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‘The One with the Jam’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Friends: The One with the Jam

303. The One with the Jam

Aired October 3, 1996

Monica tries to move on from her break-up with Richard by making jams. Meanwhile, Ross and Rachel give Chandler relationship advice, and Phoebe meets her twin sister's stalker.

Quote from Ross

[Immediately after Rachel leaves the apartment:]
Ross: Okay, the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: I thought you were [cutesy] "cuddly sleepers."
Ross: No, not cuddly. Not me. Just her. I'm like you. I need the room. Okay, come here. Okay. You're in bed. I'll use the cushion. Okay. You're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now, you wait for her to drift off and then you hug her, and roll her over to her side of the bed. And then you roll away. Hug for her. Roll for you.

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Quote from Joey

Joey: You're really doing it?
Monica: Oh, yeah. I picked a guy. 37135.
Joey: He sounds nice.
Monica: I'd say so. He's got brown hair and green eyes.
Joey: No kidding. Huh.
Monica: What?
Joey: I figured you'd have picked a blond.
Monica: Really? Why?
Joey: I always pictured you with a tall, smart, blond guy with a name like ... Hoyt.
Monica: Hoyt?
Joey: It's a name. I saw you in this great house with a big pool.
Monica: Is he a swimmer?
Joey: Well, he's got the body for it.
Monica: I like that. [Joey laughs] What?
Joey: You guys have one of those sign that says: "We don't swim in your toilet. Don't pee in our pool."
Monica: We do not have one of those signs.
Joey: Sure you do. It was a gift from me.

Quote from Joey

Monica: All right, how's this? Twenty-seven, ltalian-American guy. He's an actor. Born in Queens. Wow, big family. Seven sisters and he's the only boy. [Everyone looks at Joey] Oh, my God! Under personal comments: "New York Knicks rule."
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule!

Quote from Joey

Joey: I called the sperm bank today. They haven't sold a single unit of Tribbiani. Nobody wants my product. I don't get it. [Joey gets jam all over his face as he licks the jar] Maybe if they met me in person.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Remember when you were a kid, your mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Rachel: You're so pretty.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Hey, look at me. I' m making jam. I've been at it since 4 a.m.
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at 4 a.m.?
Monica: Down at the docks. Bet you didn't know you can get it wholesale.
Rachel: I didn't know there were docks.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: So, did you tell the doctor you did it jumping on your bed?
Joey: No. I had a whole story worked out, but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry, Joe, I just didn't think the doctor would buy that it "fell out of the socket."

Quote from Monica

Monica: I'm going into business. I'm sick of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan. A plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam!

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Wait a minute. Look! It's an empty apartment. We're all alone in an empty apartment.
Rachel: Honey, I have to be at work in 10 minutes. [Ross starts kissing Rachel] All right. It's not like I'm employee of the year or anything.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Okay. For instance, let's say Janice is coming back from a trip. She gives you two options. Option number one, she'll take a cab home from the airport, or option number two, you can meet her at baggage claim. What do you do?
Chandler: That's easy. Baggage claim.
Ross: Uh, wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three. You meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.

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