Phoebe: Oh, all right, stop! Stop the madness!

Rachel: Would you let me talk.
Monica: Did you just flick me?
Rachel: Well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was- Ow, that hurt!
Monica: Quit flicking!
Rachel: You stop flicking!
Monica: You flicked me first.
[Monica and Rachel start hitting each other]
Phoebe: Oh. Let's not do this. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.
[Monica gets Rachel to the ground, removes her sock and starts hitting her with it]
Phoebe: Okay, now I'm gonna kick some ass! [Phoebe grabs Monica and Rachel by their ears] All right. Now, I will let go if you both stop.

Susie: Come on. All right, mister. Let's see those panties.
Chandler: Alrighty.
Susie: Ooh. But you know what would be even sexier?
Chandler: What?
Susie: If you didn't have your shirt tucked into them. All right. Now, I would like to see you wearing nothing but them. Take your clothes off.
Chandler: Okay, but I hope you realize this means we're gonna miss hearing about the specials.
Susie: Come on, hurry!
Chandler: Hey, do you want this done quick or done right?
Susie: All right, turn around. I wanna see you from behind. Somebody's been doing his Buns of Steel video.
Chandler: So you want me to clench anything or? Susie?
Susie: This is for the fourth grade.
Chandler: What do you mean?
Susie: What do I mean? What do you mean, "what do I mean?"! I mean underpants, mister! That's what I mean!
Chandler: What? What do you mean?
Susie: My skirt, you lifted, kids laughing! I was Susie Underpants till I was 18!
Chandler: That was in fourth grade! How could you still be upset about that?
Susie: Well, why don't you call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this.
Chandler: I hope you realize you're not getting these underpants back!

Phoebe: You know, I think I want to write a song about all this.
Rachel: Oh, yeah?
Phoebe: Yeah. Ooh, except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Hey, Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?
Chandler: How long you been waiting to say that?
Phoebe: About 20 minutes.

[to a group of men dressed in Hazmat suits]
Chandler: So, you guys in the movie or you just really paranoid?

Chandler: Nice camouflage, man. For a minute there I almost didn't see you.

Rachel: So why don't you go over and talk to him? Go tell him he's cute. What's the worst that could happen?
Monica: He could hear me.

Phoebe: You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches.

Joey: So assistant to the director? That's an exciting job. You must have a ton of cool responsibilities-
Cathy: I have nothing to do with casting.
Joey: So what are you guys gonna eat?

Phoebe: Look at your purse. Look at your sweater. Look at yourselves.