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‘The One with Rachel's Date’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Rachel's Date

805. The One with Rachel's Date

Aired October 25, 2001

Phoebe dates a guy who works at Monica's restaurant, which poses a problem when she decides to dump him and Monica decides to fire him. Meanwhile, Chandler quashes a promotion for a colleague who mistakenly thinks he's called Toby, and Ross is upset when Rachel goes on a date with Joey's handsome co-star.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: So he calls me Toby once in a while. What's the big deal? It could be worse. It's not like he's calling me Muriel.
Ross: Muriel. Why would he call you Muriel? Oh, my God. Chandler "M." Bing. It's not just an "M." Your middle name is Muriel!
Chandler: Ssh. It is a family name.
Ross: Chandler Muriel Bing. Boy, your parents never even gave you a chance, did they?

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Quote from Joey

Joey: Dude, what is going on?
Ross: I just have to find out how it went.
Joey: Why?
Ross: This guy could be my baby's stepfather.
Joey: They go on one date and you're worried about them getting married? He's not you!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hey, Bob.
Bob: Hey, Toby. Have a good night.
Ross: Did that guy just call you Toby?
Chandler: Yeah, he thinks that's my name.
Ross: Well, why don't you correct him?
Chandler: Oh, it's been going on way too long now. I mean, the first time he said it, were just passing in the hallway so I didn't say anything. Then the next time he said, "Hey, Toby, you want a doughnut?" And I wanted the doughnut. And now it's five years later, the doughnut's gone and I'm still Toby.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Well, hello there.
Tim: Hi.
Phoebe: I didn't see this on the menu.
Monica: This is Tim, my new sous chef.
Phoebe: So you're Monica's boss?
Tim: Actually, she's my boss. "Sous" is French for "under."
Phoebe: Ah. I "sous-stand."

Quote from Joey

Joey: Okay, just let me get changed and we can go to dinner.
Rachel: What happened to Jessica's body?
Joey: I'm not telling. You'll have to see it on TV.
Rachel: You don't know, do you?
Joey: No. Couldn't care less.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I had the best time with Tim last night. Oh, he is so sweet. I can't wait to get "sous-neath" him.

Quote from Joey

Joey: He even asked me if I thought you'd go out with him.
Rachel: Oh. I think I'm gonna throw up a little bit. What did you say?
Joey: I said "No."
Rachel: What?
Joey: What? I just figured since you're pregnant, you're not gonna be seeing people.
Rachel: Okay, Joey. First of all, Kash Ford? Not people. Second of all, what did he say when you told him I was pregnant?
Joey: I didn't tell him. I didn't know if you were telling people. This was back when I thought Kash was still "people."

Quote from Chandler

Mr. Franklin: Hey, Bing. Was that Bob from six you were just talking to?
Chandler: Yeah.
Mr. Franklin: Well then you know each other?
Chandler: We're on a semi-first-name basis.

Quote from Chandler

Mr. Franklin: What do you think about adding him to our team?
Chandler: Bob? Ooh. Working here with us? Every day? Yeah, I don't know if he has what it takes.
Mr. Franklin: Really? They love him down on six.
Chandler: But this is 11. It's almost twice as hard up here.

Quote from Chandler

Mr. Franklin: Okay, Bob will stay put.
Chandler: I think it's best, sir.
Mr. Franklin: But we really do need to find somebody up here. Work is starting to pile up. I've got a stack of documents on my desk this high.
Chandler: You know what you should do? Just toss them in the shredder and claim you never got them.
Mr. Franklin: That's a good one, Bing.
Chandler: What does a guy have to do to be taken seriously around here?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Okay. But the question is, who's gonna go first? Because whoever goes second is the bitch.
Monica: What do you mean?
Phoebe: Come on, the boss that fires a guy that's just been dumped? Bitch! And the woman who dumps a guy that's just been fired? Blond bitch!
Monica: I wanted to do this days ago, so I think I should go first.
Phoebe: All right, that makes sense. But screw you! I'm going first!

Quote from Joey

Ross: Now, where is this "actor" taking them?
Joey: Hey! I'm an "actor" too.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I've always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed, my kid comes running in, leaps up on the bed and we all read the paper. Maybe fight over the science section.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, tell you what, let's you and me go out and have some fun. Whatever you want. Come on.
Ross: We can still catch that Ukrainian film.
Joey: No, I said fun.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Bob, I'm the reason you didn't get the job up here.
Bob: Toby, don't.
Chandler: Bob.
Bob: Toby, I'm not gonna let you cover for him. Anything you say right now will just get me more upset with Chandler.
Chandler: Well, that puts me in a difficult position.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: You want a little cheering up?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Sit down. Guess whose middle name is Muriel?
Rachel: [gasps] Chandler M. Bing.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Rachel: Oh, my God.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: You're not gonna tell him you're pregnant?
Rachel: I don't think so. All the books say wait until the 3rd date to tell a guy you've got something growing in your uterus.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Oh, you know, Kash really liked you the other day. He thought you were charming.
Rachel: Oh. I thought I was a complete idiot.
Joey: Hey, I'm with you.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: So now I'm not allowed to fire him?
Phoebe: You can't fire him and dump him in the same day, he'll kill himself.
Monica: Well then, I'll fire him today and you go out with him for another week.
Phoebe: Are you kidding? Another week with that simp, I'll kill myself.


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