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‘The One with the Fake Monica’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Fake Monica

121. The One with the Fake Monica

Aired April 27, 1995

When Monica's credit card is stolen, she's more bothered about the exciting life that "Fake Monica" is living. After Monica joins her identity thief at a dance class, she quickly befriends the conwoman and gets a taste of a more carefree lifestyle. Meanwhile, Ross is saddened when he learns he must give up Marcel.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Plus, you know, I think it should be Joe. You know, Joey makes me sound like I'm this big: which I'm not.
Chandler: Joe, Joe, Joe Stalin?
Joey: Stalin. Stalin. Do I know that name? It sounds familiar.
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me.
Joey: Joe Stalin. You know, that's pretty good.
Chandler: You might wanna try Joseph.
Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that.
Chandler: Oh yes. Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.

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Quote from Monica

Monica: How'd someone get your card number?
Monica: I have no idea, but look how much they've spent.
Rachel: Monica, would you calm down. The credit card people said you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought.
Monica: Still, it's just such reckless spending.
Ross: I think when somebody steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Monica: That's me.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: You've got to do something about the humping.
Ross: What? It's just a phase.
Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Marcel, stop it. Marcel. Bad monkey!
Ross: What?
Rachel: Well, let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Ugh, Monica, you are not still going over that thing.
Monica: This woman's living my life.
Rachel: What?
Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me. Look at this. Look. She buys tickets to plays that I wanna see. She buys clothes at stores where I'm intimidated by the salespeople. She spent $300 on art supplies.
Rachel: You're not an artist.
Monica: Yeah, well, I might be if I had the supplies.

Quote from Monica

Monica: I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.
Rachel: Oh, Monica, come on. You do cool things.
Monica: Really? Let's compare, shall we?
Rachel: Oh, it's so late for "shall we."
Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School?
Rachel: No.
Monica: It's so unfair. She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: I'm going to tap class.
Rachel: So that you can dance with the woman that stole your card?
Monica: This woman's got my life. I should get to see who she is.
Rachel: Go to the Post Office, I'm sure her picture's up.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Monica, okay? Honey, you're kind of losing it here. I mean this is really becoming a weird obsession thing.
Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you. For the love of God, Monica, don't do it. Thank you.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Do you see anybody you think could be me?
Instructor: People, last time there were empty yogurt containers lying around after class. Let's not have that happen again.
Rachel: She could be you.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Where have you been?
Ross: I just got back from the vet.
Chandler: She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she?

Quote from Joey

Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing is not a phase. Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.
Joey: [to Chandler] Hey, he beat you.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: The vet said unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some monkey loving he's just gonna get vicious. I just gotta get him into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one. No, that's popes into a Volkswagen.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Monica: After you're with this woman for 10 minutes, you forget that. I mean, she's this astounding person with this amazing spirit.
Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: See, I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.
Phoebe: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt of it.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: You know, there already is a Joseph Stalin.
Chandler: You're kidding.
Joey: Apparently, he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that.
Chandler: You know, you'd think I would have.

Quote from Monica

Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of 25 other women and you're worried about who'll take you to the circus?
Monica: Well, not worried, you know, just wondering.
Fake Monica: There's nothing to wonder about, Monica. You're going to go back to being exactly who you were because that's who you are.
Monica: Not necessarily.
Fake Monica: Yes, necessarily. I mean, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the Amish thing.
Monica: I'm not actually Amish.
Fake Monica: Really? Then why are you like that?

Quote from Joey

Joey: I don't know what to say, Ross. It's a monkey.
Ross: Just say what you feel, Joey.
Joey: Marcel, I'm hungry.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot. Naturally, our first choice would be a big state zoo. Like San Diego. Right? But that may just be a pipe dream because, you know, he's out-of-state. My vet knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. It's a total party zoo.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: How about Joey Paponi?
Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Chandler: Joey Switzerland?


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