Amy: Listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything because you know, you'd be dead. But I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of Emily.
Ross: Emma.
Amy: Emma, Ross wants you.
Phoebe: Phoebe!
Amy: Why does she keep making that noise?

Rachel: God, she is unbelievable.
Ross: I know. I mean, a Ph.D. is just as good as an MD.
Rachel: Oh, sure, Ross, yeah. If I have a heart attack at a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush.

Rachel: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this but if something were to happen to Ross or myself you wouldn't get the baby.
Amy: Well, who would?
Ross: Well, we haven't officially asked them yet but we would want Monica and Chandler.
Chandler: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.
Monica: Yeah. Oh, my God, I'm so moved.
Amy: I don't believe this. Hold on a second. You guys die and I don't get your baby?
Rachel: Amy, see, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully, honey, you don't seem connected to the baby.
Amy: Connected? I mean, to what? She's a lump.
Chandler: You know, guys, I've gotta say this means so much to me. I mean, that you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know, I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but- That you two- That you two-
Amy: This guy? Seriously?

Rachel: I haven't seen you in, like, a year.
Amy: Oh, I know. I know. I've just been crazed.
Rachel: Well, me too. I had a baby.
Amy: I decorated Dad's office.
Rachel: Yeah? Well, unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, not the same thing.

Phoebe: What's going on, Joe?
Joey: Listen, I need a good lie.
Phoebe: Oh. Okay. How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing, you know? You can see the strings, people!

Joey: Who has to die for me to get her?

Rachel: Honey, you're taking this the wrong way. We think you'll be a wonderful parent.
It's just- You're more the, you know, fun parent.
Ross: Yeah, and we wanna make sure Emma also has someone like Monica, who's more of a disciplinarian. Someone who can be firm and strict.
Monica: That's not how you see me, is it?
Phoebe: [cutting her food in the air] No, you're all about the fun.

Chandler: So, let me just get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma. Then my wife dies. Then Emma, the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me?
Phoebe: There's your movie.

Ross: Dude, well done. If I die and Rachel dies and Monica dies, you can totally take care of Emma.
Chandler: Oh, yeah? Well, thanks.
Ross: So... So now do I get Joey?
Chandler: Okay. But you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose.

Monica: Bye, plates.
Joey: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh?
Monica: What?! Something happened with the plates?
Joey: Uh. Yeah, this raccoon came in...