[Immediately after Rachel leaves the apartment:]
Ross: Okay, the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: I thought you were [cutesy] "cuddly sleepers."
Ross: No, not cuddly. Not me. Just her. I'm like you. I need the room. Okay, come here. Okay. You're in bed. I'll use the cushion. Okay. You're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now, you wait for her to drift off and then you hug her, and roll her over to her side of the bed. And then you roll away. Hug for her. Roll for you.

Monica: All right, how's this? Twenty-seven, ltalian-American guy. He's an actor. Born in Queens. Wow, big family. Seven sisters and he's the only boy. [Everyone looks at Joey] Oh, my God! Under personal comments: "New York Knicks rule."
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule!

Joey: I called the sperm bank today. They haven't sold a single unit of Tribbiani. Nobody wants my product. I don't get it. [Joey gets jam all over his face as he licks the jar] Maybe if they met me in person.

Joey: Remember when you were a kid, your mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Rachel: You're so pretty.

Joey: You're really doing it?
Monica: Oh, yeah. I picked a guy. 37135.
Joey: He sounds nice.
Monica: I'd say so. He's got brown hair and green eyes.
Joey: No kidding. Huh.
Monica: What?
Joey: I figured you'd have picked a blond.
Monica: Really? Why?
Joey: I always pictured you with a tall, smart, blond guy with a name like ... Hoyt.
Monica: Hoyt?
Joey: It's a name. I saw you in this great house with a big pool.
Monica: Is he a swimmer?
Joey: Well, he's got the body for it.
Monica: I like that. [Joey laughs] What?
Joey: You guys have one of those sign that says: "We don't swim in your toilet. Don't pee in our pool."
Monica: We do not have one of those signs.
Joey: Sure you do. It was a gift from me.

Rachel: So, did you tell the doctor you did it jumping on your bed?
Joey: No. I had a whole story worked out, but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry, Joe, I just didn't think the doctor would buy that it "fell out of the socket."

Monica: I'm going into business. I'm sick of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan. A plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam!

Chandler: Do I look fat?
Both: No.
Chandler: Okay. I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean I was calling her a cow.
Rachel: Okay, walk us through it, honey. Walk us through it.
Chandler: Okay. Janice said, "Hi. Do I look fat today?" And I looked at her-
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her? You never look. You just answer. It's like a reflex.
"Do I look fat?" "No."
"Is she prettier than I am?" "No."
"Does size matter?"
Rachel: "No."
Ross: And it works both ways.

Monica: Joey, take your time with that. It's my last batch.
Joey: No more jam?
Rachel: What happened to your jam plan?
Monica: Well, I figured out I'd need to charge $17 a jar just to break even. So I've got a new plan now. Babies.
Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.

Monica: The great thing about the jam plan was I was taking control of my life. So I asked my self, "What is the most important thing to me?" And that's when I came up with the baby plan.
Ross: Aren't you forgetting something? What is- What is that guy's name? Dad.