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‘The One with the Cop’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Cop

516. The One with the Cop

Aired February 25, 1999

After Phoebe finds a police badge at Central Perk, she enjoys fighting crime until the owner of the badge comes looking for her. Meanwhile, Ross struggles to get a new couch to his apartment after refusing to pay for delivery, and Joey is worried after he has a romantic dream about Monica.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Here we go. All right. Ready? Turn! Turn! Turn!
Chandler: I don't think we can turn any more!
Rachel: Ross, I just don't think it's going to fit.
Ross: Yeah, it will. Come on. Up, up, up! Up! Yes. Here we go. Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot!
Chandler: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

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Quote from Ross

Ross: I'd like to return this couch. I'm not satisfied with it.
Saleswoman: You wanna return this couch? It's cut in half.
Ross: That's what I'm telling you.
Saleswoman: Did you cut this couch in half?
Ross: This couch is cut in half. I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half.
Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?
Ross: Look, I'm a reasonable man. I will accept store credit.
Saleswoman: I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.
Ross: I will take it.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I still don't know. I'm sorry, I just want to make sure I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says "Kids welcome here," but that also says "Come here to me."
Rachel: What? You say that to kids?
Ross: No, no, no. The "Come here to me" is, you know, for the ladies.
Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch, it's not a magic couch.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Hey, Ross. I brought reinforcements.
Ross: Oh, great. You brought Joey?
Rachel: Well, I brought the next best thing.
Ross: Chandler? You brought Chandler? The next best thing would be Monica!
Chandler: You know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Wait, look it. Whoa. Oh, my God. This is a police badge.
Chandler: Oh, that's so cool. But why would a cop come in here? They don't serve doughnuts. You know what, actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Yeah, I should take it back. But, you know what, while I'm at the police station I can check their 10 Most Wanted List. Because my friend Fritzie's been number 11 forever, so this could be her year.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Is that my sweatshirt?
Monica: Yes, it is. I'm sorry. I was cold. I hope it's okay.
Joey: It's just that if you're wearing someone else's sweatshirt, shouldn't it be your boyfriend's? And I'm not him.
Monica: I'm sorry. I'll give it back.
Joey: But then it's gonna be all smelling like Monica.
Monica: Are you saying I smell bad?
Joey: No, you smell like a meadow. I'm sorry.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: What's with him?
Chandler: Oh, you know, the last time Joey went to a meadow his mother was shot by a hunter.

Quote from Ross

Ross: The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch.
Rachel: Wait, no, that's ridiculous. He lives three blocks away.
Ross: Yeah, you know what? I'll take it myself. Thank you.

Quote from Ross

Salesman: You two are really going to enjoy that couch.
Ross: Oh, yeah. We're, uh, not together.
Salesman: Oh, okay. Something didn't quite add up there.
Ross: What's that supposed to mean?
Rachel: Ross.
Salesman: Well, you. Her. I mean, she's very ... you know. And you're, like ... you know?
Ross: Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out.
Salesman: Really? You two?
Ross: Yeah, Rach?
Rachel: Come on, I really don't want to be doing this right now. I'm carrying a heavy couch.
Ross: Then tell him quickly.
Rachel: Fine. We went out.
Ross: Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!
Rachel: Ross! Oh, my God. Uh, you kept count? You are such a loser!
Ross: A loser you did it with 298 times!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Excuse me, ma'am. You can't put your cigarette out on a tree.
Woman: Yeah, I can. It worked real well.
Phoebe: But you shouldn't. So don't ever do that again.
Woman: I won't. Till I have my next cigarette.
Phoebe: Hold it! N.Y.P.D. Freeze, punk!
Woman: What?
Phoebe: That's right. You are so busted. Book 'em.
Woman: Who are you talking to?
Phoebe: Save it, red. Unless you want to spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.
Woman: I am not going to apologize to a tree.
Phoebe: You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup. Backup! Backup!
Woman: Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry.
Phoebe: Okay, cancel backup. Cancel backup.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Okay, go left. Left. Left.
Rachel: Okay, you know what? There's no more left left.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: There is something. I kind of had a dream. But I don't want to talk about it.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What if Martin Luther King had said that? I kind of have a dream. I don't want to talk about it.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Well, Monica and I were friends before we dated. Maybe that's it.
Joey: Friends first? That's interesting.
Monica: You become friends after?
Joey: No, never done that either.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Excuse me. Is this your car?
Gary: Yeah.
Phoebe: Well, I don't think it's very nice of you to park here. You're blocking the entrance.
Gary: Don't worry about it. It's not a problem.
Phoebe: Well, it's a problem for me, which mean it's a problem for you, because I'm a cop.
Gary: So am l.
Phoebe: Oh, no. Oh, okay. So you're a cop, which means you can park anywhere. I know that, because I'm a cop too. So all right, keep up the good work. 10-4.

Quote from Phoebe

Gary: Hey, wait a minute. So, what precinct are you with?
Phoebe: I'm with the 57th.
Gary: Oh, I know a guy in Homicide up there.
Phoebe: I'm in Vice. In fact, I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore.

Quote from Phoebe

Gary: Who else is in Vice up there?
Phoebe: Do you know Sipowicz?
Gary: Sipowicz? No, I don't think so.
Phoebe: Yeah. Sipowicz. Yeah. Big guy, kind of bald.
Gary: I don't know him.
Phoebe: Don't try to call him. Because he's not there. He's out. His partner just died.
Gary: Wow, well tell Sipowicz I'm real sorry for his loss.
Phoebe: I sure will. Take care.
Gary: Hey, by the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is going to be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good. Where'd you find my badge?
Phoebe: Oh. [drops the badge and runs away]

Quote from Chandler

Ross: I drew a sketch of how we'll do it. Rach, that's you. That's the couch.
Rachel: Oh, what's that?
Ross: That's me.
Rachel: Wow. You certainly think a lot of yourself.
Ross: No. That's- That's my arm.
Chandler: Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.

Quote from Ross

Ross: All right, I don't think it's going to pivot any more.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Oh, you know what, what did you mean when you said "pivot"?


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