Monica Geller Quotes Page 1 of 77

Quote from The One with Phoebe's Uterus

Monica: All right. You could start out with a little one. A two. A one, two, three. A three.
A five. A four. A three, two. Two.
A two, four, six. Two, four, six.
Four. Two. Two.
Four, seven! Five, seven! Six, seven!
Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven!
[holds up seven fingers and mouths "Seven"]

Quote from The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel

Monica: This isn't something that we just impulsively decided to do in Vegas. This is something that we both really want. And it is going to happen.
Rachel: It is? Really?
Monica: Yeah, sweetie.
Rachel: You mean, we're not gonna live together anymore?
Monica: No.
Rachel: Oh, my God. I'm gonna miss you so much.
Monica: I'm gonna miss you.
Rachel: I mean, it's the end of an era!
Monica: I know!

Quote from The Last One (Part One)

Chandler: How do you feel?
Erica: I'm tired.
Doctor: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
Monica: I'm sorry, who should be along in a what now?
Doctor: The next baby should be along in a minute.
Monica: We only ordered one!

Quote from The One Where Ross Got High

Monica: That's it. You know what? You've had your chance. Mom, Dad. Ross smoked pot in college.
Jack Geller: What?
Judy Geller: What?
Ross: You are such a tattletale. Mom, Dad, you remember that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?
Jack and Judy Geller: Yes. [They both look at Chandler]
Ross: I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. I'm sorry.
Judy Geller: It was you?
Monica: And Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys. Ross did.

Quote from The One Where the Stripper Cries

Chandler: Seriously, where did this happen?
Ross: Okay. After you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right. She was lying on my bed, all buried in people's coats. Well, I went to kiss her on the forehead but it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second, but it was amazing. And now- Now, I find out that you kissed her first.
Chandler: Wait, what bed did you say she was on?
Ross: Mine.
Chandler: I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed.
Ross: No, she was definitely on my bed.
Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
Ross: Well, then who was on my bed?
Monica: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Ross: No! No! No!
Monica: Yes!
Ross: You were under the pile of coats?
Monica: I was the pile of coats!

Quote from The One with the Embyros

Ross: "Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?"
Monica: Maurice.
Ross: "His profession was?"
Rachel: Space cowboy!
Ross: "What is Chandler Bing's job?" [silence]
Rachel: Oh, gosh, it has something to do with numbers.
Monica: And processing.
Rachel: He carries a briefcase.
Ross: Ten seconds. You need this or you lose the game.
Monica: It has something to do with transponding.
Rachel: Oh, oh! He's a transpon- transponster.
Monica: That's not even a word!

Quote from The One with Rachel's Book

Monica: Sweetie, this is the most special day of our lives.
Chandler: I realize that, honey, but I'm not going to spend all the money on one party.
Monica: Honey, I love you. But if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited.

Quote from The One with the Pediatrician

Rachel: I wonder why Ross said that he died?
Monica: Oh. Maybe he was getting him confused him with his childhood therapist.
Chandler: He saw a therapist?
Monica: Uh-huh. He used to have this recurring nightmare. It really freaked him out.
Rachel: Wow, what was it?
Monica: That I was going to eat him.

Quote from The One Where Ross Got High

Chandler: It'll be okay because when they come over, I will be all charming. I will make them love me and then we will tell them.
Monica: You really think that will that work?
Chandler: Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe. I won you over, didn't l?
Monica: I don't think you'll ever get my parents that drunk.

Quote from The One with Joey's Porsche

Joey: I figured if people keep seeing me just standing there, they're gonna start to think I don't own it. So I figure I'll wash it, right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Monica: Oh, yeah. I got soap and sponges and rags and carnauba wax and polishing compound.
Chandler: You don't even have a car.
Monica: I know. But one time there was this really dirty car parked in front of the building, so I washed it.
Chandler: And?
Monica: And six others.
Chandler: There you are.

Quote from The One with the Proposal (Part 2)

Monica: Chandler, in all my life, I never thought I would be so lucky, as to fall in love with my best- My best- There's a reason why girls don't do this!

Quote from The One in Massapequa

Monica: Okay, it's time for the toast. I know that normally Ross gives the toast, but this year I'm going to do it. [crowd groans] No, it's gonna be great. Really. Okay. Mom, Dad, when I got married one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you two set. For that, and so many other things, I want to say thank you. I know I probably don't say it enough but I love you. When I look around this room, I'm saddened by the thought of those who could not be with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother, who would so want to be here. But she can't because she's dead. As is our dog, Chi-Chi. I mean, look how cute she is- Was. Do me a favor, pass this to my parents. Remember, um, she's dead, okay? Her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey, does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in "Terms of Endearment"? Didn't see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day, I was watching "60 Minutes" and there was this piece on orphans in Romania who have been so neglected that they were incapable of love. You people are made of stone! Here's to Mom and Dad. Whatever!

Quote from The One with Phoebe's Birthday Dinner

Chandler: I messed up. It was a meeting. Everybody was smoking.
Monica: So what? Don't you have any willpower?
Chandler: Willpower? I've watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs without taking the tinfoil off.
Monica: You said that was sexy!

Quote from The One with All the Candy

Monica: The basket is totally empty. Oh, my God, the neighbors ate all the candy.
Chandler: Well, either that or...
Monica: Joey!

Quote from The One with All the Candy

Monica: I can't believe that sign didn't work.
Chandler: You know what would work? Stop making candy.
Monica: But they like it.
Chandler: You mean they like you.
Monica: Maybe.
Chandler: Is that why you became a chef, so people would like you?
Monica: Oh. You really want to talk about getting people to like you, huh, funny man?