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‘The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs

708. The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs

Aired November 23, 2000

After Phoebe sneaks a dog into the apartment, Chandler admits he doesn't like dogs. Meanwhile, Rachel invites Tag to join them for Thanksgiving, and Ross obsesses over a game where you must name all fifty U.S. states.

Quote from Joey

Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point.
Rachel: Huh. A "moo" point?
Joey: Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's "moo."
Rachel: Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?

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Quote from Joey

Chandler: So Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables. Joey?
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
Ross: Wow, how many you got?
Joey: Fifty-six.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hi, Geller-Bing residence. How can I help?
Monica: Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, who's this?
Monica: Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch.
Chandler: Tell her I'm allergic, and I will sue!
Phoebe: No, there's no dog here.
Monica: Yes, there is! He's black and white and shaggy, and he's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand.
Phoebe: Oh, my God! Where are you? [knock at the door] They're here already? How are they doing this?!

Quote from Ross

Joey: Look, Chandler, I told you. Never tell anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not liking ice cream.
Phoebe: You don't like ice cream?
Ross: It's too cold!

Quote from Ross

Ross: Done with time to spare.
Chandler: Ooh, this may be a new world's record.
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys but it's kind of disgraceful that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. You ever see a map or one of those round colorful things called a globe?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: We have good news. Look who's back.
Chandler: Klunkers. Oh, my God.
Monica: That's right. She came back all by herself.
Phoebe: It's a Thanksgiving miracle.
Chandler: It is so good to see you.
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross's building. Oh, the things she must've seen. And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny paw, and then we ran to let her in- I went too far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?

Quote from Monica

Ross: Hey, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving.
Chandler: No, no, no.
Ross: What? Are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
Chandler: No, we are playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
Ross: What? That's like insanely easy.
Chandler: No, it's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one. Or in some cases, fourteen.
Monica: It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing with people, so technically, I didn't lose.
Ross: You forgot 14 states?
Monica: Nobody cares about the Dakotas!

Quote from Chandler

Monica: I wish he could stay, but Chandler's allergic.
Chandler: Extremely allergic, okay? If I am anywhere near a dog for more than five minutes my throat will just close up.
Phoebe: That's odd. Because this dog's been living here for the past three days.
Chandler: [hoarse] Really?
Monica: Chandler, if the dog has been here that long and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog.
Chandler: Well, it still has to go, right?
Monica and Phoebe: Why?
Chandler: Okay, it's-
Joey: Don't do it!
Monica: Don't do what?
Chandler: I have to. Okay? It's time. Okay, I hate dogs.
Rachel: What?!
Phoebe: That's crazy? Why?
Joey: Told you.
Chandler: They are needy, they are jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking and that scares me a little bit.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Uh, Magellan? You got 46 states.
Ross: What? That's impossible.
Joey: Forty-six. Well, who's well-educated now, Mr. I-Forgot-Ten-States?

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Okay, time's up.
Rachel: All right, I got 48.
Chandler: That's not bad. Pheebs?
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states, so I decided to list the types of celery. And I have one, regular celery.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, how is New England not a state? They have a sports team.
Chandler: Does South Oregon have a sports team? There you go.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: All right, I'm out of oven space, so I'm going to go turn on Joey's. Please, watch him. Do not let Joey eat any of the food.
Chandler: I am only one man.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Joey, do not let Ross look at any maps or the globe in your apartment.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler. It's not a globe of the United States.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Well, what happened to your girlfriend?
Tag: We kind of broke up this morning.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry.
Tag: Yeah, so she went back to Ohio.
Ross: Ohio, thank you.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Phoebe. Phoebe, open up. [dog barks]
Phoebe: There's no dog in here.
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking.
Phoebe: No, that's just me coughing. [Phoebe coughs, dog barks] Oh, good. There you are. Listen, I have a dog in my room.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Wait. [British accent:] Hello, my name is Klunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?

Quote from Ross

Ross: You're right. They are scary. [screams] She just ate a treat out of my hand!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Now, I don't want to say this and I don't want you guys to hate me but I don't think I can be around that dog anymore, okay? So either the dog goes or I go. Huh. [silence] Oh, my God!

Quote from Ross

Ross: How can I not get this? I'm a college professor. I got 1450 on my SATs.
Monica: 1250.
Ross: Damn, I forgot you were here.

Quote from Joey

Tag: Thanks for talking to me.
Rachel: Come on, what are bosses for? Hug it out.
Joey: All right, he likes you back. Huh? Told you you should go for it.
Tag: What?
Joey: Street noise drown any of that out? No? All right, I'll see you later. Okay.

Quote from Rachel

Tag: What did Joey say? I like you back?
Rachel: Yeah, well, see, Joey knows that I'm very insecure about my back. And you were hugging me so obviously you are not repulsed by it. Yeah!
Tag: Wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense.
Rachel: No?

Quote from Monica

Ross: Hey, what's she doing back here?
Monica: Relax, Ross. She's not made of ice cream.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: What's the matter?
Chandler: Monica's upset because of Klunkers.
Joey: So? Bring the dog back. You're a hero.
Chandler: Yeah, I could be a hero. I could do that. What if it attacks me?
Joey: Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.
Chandler: And that doesn't scare you?

Quote from Joey

Joey: First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Okay, maybe this is so hard, because there aren't 50 states. Let me tell you something. I have 49 states and there are no more!

Quote from Ross

Ross: Tag, you're going? We didn't even get a chance to talk. So where did you say you're from again?
Tag: Colorado.
Ross: Eh. What good are you?

Quote from Ross

Ross: Delaware. [sobs] Delaware.
Chandler: All right.
Ross: I want my turkey now.
Chandler: You got it. You got Nevada twice.
Ross: I know.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Where's Chandler?
Chandler: [enters from the bathroom] Here I am.
Phoebe: Wash your hands!
Chandler: How did you know?!

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Hi, honey.
Chandler: Please, please, please, don't be mad at me.
Monica: What? Why would-?
Phoebe: Ssh. Wait and see. Maybe we will, maybe we won't.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross's apartment to bring back Klunkers for you, and I left the door open, and she must've gotten out. And I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof. Which, FYI, Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him and I am so, so, so sorry. But I do know where we can all go ease the pain.


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