TV Quotes

Rachel: Hi. I'm sorry. I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
Phone Guy: I'm talking.
Rachel: I can see that. Just one phone call, I'll be very quick. I'll even pay for it myself. Okay, you're being a little weird about your phone.
Phone Guy: All right. Fine. I'll call you back.
Rachel: Thank you. Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Michael: Good.
Rachel: Ross! Hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that everything's fine. And I'm really happy for you and your cat. Who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. You see there, I'm thinking of names so obviously I am over you. I am over you. And that, my friend, is what they call "closure."

Rachel: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me?
Ross: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. Actually, I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, go ahead.
Ross: Rach, I got a message from you. Who's Michael?
Rachel: Oh, my God. Ross, no. Hang up the phone. Give me the phone! Give me the- [Rachel jumps on Ross's back and grabs the phone, throwing it in the sink]
Ross: You're over me?
Rachel: Oh, God.
Ross: You're-
Rachel: Oh, God.
Ross: You're over me?
Rachel: Oh, God.
Ross: When were you under me?

Phoebe: So I figured it out.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me. It's because I'm not sexy enough.
Joey: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."
Phoebe: Really? That's so sweet. I mean, I'm officially offended. But that's so sweet.

Chandler: Okay, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something repellent about me?
Ross: So, how was the party?
Chandler: Well, it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me.

Monica: Chandler, I'm unemployed, in dire need of a project. Wanna work out? I can remake you.
Chandler: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying-around time.
Monica: Please?
Joey: Come on, let her do it!
Chandler: All right. Okay. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home.
Phoebe: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here!
[Chandler hugs Phoebe] Oh, oh, can't make hands meet.

Monica: Come on, give me five more!
Chandler: No.
Monica: Five more.
Chandler: No.
Monica: Five more and I'll flash you.
Chandler: [does sit-ups] Two and a half. Okay, just show me one of them.

Chandler: She's insane. The woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt-clenches at my desk. And now they won't bring me my mail anymore.

Rachel: I mean, it's a cat, you know? It's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs? You know, one of those fruit flies. Those things that live for, like, a day. What are they called? What are they called?
Michael: Fruit flies?
Rachel: Yes! Thank you.

Michael: Look, I've been through a divorce. Trust me, you're gonna be fine. You can't see it because you haven't had closure-
Rachel: Closure. That's what it is. That's what I need. God, you're brilliant. Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?
Michael: Well, there's no one way really, it's just. Whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him: "I'm over you."
Rachel: Over you. That's what it is. Closure.

Phoebe: How come you're watching a rabbi play electric guitar?
Joey: I can't find the remote.