out.

Ross: Hey, Erica, welcome back to town. Wow, look how big you've gotten.
Erica: That's because I'm pregnant.
Ross: Right, no, I- I understand.
Erica: Oh, okay. I'm just always afraid that people think I'm just fat with big breasts.
Ross: No, no, I knew.
Monica: Okay, well, stop staring at them.
Ross: She brought them up.

Ross: Hey, is Chandler here? We talked about catching a movie.
Monica: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room.
Ross: Mmm, packing. Sexy cheerleader comedy.
Monica: Mmm, helpful brother. Creepy loner at teen movie.
Ross: "Creepy..."

Ross: What are you guys doing?
Joey: Try it. I can't feel a thing!
Monica: Are you kidding? This is packing?
Chandler: We're taking a break.
Monica: From?
Chandler: Jumping on the bed.

Ross: All right. She's right. We gotta get serious. Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him.

Chandler: No, no, no, guys. She's right. We should get to work. I'll take stuff out of the closet, Joey, you pack 'em, and Ross you re-pack whatever Joey packs.

Joey: You guys hear a ringing?

Monica: Where is Mike?
Phoebe: Oh, he has a gig. It's kind of like being married to a rock star, you know. My husband has a gig.
Ross: Yeah? Where where is it?
Phoebe: Oh, he's playing organ for a children's roller-skating party.
Ross: Rock on!

Phoebe: Wow, this is quite a spread. What is all this stuff?
Monica: Well, I thought this would be a great opportunity to use up all the food that I don't want to move to the new house with me. So, enjoy: smoked oyster casserole with a breakfast cereal crust, kidney beans in their own juices, and for dessert, a questionable orange.

Ross: How am I gonna say goodbye to Rachel?
Chandler: I know, she's been such a big part of my life. It feels like when "Melrose Place" got cancelled. I mean- Ah, forget about it. I miss "Melrose Place"!

Rachel: You guys are gonna come and visit me, right?
Phoebe: Yes. You know, in 6 months the Statue of Limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again.

Ross: Hey, what do you think they're doing in there?
Joey: If I had to guess I'd say Rachel's putting on the bubble wrap and Phoebe's doing the punching.

Monica: What are you talking about? These aren't mine.
Chandler: Oh yeah, right. Good luck getting another scarf dance from me.
Monica: That would be a terrible punishment.

Ross: I could be next. Maybe she won't talk to me if it looks like we're deep in conversation.
Joey: Okay.
Ross: Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.
Chandler: Uh, Rach?
Rachel: Yes.
Ross: Oh, it's okay, Chandler's talking to her.
Joey: I really made you think about that thing, huh?

Chandler: Uh, Rach, I think I have something that belongs to you.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sure gonna miss pretending to laugh at your weird jokes that I don't get.
Chandler: No, no, no. They're really yours. We found them in your old room.
Rachel: Well, these aren't mine. Maybe Monica used to use them with-
Chandler: Don't say Richard!

Chandler: You don't really handcuff guys to water pipes, do you?
Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is?

Rachel: Oh, honey-
Chandler: Let me just say something because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke. I just want to say that I- I love you. And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.
Rachel: Oh, you know what? Let's not say anything else. I love you.
Chandler: Ooh, not so tight [fart noise]- I'm sorry, just give me one more chance.
Rachel: Okay.
Chandler: [imitates farting] I'm sorry. Just go. Just go. I can't.

Monica: You ready?
Ross: I don't think so.
Chandler: Oh, you're definitely not. I haven't cried like that in years.
Monica: You cried yesterday at the 6 o'clock news.
Chandler: That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic.

Rachel: I think I'm gonna to take off.
Ross: Huh?
Rachel: Oh, you guys. This was an amazing night. Thank you so much. I love you. Good night.
Ross: What?! I don't get a goodbye?
Joey: Lucky bastard!

Ross: Unbelievable. She says goodbye to everyone but me.
Monica: Well, maybe she thought that with all of your history it could be, you know, implicit.
Ross: Well, it needs to be "plicit."

Joey: All right, let's think about this. I mean, there's got to be an explanation. Uh, did you do anything to make her mad?
Ross: No, I don't think so.
Phoebe: You know, maybe she was just really spent from our talk. It was pretty intense.
Monica: Yeah, mine too.
Chandler: Mine was a humdinger.
Ross: Okay! I mean don't I deserve anything? I mean, a few tears, a cursory hug? [Joey hugs Ross] Not from you!
Phoebe: Ross, if you're this upset, you should go and talk to her.
Monica: And say what? "You owe me a goodbye." I mean, he's got more pride than that.
Ross: The hell I do!

Ross: I don't get a goodbye? What? Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What have I got to do to get a goodbye, huh? Be best friends with you? Uh, go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things!
Rachel: Ross-
Ross: Oh, no, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not giving you enough credit. Uh, I mean it is difficult to say goodbye to 5 people. Uh, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, good [choking noises] Oh. It's physically impossible! You know what? After all we've been through, I can't believe this is how you want to leave things between us. Have a- Have a good time in Paris.

Monica: We're moving in a couple of days and we've got a lot of packing to do. It would be great if you guys could pitch in.
Chandler: Joey and I can finish up in the guest room.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea. [Joey gestures getting punched in the head]
Monica: Oh no. You and Phoebe are gonna help me in here.
Chandler: You couldn't be cool.

Monica: Okay, we're gonna start in the kitchen. Plates get put into plate protectors and stacked ten to a box. The silverware gets bundled in rubber bands and then bubble wrapped. Got it?
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: Good. Now I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember, if I'm harsh with you, it is only because you're doing it wrong.

Chandler: Hey, Mon, I think I've figured out whose handcuffs they are.
Monica: You did? How?
Chandler: Well, I was cleaning out the closet and I found some pictures of them ... being used.
Monica: Oh, my God. Let me see.
Joey: Who's that dirty old lady?
Chandler: Monica's grandmother.
Monica: Nana liked it rough!

Monica: Oh, my God. We're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby. Oh God, oh God, I've got to sit down, I've got to sit down.
Chandler: Honey, it's gonna be okay.
Erica: You can do this. Just breathe.
Monica: Okay, okay. Okay, I feel a little better.
Erica: Oh! Are you sure?
Monica: Oh! Yes, I'm sure.

Joey: Chandler, wait, wait, wait.
Chandler: What?
Joey: If you get a second, find out where she got that cheeseburger.

Monica: All right, Rachel's party is in a couple of hours and there's a lot to do. Now, Ross, you got Geller blood, you are in charge of these yahoos.
Ross: You got it.

Phoebe: I hope Ross isn't too upset.
Joey: I'm sure he's not more bummed out than I am.
Phoebe: Tell me about it.
Chandler: Well, you can't say we don't know how to throw a party.

Phoebe: All right, I think I'm gonna head out.
Monica: Uh, where do you think you're going?
Phoebe: I thought I was going home to go to bed, but I'm sensing there's something less fun for me to do here?