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‘The One Where Ross Finds Out’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Friends: The One Where Ross Finds Out

207. The One Where Ross Finds Out

Aired November 9, 1995

When Rachel goes on a date to get over her feelings for Ross, she spends the whole time talking about him and makes a drunken phone call to him. Meanwhile, Monica becomes Chandler's personal trainer, and Phoebe struggles to get her boyfriend to sleep with her.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Hi. I'm sorry. I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
Phone Guy: I'm talking.
Rachel: I can see that. Just one phone call, I'll be very quick. I'll even pay for it myself. Okay, you're being a little weird about your phone.
Phone Guy: All right. Fine. I'll call you back.
Rachel: Thank you. Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Michael: Good.
Rachel: Ross! Hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that everything's fine. And I'm really happy for you and your cat. Who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. You see there, I'm thinking of names so obviously I am over you. I am over you. And that, my friend, is what they call "closure."

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Quote from Ross

Rachel: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me?
Ross: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. Actually, I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, go ahead.
Ross: Rach, I got a message from you. Who's Michael?
Rachel: Oh, my God. Ross, no. Hang up the phone. Give me the phone! Give me the- [Rachel jumps on Ross's back and grabs the phone, throwing it in the sink]
Ross: You're over me?
Rachel: Oh, God.
Ross: You're-
Rachel: Oh, God.
Ross: You're over me?
Rachel: Oh, God.
Ross: When were you under me?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something repellent about me?
Ross: So, how was the party?
Chandler: Well, it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Chandler, I'm unemployed, in dire need of a project. Wanna work out? I can remake you.
Chandler: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying-around time.
Monica: Please?
Joey: Come on, let her do it!
Chandler: All right. Okay. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home.
Phoebe: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here!
[Chandler hugs Phoebe] Oh, oh, can't make hands meet.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Come on, give me five more!
Chandler: No.
Monica: Five more.
Chandler: No.
Monica: Five more and I'll flash you.
Chandler: [does sit-ups] Two and a half. Okay, just show me one of them.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: She's insane. The woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt-clenches at my desk. And now they won't bring me my mail anymore.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: So I figured it out.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me. It's because I'm not sexy enough.
Joey: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."
Phoebe: Really? That's so sweet. I mean, I'm officially offended. But that's so sweet.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I mean, it's a cat, you know? It's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs? You know, one of those fruit flies. Those things that live for, like, a day. What are they called? What are they called?
Michael: Fruit flies?
Rachel: Yes! Thank you.

Quote from Rachel

Michael: Look, I've been through a divorce. Trust me, you're gonna be fine. You can't see it because you haven't had closure-
Rachel: Closure. That's what it is. That's what I need. God, you're brilliant. Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?
Michael: Well, there's no one way really, it's just. Whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him: "I'm over you."
Rachel: Over you. That's what it is. Closure.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Okay, so what is it? Am I hideously unattractive?
Phoebe: No, you are not. You are very attractive. You know what, I go through the same thing.
Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everything.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa. I've put on a little weight?
Joey: Did you want to? [Ross and Joey get up from the couch]
Phoebe: No, not weight. More like insulation.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, let's do it! What?
Monica: Nothing. Just never seen you in little stretchy pants before.
Chandler: And we're changing.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Look, I don't mind taking it slow. I like him a lot. You know, he's really interesting, and he's really sweet. Why won't he give it up?
Joey: Well, maybe he drives his car on the other side of the road. If you know what I mean.
Phoebe: No. What do you mean? He's not British.
Joey: Maybe he's gay.
Phoebe: Oh. No, I don't think that's the problem. We went dancing the other night and just the way he held me so close and the way he was looking into my eyes. I just definitely felt something.
Rachel: Yeah, but how much can you tell from a look?
Phoebe: No, no. I felt it on my hip. I could tell.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Come on, you guys, I don't care. I have a date tonight.
Joey: Whoa, you have a date?
Rachel: Yeah, Monica set me up.
Joey: What about Ross and-
Rachel: What? My whole insane jealousy thing? Well, you know, as much fun as that was I've decided to opt for sanity.

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: So you're really okay about all this?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, come on. I'm moving on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: You're getting a cat?
Ross: Actually, we're getting a cat.
Rachel: Together?
Ross: Uh-huh.
Rachel: Both of you? Together?
Julie: We figure it'll live with Ross half the time and with me half the time.
Rachel: Aw. Well, isn't that just lovely? That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really long time.
Ross: Hopefully.
Rachel: Wow. Well, look at that. I gotta go. I got a date. With a man. Well, you guys have a really good night and you two have a really good cat. [Rachel leaves Central Perk with one of the trays, then returns] We're not supposed to take these when we leave.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: How long do cats live?
Michael: I'm sorry?
Rachel: Cats. How long do they live? Figuring you don't throw them under a bus or something?
Michael: Maybe 15, 16 years.
Rachel: Well, that's just great. [starts drinking as soon as the waiter hands her the glass]
Michael: Cheers!
Rachel: Right. Clink.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: No, Michael, it's not you. Sorry. It's just. It's this thing. It's not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
Michael: Oh, that does sound- Huh.
Rachel: I mean, he just started going out with her.
Michael: Is this guy an old boyfriend?
Rachel: Yeah, he wishes. Oh, I'm sorry. Look at me. Michael, let's talk about you.
Michael: All right.
Rachel: So ... did you ever get a pet with a girlfriend?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, no. You're not having fun, are you?
Michael: No, no, I am. But only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
Rachel: Oh, look at me. Look at me. I'm on a date with a really great guy. All I can think about is Ross and his cat and his Julie.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Hey, Rach.
Rachel: Umm.
Ross: Oh, and how was the date?
Rachel: I think there was a restaurant. I know there was wine.

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