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‘The One Where Joey Dates Rachel’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Joey Dates Rachel

812. The One Where Joey Dates Rachel

Aired January 10, 2002

When Rachel bemoans the fact that she can't date now that she's pregnant, Joey takes her out for the night. Meanwhile, Phoebe gives Monica and Chandler a Ms. Pac-Man arcade game, and Ross is given another class to teach at the university.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: So do you really like it?
Monica: Are you kidding? I practically spent my entire childhood at the arcade. This was like my second favorite game.
Phoebe: Oh, really. What was your first?
Monica: I don't remember the name.
Chandler: Well, what did it do?
Monica: Well, you'd put a quarter in, pull some handles and you'd win, like, a candy bar or something.
Chandler: A vending machine?
Monica: Hey. Don't feel bad for me. I won every time!

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Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I am not gonna answer that.
Joey: Oh, come on. Just pick one. Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Ross if you had to, if you had to, who would you punch?
Rachel: No one. They are my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.
Joey: Chandler?
Rachel: Yeah, but I don't know why.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: You were fifty minutes late to the class? What did you crawl there?
Ross: No, I ran, okay? It's really far. And when did people stop understanding the phrase "Get the hell out of my way"?
Rachel: Well, why didn't you just you take a cab?
Ross: Ugh. Between the traffic that time of day and all the one-way streets, it'd take me twice as long. Besides, I teach the class three times a week. Who am I, Rockefeller?

Quote from Joey

Rachel: I thought you were in your room.
Joey: I'm picking you up for our date. These are for you.
Rachel: Oh. Lilies. They're my favorite. Thank you.
Joey: And a brownie. Well, half a brownie. Actually, it's just a bag. It's a long walk from the flower shop and I was starting to feel faint.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, come on. This is a real date. So nice place you got here. Foosball, huh? Pizza box.
Oh, a subscription to "Playboy." My kind of woman.
Rachel: Yeah, actually, that's my roommate's.
Joey: I would like to meet him. He sounds like a standup guy.
Rachel: Ah, yes, but he's very protective of me, so you'd better watch yourself.
Joey: Hey, so this roommate of yours, is he good-looking? Yeah, must be tough to keep your hands off him.
Rachel: Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he's gay.
Joey: No. No, he's not. Why are you trying to ruin the game? Come on.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Now, the filet mignon, what comes with that?
Waitress: There's a side of steamed vegetables.
Rachel: Mmm. Now, instead of the vegetables is there any way that I could substitute the three-pound lobster?
Joey: You know what? Bring her both. And I'll have the same.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Wow, so I get to see what Joey Tribbiani is like on a date. So do you have any moves?
Joey: No. No, I'm just myself, and if they don't like me for I'm sorry, I couldn't even get through that.
Rachel: I knew it. I knew it. Come on, tell me your moves.
Joey: All right. Well, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan.
Rachel: Oh, my God. And that works?
Joey: Well it does if you combine it with, "This is so embarrassing. I just want to have a normal life."
Rachel: Aww, you poor little famous man.
Joey: Okay, how about this one? I was gonna wait until the end of the night to kiss you but you're just so beautiful, I don't think I can.
Rachel: Oh, my God. Wow, that was fantastic. I almost leaned in. I really almost did.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: So tell me one of your moves.
Rachel: All right. So where'd you grow up?
Joey: That's your move? Boy, Rach, you're lucky you're hot.
Rachel: Come on, just answer the question.
Joey: Queens.
Rachel: And so, were you close to your parents?
Joey: Yeah. With my mom. Not so much my dad.
Rachel: Why not?
Joey: I don't know. I guess there's always been this distance. You know, I mean, we both try to pretend it's not there, but it is.
Rachel: It's gotta be rough.
Joey: Yeah, it's really tough. You know, sometimes I think- Wow! Nice move!
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Joey: "Where'd you grow up?" So simple.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna use the restroom. And now you're watching me walk away.
Joey: Yes, I am! Again, so simple.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You are not going to believe what I did today.
Monica: Well it clearly wasn't showering or shaving.
Chandler: I've gotten good. I played this game all day, and now I rule at it. They should change the name to "Ms. Chandler." Although, I hope they don't.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Wait a minute. You stayed home all day and played Ms. Pac-Man while I went off o work like some kind of chump?
Chandler: Uh-huh. And I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High-five!
Monica: What is the matter with your hand?
Chandler: Well, I've been playing it for like eight hours. It'll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. And also look at the initials. They're dirty words.
Monica: Chandler, why would you do that?
Chandler: Because it's awesome.
Monica: You think this is clever?
Chandler: Well, you know, they only give you three letters, so after A-S-S, it is a bit of a challenge.
Monica: Wait a minute. This one's not dirty.
Chandler: Well, it is when you put it together with that one.
Monica: Oh. Well, if you don't clear this off, you won't be getting one of those from me.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I gotta say. I never knew I could enjoy the non-sex part of a date so much.
Rachel: Well, that is because you have never been on a date with me before. All right. Now don't judge me. I normally wait till my date leaves, but you live here. I'm ripping into the swan.
Joey: Okay, well, then you don't judge me. I'm gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Hey, Joey, can I ask you something?
Joey: Yeah.
Rachel: After our date last night, did you feel a little weird?
Joey: Oh, my God. You did too? It totally freaked me out. What was that?
Rachel: I don't know. I'm kind of thinking it was the lobster.
Joey: Oh, yeah. Yeah, the lobster.
Rachel: I mean, I was up sick all night.
Joey: Yeah, me too. All night.
Rachel: Really? How come we didn't cross paths?
Joey: Yeah, well, that's because I stayed in my room. Yeah, you don't want to look in my hamper.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Thank God you're home! I'm watching "Cujo."
Joey: Alone?
Rachel: Yes! What is wrong with this dog?
Joey: Hey, did you get to the part where they're trapped in the car and Cujo's throwing himself at the windshield?
Rachel: No, no. No, seriously, what's wrong with the dog? Wait a minute, what are you doing home so early? What happened to your date?
Joey: Oh, it didn't work out.
Rachel: Well, do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me?
Joey: Oh, okay. Yeah.
Rachel: Well, I never thought I'd say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. What are you doing over there? Come sit here and protect me.
Joey: Oh. Sure, yeah. Why not?
Rachel: That's him, that's him! That's Cujo!
Joey: I know. I know. It's gonna be okay.
Rachel: Oh, my God. What's he gonna do now? I can't watch. Oh, seriously, how can you watch this? Aren't you scared?
Joey: Terrified.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, you guys? I'm sorry that I was hogging the game before. Oh, my God. Your friends have some unfortunate initials.


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