Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The One with Ross and Monica's Cousin’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Ross and Monica's Cousin

719. The One with Ross and Monica's Cousin

Aired April 19, 2001

Ross develops questionable feelings for his cousin, Cassie, when she comes to stay with him. Meanwhile, Rachel and Phoebe throw Monica an impromptu bridal shower, and Joey auditions for a role which requires him to show a lot of skin.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: You got it?
Joey: Well, not yet, but the audition went really good.
Monica: What was it for?
Joey: It's this big-budget period movie about three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. It's really classy. And the director, he's supposed to be the next-next Martin Scorsese.
Phoebe: The "next-next"?
Joey: Yeah, there's this guy from Chicago that's supposed to be the next Martin Scorsese. But then this guy's right after him.

Rate

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hello?
Estelle: Joey, it's Estelle. I just talked to the casting people. They loved you.
Joey: They loved me.
Estelle: Yeah, they want to see you again tomorrow.
Joey: My God.
Estelle: There's just one thing. Do you have a problem with full-frontal nudity?
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it. Oh.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: What's the matter?
Joey: They want me to be totally naked in the movie.
Monica: Wow.
Joey: I know. My grandmother's gonna see this.
Phoebe: Grandma's gonna have to get in line.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: When can we have this shower?
Rachel: She has so much going on, we have only two options. We have Friday.
Phoebe: Well, that's just two days away. What is the other option?
Rachel: Yesterday.
Phoebe: Well, if we make it yesterday, whoo-hoo, we're done!

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: There's too much to do. It's too much. We can't do it. We cannot do it!
Phoebe: Calm down!
Rachel: Okay. I'm sorry, you're right. I'm sorry.
Phoebe: Just calm down, woman!
Rachel: Phoebe, I already did.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. All right, then I need to calm down.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: I think we can do this if we just get organized. We have two days to plan this party. We need to make fast decisions. Okay, where are we going to have it?
Phoebe: Here. What time?
Rachel: 4:00. Food?
Phoebe: Finger sandwiches and tea.
Rachel: Ooh, great! Very Monica.
Phoebe: And chili.
Rachel: Ah, you went one too far. Flowers or balloons?
Phoebe: Both.
Rachel: We're paying for this, you know.
Phoebe: Neither.
Rachel: What should we do for the theme?
Phoebe: Lusts of the Flesh.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: I don't know. Cowboy theme?

Quote from Chandler

Ross: By the way, what does Cassie look like now?
Monica: She looks exactly like Aunt Marilyn.
Chandler: So this Aunt Marilyn, is she coming to the wedding?
Monica: Wafer-thin ice.

Quote from Joey

Casting Director: And your agent said you're okay with the nudity.
Joey: Yeah, sure. Just as long as it's handled tastefully. And that barn is not too cold.

Quote from Joey

Casting Director: So, the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. You know what I'm saying?
Joey: Yes! No. What?
Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be...
Joey: Bar mitzvah-ed?

Quote from Joey

Monica: So to get this part, you can't be-
Joey: No.
Monica: But you are?
Joey: Yes.
Monica: But you told them you weren't?
Joey: That's right.
Monica: Wow. Wow. And it's definitely all gone? There's nothing there to work with? What were you thinking?
Joey: I don't know. I just really want this part. And they tell you no matter what you get asked during an audition, you say yes. Like if they want you to ride a horse, you tell them you can and you just figure out how to do it later.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Joey, this is not like learning to ride a horse. This is like learning to grow a turtleneck.

Quote from Monica

Joey: I'm going to have to call my agent and tell her I can't do the part.
Monica: Unless...
Joey: Unless what?
Monica: This may sound crazy, but there may be something we could fashion.
Joey: Like what?
Monica: Well, I'm not sure yet. But off the top of my head, I'm thinking double-sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.

Quote from Monica

Monica: I'm making something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
Rachel: Have at it.
Monica: All right. Turkey? That won't work. Cheese? That won't work. Olive loaf? I hope that won't work.
Rachel: Are you making him a sandwich?
Monica: No, it's more like a wrap.

Quote from Ross

Cassie: Thanks for letting me stay here. Monica's place was nice. But her fiance sure stares a lot. [Ross stares at Cassie as she flips her hair] Oh, my God! You do a great Chandler!
Ross: Uh-huh. Yeah, I have a knack for impressions.
Cassie: Well, maybe after we get re-acquainted you could do me.
Ross: Yeah. No!

Quote from Ross

Cassie: I'll always remember that summer because it's when I got all these freckles.
Ross: Uh-huh. And I'll always remember that summer because that's when I realized that we are related.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out, huh?
Ross: I'm a little slow. Just as our children would be.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: You didn't tell her to come?
Phoebe: You were supposed to tell her.
Rachel: No, I wasn't. You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake.
Phoebe: Fine, I'll go call her.
Rachel: And please tell her to bring a cake.

Quote from Ross

Ross: [inner monologue] She's your cousin. She's your cousin. If she knew what was going on in your head, she'd think you were sick. Or would she? Let's back up for a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights.
She was the one that wanted to rent Logan's Run the sexiest movie ever. Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. I'm going in.
Cassie: What the hell are you doing?
Ross: [inner monologue] Say something clever. Okay, doesn't have to be clever. Just has to be words. Say some words. Any words will do. Oh, my God, this is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! There is nothing you could say to make this worse so just say something!
Ross: I haven't had sex in a very long time. [inner monologue] Yeah, you really shouldn't have said anything.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, Monica. We are so sorry.
Monica: For what?
Rachel: Well, first, for forgetting to throw you a bridal shower.
Phoebe: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
Monica: You already had it?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, we called everyone in your phone book and a bunch of people came. But it took us so long to get you here that they had to leave.
Rachel: Yeah. We wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower. Now you don't have either.
Phoebe: We ruined everything.
Monica: Oh, no. Wait a minute, that's not true. What you did was really sweet. And it kind of works out for the best.
Rachel: What do you mean?
Monica: Well, now I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love. I mean, I get all those presents without having to talk to a bunch of people I don't even like.
Phoebe: Surprise.
Rachel: Surprise, Monica.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Cassie, are you finding everything okay?
Cassie: Yeah. Thank you so much for letting me stay here.
Phoebe: Oh, it's no problem.
Cassie:What?
Phoebe: [inner monologue] Say something. Say anything. Ask her out. She's not your cousin.


 Episode 718 Episode 720 
  Select another episode