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‘The One in Massapequa’ Quotes

Friends: The One in Massapequa

818. The One in Massapequa

Aired March 28, 2002

When the group spend the evening in Massapequa celebrating Monica and Ross's parents' thirty-fifth wedding anniversary, Phoebe takes an extremely upbeat guy, Parker, she met at the dry cleaners, Monica tries to give a toast that will have the audience in tears, and Ross and Rachel pretend to be married.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Okay, it's time for the toast. I know that normally Ross gives the toast, but this year I'm going to do it. [crowd groans] No, it's gonna be great. Really. Okay. Mom, Dad, when I got married one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you two set. For that, and so many other things, I want to say thank you. I know I probably don't say it enough but I love you. When I look around this room, I'm saddened by the thought of those who could not be with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother, who would so want to be here. But she can't because she's dead. As is our dog, Chi-Chi. I mean, look how cute she is- Was. Do me a favor, pass this to my parents. Remember, um, she's dead, okay? Her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey, does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in "Terms of Endearment"? Didn't see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day, I was watching "60 Minutes" and there was this piece on orphans in Romania who have been so neglected that they were incapable of love. You people are made of stone! Here's to Mom and Dad. Whatever!

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Quote from Jack Geller

Judy Geller: It's just a little thing. While we think it's simply marvelous that you're having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why we told them you're married.
Ross: What?
Judy Geller: Thanks for going along with this.
Ross: Dad? We have to pretend that we're married?
Jack Geller: Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight. You can do this.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Do I make fun of the people you've dated? Tag, Janice, Mona. No, because friends don't do that. But do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Because in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like a who's who of human crap!

Quote from Jack Geller

Judy Geller: Ross? Why don't you give us your toast now?
Ross: Oh, no, Mom. It's just Monica this year.
Judy Geller: You're not going to say anything? On our 35th wedding anniversary?
Ross: No, of course. Everybody? I just wanted to say on behalf of my new bride, Rachel, and myself, that if if in 35 years, we're half as happy as you guys are we'll count ourselves the luckiest people in the world.
Judy Geller: [sobbing] Oh, Ross.
Jack Geller: I just wish Nana was alive to hear Ross's toast.

Quote from Ross

Monica: Okay, that's it. I give up. At Mom and Dad's 40th anniversary, you're the one giving the speech.
Ross: You know, I don't understand why they didn't cry. It was a beautiful speech.
Monica: Oh, come on.
Ross: Hey. All that stuff you said about true love? You were right. I mean, we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad. And that picture of Chi-Chi with her mischievous grin. And what you said about Nana? Oh, yeah, she really would've wanted to be there. And you know what? I think she was.
Monica: [sobbing] Oh, good God, Ross, how the hell do you do it?

Quote from Joey

Joey: I'm having the worst time. There was a fifteen minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates I slipped on a giant booger.
Phoebe: Are you sure it wasn't an oyster?
Joey: I guess it could've been. I didn't really look at it, you know. I just wiped it on Chandler's coat and got the hell out of there.

Quote from Ross

Monica: Oh, by the way, would it be okay if I give the toast to Mom and Dad this year?
Ross: Yeah. Are you sure you want to after what happened at their 20th?
Monica: Yeah, I'd really like to.
Ross: Okay. Hopefully this time Mom won't boo you.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Every year Ross makes the toast, and it's always really moving and always makes them cry. Well, this year, I'm gonna make them cry.
Chandler: And you wonder why Ross is their favorite?

Quote from Joey

Monica: No, really. Any time Ross makes a toast, everyone cries and hugs him and pats him on the back. And they all come up to me and say, "God, your brother." You know what they're gonna say this year? "God, you."
Joey: Well, I can promise you at least one person will be crying. I'm an actor, and any actor worth his salt can cry on cue.
Monica: Really? You can do that?
Joey: Oh, you kidding me? Watch. Well, I can't do it with you guys watching me!

Quote from Ross

Ross: Chi-Chi! Oh, I loved this dog. You know, Monica couldn't get braces because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery.
Monica: What?
Ross: You were the 200-pound eleven-year-old who rode her.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey. Everybody, this is Parker. Parker, this is-
Parker: No wait, don't tell me. Let me guess: Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and ... I'm sorry, Phoebe didn't mention you. Chandler, I'm kidding! Already you're my favorite.

