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‘The One with the Stain’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Stain

807. The One with the Stain

Aired November 8, 2001

When Rachel decides to move out of Joey's apartment, Ross tries to secure her the apartment of an ailing Dutch lady in his building. Meanwhile, Chandler hires a cleaner for the apartment, and things get uncomfortable when Phoebe tries to date her sister's ex-fiance.

Quote from Gunther

Ross: Thanks for the coffee, or, uh, ahem, Bedankt voor de koffie, Gunther.
Gunther: Jij spreekt Nederlands? Dat is te gek. Heb je familie daar?
Ross: Yeah, we're done.
Gunther: Ezel.

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Quote from Gunther

Ross: Ezel. Hey, Gunther, you're an ezel. Huh.
Gunther: Jij hebt seks met ezels.
Ross: Damn it.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Hi. How is she?
Mrs. Verhoeven: It's not looking good.
Ross: Oh! Oh, oh. Well, I brought her some "bloemen."
Mrs. Verhoeven: That's so sweet. Would you like to come in and say goodbye? I'm sure it would mean a lot to her.
Ross: Oh, I don't know that it would.
Mrs. Verhoeven: Well, her memory is pretty much gone.
Ross: All right, then.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I'm apartment hunting.
Ross: You're moving?
Rachel: Yeah, well, I can't live with Joey once the baby comes. I don't want my child's first words to be, "How you doin'?"

Quote from Ross

Ross: I heard about Mrs. Verhoeven passing away, and I am so sorry for your loss.
Mrs. Verhoeven: She didn't pass away.
Ross: What?
Mrs. Verhoeven: My mother's still alive.
Ross: Oh, thank God. It looked like we were gonna lose her this morning, but she's a tough old bird. Are you close with her?
Ross: Of course. Yeah, she and I would talk all the time in the laundry room.
Mrs. Verhoeven: You speak Dutch? [speaking in Dutch]
Ross: You know, I would, but it's just too painful.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Well, the old lady died. And how do I know? Because her dying wish was for one last kiss. But I don't care because you got the apartment. Yes!
Rachel: Oh, yeah. I think I'm gonna stay here.
Joey: Isn't that great?
Ross: [stammering] Ezels!

Quote from Monica

Chandler: I got a maid. Yay.
Monica: Well, I hope by "maid" you mean "mistress," because if some other woman was here cleaning then-
Chandler: Honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control.
Monica: Oh, "Relinquish" is just a fancy word for "lose."

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Look, she is really nice, and she mentioned that she adored the way that you arranged the sponges.
Monica: Did she really say that?
Chandler: Yes, I distinctly remember because I thought it was a joke. Now, just give her a chance, okay?
Monica: Fine, I can do it.
Chandler: What's the matter?
Monica: Well, usually when I'm this anxious, I clean.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, my God, I'm going out with Eric. Oh, this day is gonna be so much better than I thought it was gonna be. Oh, Ross, I can't make lunch.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Hey, if you're looking for a place, I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died.
Rachel: Oh, my God. Was she old? Does she have a view?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: So she's really not dead.
Mrs. Verhoeven: No. She's hanging in there.
Rachel: Do you think- Could you tell me, is she hanging in in a one-bedroom or a two?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: She stole my jeans!
Chandler: What?
Monica: I have been looking for them all week and she is wearing them.
Chandler: So she stole your pants, and then she came back and wore them in front of you?
Monica: Don't you see? It's the perfect crime.
Chandler: She must have been planning this for years!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, no, I have to go. I have a massage appointment.
Eric: No, stay here. We'll keep doing this. I'll pay you.
Phoebe: No, I've gotten in trouble for that before.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: She is not stealing from us. Will you let this go?
Monica: Fine. She's wearing my bra!
Chandler: Oh, dear God!
Monica: My pink flowered bra. I recognize the strap.
Chandler: And yet you don't recognize that you're crazy?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Come on, we're a team. We're in this together.
Chandler: I fear a jury will see it the same way.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: If it's not her bra, will you let the woman clean the apartment?
Monica: Yes. Absolutely, okay. Look, you'll know it's mine because on the right cup, the lacey part, there's a very noticeable rip.
Chandler: You need new clothes.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Brenda, a bee!
Brenda: What?
Chandler: Yes, it's flown into your blouse and you better undo your buttons lest it sting you.
Brenda: I think I know what's going on here.
Chandler: You do?
Brenda: Look, I know it must be hard that your wife is a lesbian ... but it's wrong. You're married.
Chandler: I totally understand.
Brenda: Okay, good.
Chandler: Could I just see your bra?

Quote from Monica

Monica: Where did you get those jeans?
Rachel: You gave them to me.
Monica: No, I didn't.
Rachel: All right, I took them. But I figured it'd be okay because you got a big ink stain on the crotch.
Monica: Oh, no. Did you take my bra too?
Rachel: What bra?
Monica: The pink one with the flowers.
Rachel: You mean the one you're wearing?
Brenda: I quit!
Monica: Sounds about right.

Quote from Joey

Joey: This is just to give you an idea. We can put screens so that the baby has privacy, and maybe a mobile over the crib and, oh look, here's a baby monitor which, until the baby comes, we can use as walkie-talkies.
Rachel: You're so sweet. Oh, my God. And you gave the baby Hugsy!
Joey: Uh... That's really just to show where the baby would go. You know, why don't I hold onto him so there's no confusion?

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Joey, the baby is gonna be crying. It's gonna be loud.
Joey: I'm loud.
Rachel: It's going to be up all night.
Joey: I'm up all night.
Rachel: It's going to poop.
Joey: Hello!


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