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‘The One with the Engagement Picture’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Engagement Picture

705. The One with the Engagement Picture

Aired November 2, 2000

Chandler seems incapable of taking a good picture. Meanwhile, Rachel asks Joey to befriend her assistant Tag, and Ross and Phoebe date two members of a couple who are getting divorced.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Phoebe, if this guy's going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?
Ross: Hey, divorced men are not bad men.
Chandler: They have that on the napkins at the club.

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Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, you guys, "Hums While He Pees" just asked me out.
Rachel: I thought that guy was married.
Phoebe: He is, but he's getting divorced. Ross, maybe you know him.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: That's great. So Joey must have really taught you some stuff.
Tag: A little. [to a woman] How you doin'?

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: Yeah, well, maybe she should have spent a little less time decorating and a little more time in the bedroom.
Ross: Well, I don't think we are going to have that problem, but maybe that is because I am not emotionally unavailable.
Phoebe: You think he's emotionally unavailable?
Ross: I think he can be.
Phoebe: Well, maybe he wouldn't be if she didn't bring the office home every night.
Ross: Well, excuse her for knowing what she wants to do with her life.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, she certainly knew what she was doing New Year's Eve 1997.
Ross: I knew you were going to throw that in my face! That was three years ago. She apologized and apologized. What more do you want?!
Phoebe: We want the last 6 years back!
Ross: So do we! So do we!

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Hey.
Monica: What's the matter?
Chandler: Someone on the subway licked my neck. Licked my neck!
Phoebe: Oh, Willy's still alive.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: What are you doing?
Monica: Oh, my mom called. They're going to run our engagement announcement in the local paper. So we're looking for a good picture of us.
Chandler: Ooh, I'm afraid that does not exist.
Monica: That's not true. There are great pictures of us.
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you next to a guy who's going like this.
Phoebe: Oh, my God, that's the creep that you're with at the Statue of Liberty.
Chandler: I don't know what it is. I just can't take a good picture.
Monica: Oh, here's a great one.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm not in that.
Monica: I know, but look at me all tan.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Hey, look. Phoebe's talking to Cute Coffeehouse Guy.
Ross: Oh, you call him "Cute Coffeehouse Guy"? We call him "Hums While He Pees."
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross "Lingers in the Bathroom."

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? I mean, you know you can't date him, right?
Rachel: Oh, no. I know that. Although we make a joke that we spend so much time together, he should call me his "work-wife."
Ross: Soon he'll be able to call you "that lady he knew that got fired."

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I won't get fired, because I'm not gonna act on it.
Phoebe: So you wouldn't mind if he was dating someone?
Rachel: Why, is he? He is, isn't he? He's dating that slut in marketing.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Maybe I should open a divorced men's club.
Chandler: Dude, that's so sad.
Ross: I could put a basketball court in the back.
Chandler: Could I play?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, no sit-ups today, Tag?
Tag: I just did them.
Rachel: Well, drop and give me 10 more.
Tag: What?
Rachel: I had a drink with lunch.

Quote from Rachel

Melissa: Hey, isn't that Tag's backpack?
Rachel: Yeah, Melissa, I don't want to be known as the office bitch, but I will call your supervisor.

Quote from Chandler

Photographer: Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Chandler: Okay.
Photographer: I'm sorry, is the seat uncomfortable?
Chandler: No, I am.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Chandler, what is the matter with your face? I mean, this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married", not "Local woman saves drowning moron."

Quote from Monica

Monica: Hey, don't laugh at him. He's my drowning moron.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I like this one. It seems to say, "I love you and that's why I have to kill you."

Quote from Monica

Monica: They can't all be bad. Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Oh, there it is.
Chandler: Oh, my God, those are my bedroom eyes? Why did you ever sleep with me?
Monica: Do you really want to pull at that thread?

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: Look, Kyle just told me some really bad stuff about her.
Ross: Like what?
Phoebe: Like she's really mean, and she's overly critical and- She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you.
Ross: Okay.
Phoebe: And she uses sex as a weapon.
Ross: Fine. Thank you for warning me. At breakfast, I'll be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Okay, first of all, you want to make it look spontaneous. All right, so here's what I do.
I look down, look down, keep looking down. Then I look up. See? All right, now you try. Look down. You're looking down. Keep looking down.
Chandler: Why is there jelly on your shoe?
Joey: I had a donut.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: So, I heard you had some fun with Tag last night.
Joey: Yeah, that guy's all right.
Rachel: Yeah, and you had fun teaching him how to be all "Joey."
Joey: What?
Rachel: You know, all the women.
Joey: Hey, you can't teach someone to be good with women. That's why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Chandler: I'm right here.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Would you mind just not going out with him again? Just the idea of you and he and all these women- I know he's my assistant, and we can't date. But it bothers me, all right?
Joey: No, no, no, you can't take him away from me. I got a great partner to pick up girls with. Finally!
Chandler: I'm still right here.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I get these crushes all the time. Hell, I had a crush on you when I first met you.
Joey: I know. Monica told me.
Chandler: Did you have a crush on me when we first met?
Rachel: Yeah, sure. [Joey shakes his head, Rachel shakes hers back]
Chandler: Can you people not see me?

Quote from Rachel

Tag: All right, then, it's settled.
Rachel: Okay.
Tag: I'm getting back together with my ex-girlfriend.
Rachel: I would love to!
Tag: What?
Rachel: [picks up phone] Hello? Oh. This is gonna be a while. Excuse me. Um, yeah. Yeah.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: That's all right. We don't need you. Hey, I'm over it already.
Phoebe: Yeah, and I don't even give a tiny rat's ass.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Pheebs, you were right about her. You know, she did try to use sex as a weapon. Yeah, I hurt my back a little.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: You know, even if they break up again, you better not let him in your sad men's club.
Ross: Divorced men's club.
Phoebe: Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Oh, yeah, that looks good.
Phoebe: You guys make a very attractive couple.
Joey: Yeah, we look great together.
Monica: We really do.
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Imagine what our kids would look like.
Joey: You know, we don't have to imagine.
Chandler: I'm marrying her.
Joey: We'll just see.


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