Quote from Ross

Parker: Why don't you each of you tell me a little about yourselves.
Ross: Uh, actually, we probably should get going.
Parker: [laughs] Classic Ross!
Parker: Rachel, look how you glow! May I?
Rachel: I think you already are.
Parker: Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this world more miraculous than- Ooh, a picture of a dog. Whose is this?
Monica: That's my old dog. He passed away years ago.
Parker:Well, at least you were lucky to have him. Bow-wow, old friend. Bow-wow. So where's the party?
Monica: It's out on the island, in Massapequa.
Parker: Massapequa, it sounds like a magical place. Tell me about Massapequa, is it steeped in Native American history?
Ross: Well, there is an Arby's in the shape of a tepee.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: So he seems like a nice guy.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I like him a lot.
Ross: You want to hang back and take our own cab?
Rachel: Yeah. Okay, otherwise I'm not going.

Quote from Jack Geller

Rachel: Thirty-five years. That is very impressive. Do you have any pearls of wisdom?
Judy Geller: Jack?
Jack Geller: Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick?
Ross: It's a good question, Dad. It's a good question.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Can you believe that?
Rachel: Yeah. I know. If you're going to do the ears, you may as well take a pass at the nose area.

Quote from Chandler

Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night. I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C, I feel so lucky. Think of all the good times that happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs, both bar and bat! But none of it will compare with tonight. God, I don't want to forget this moment. It's like I want to take a mental picture of you all. Click.
Chandler: I don't think the flash went off.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Somewhere there is a guy with a tranquilizer gun and a huge butterfly net looking for that man.

Quote from Monica

Ross: I'm so glad we weren't in the car. Did he ever let up?
Monica: He called the Long Island Expressway a "concrete miracle."

Quote from Ross

Ross: This room. This night. That waiter. His shoes. I must take a mental picture. Ooh, sorry.
Phoebe: Were you guys making fun of Parker?
Ross: That depends. How much did you hear?

Quote from Ross

Monica: I feel terrible.
Joey: I know.
Ross: What was wrong with Mona?

Quote from Rachel

Male Guest: So we never got to hear about your wedding.
Female Guest: We were surprised we weren't invited.
Ross: Oh, no, no, no. It was just our parents and one or two friends. It was a small wedding.
Rachel: But it was beautiful. I mean, it was small, but kind of spectacular.
Male Guest: Where did you have it?
Rachel: On a cliff in Barbados, at sunset. And Stevie Wonder sang "Isn't She Lovely" as I walked down the aisle.
Female Guest: Really?
Rachel: Yeah. Stevie's an old family friend.
Female Guest: Oh, my God. That sounds amazing. I'd love to see pictures.
Rachel: Yeah, so would I. You wouldn't think that Annie Liebowitz would forget to put film in the camera.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: What are you doing?
Rachel: What? I'm not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. And I want it to be amazing.
Ross: Okay. Okay. Ooh, maybe I rode in on a Harley.
Rachel: Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: And my veil was lace, made by blind Belgian nuns.
Female Guest: Blind?
Rachel: Well, not at first, but it was very intricate work. And they said even though they lost their sight, it was all worth it.
Aunt Lisa: Oh, I bet you looked beautiful.
Rachel: Well, I don't know about that. But there were some people that said I looked like a floating angel.

Quote from Rachel

Female Guest: How did you propose?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, that's a great story.
Ross: Well, actually, I took her to the planetarium. That's where we had our first date. Uh, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower.
Aunt Lisa: That is so sweet!
Rachel: Shh, I want to hear the rest! Then Fred Astaire singing, "The Way You Look Tonight", came on the sound system and the lights came down. And I got on one knee and written across the dome, in the stars, were the words: "Will you marry me?" And the ring was the size of my fist.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: Parker's a nice guy and I'd like to get to know him.
Phoebe: Well, you better do it now.
Joey: Why?
Phoebe: Because I'm gonna kill him.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: You guys were right. He's just too excited about everything. I mean, I'm all for living life, but this is the Gellers' 35th anniversary. Let's call a spade a spade. This party stinks.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: You're right. He's just embracing life. We could all stand to be a little more like Parker. You know what? I am like him. I'm a sunny, positive person.
Joey: Actually, you have a little bit of an edge.
Phoebe: What's that now?

Quote from Jack Geller

Judy Geller: Thank you, Monica. That was interesting. Wasn't it interesting, Jack?
Jack Geller: Why don't I remember this dog?

Quote from Phoebe

Parker: My God, what a fantastically well-lit hallway.
Phoebe: Can I get you something to drink, like a water and Valium?

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Hey, do you guys have any extra ribbon?
Chandler: Oh, sure. What do you need? We got lace, satin, sateen, raffia, gingham, felt- And I think my testicles may be in here too.


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