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‘The One After 'I Do'’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Friends: The One After 'I Do'

801. The One After 'I Do'

Aired September 27, 2001

Monica and Chandler's wedding reception threatens to be upstaged by the news that someone's pregnant. After learning that the pregnancy test didn't belong to Monica, Phoebe covers for Rachel by saying she's pregnant. Meanwhile, Joey tries to impress a Broadway director and Ross meets an attractive woman at the reception. 

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: And I didn't want to say anything because it's your day. I didn't want to steal your thunder.
Monica: Wait a minute. So you told people I was pregnant? [to photographer] Does this look like a conversation I want to remember?

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Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, Mon, why did you tell the guys you're not pregnant?
Monica: Because I'm not.
Phoebe: We found your test in the trash. If you're not pregnant ... it's because I am.
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: Yes, I am with child.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Who's the father?
Phoebe: I can't say.
Chandler: Why not?
Phoebe: I can't say because he's famous.
Rachel: Oh, my God, who is it?
Monica: Phoebe, come on, you have to tell us.
Phoebe: Okay. It's James Brolin. James Brolin is the father of my baby.
Chandler: As in Barbra Streisand's husband, James Brolin?
Phoebe: What? Well, he never said that to me.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin.
Monica: Oh, really?
Phoebe: Yes. And apparently he is married to some singer. But he said he would leave her for me. So I said, "James. James Brolin, are you sure?" And James Brolin said-
Monica: Rachel's really the one who's pregnant?
Phoebe: What? ... Why bother?

Quote from Jack Geller

Monica: Just try not to move your feet at all.
Chandler: Oh.
Monica: There you go.
Jack Geller: Chandler, I'm gonna have you arrested.
Chandler: Why?
Jack Geller: You stole my moves!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, wait. You know what? I can't look at it. I can't look at it. Somebody else tell me.
Phoebe: It's negative.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: It's negative.
Rachel: Oh. Well, there you go. Phew. That's great. That is really great news. You know, because the whole not being ready, the financial aspects, all that- Well, this is so just the way it was supposed to be.
Monica: Well then, great.
Rachel: God. This is so stupid. How can I be upset over something I never had? It's negative?
Phoebe: No, it's positive.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: It's not negative, it's positive.
Rachel: Are you sure?
Phoebe: Well, yeah, I lied before. Now you know how you really feel about it.
Rachel: Oh, that's a risky little game.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I'd like to propose a toast to Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world, and my best friends. Now, when I first found out they were getting married, I was a little angry. I was like, "Why, God? Why? How could you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together. Some happy memories. [laughs] And there were some sad memories. [whimpers] I'm sorry. And some scared memories. Whoa! And then I realized I'll always be their friend. Their friend who can speak in many dialects, and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. Oh, to the happy couple.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Are you ready to talk about it?
Rachel: No.
Phoebe: Now?
Rachel: No!
Phoebe: Okay, we'll talk about something else. Who's the father?
Rachel: Look, honey, I haven't told him yet, so until I do I don't think I should tell anybody else.
Phoebe: Yeah. That's fine. That's fair. Is it Tag?
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, I'll stop. Is it Ross? It's Ross isn't it? Oh, my God, it's Joey!
Rachel: Stop it, okay. I'm not going to tell you until I tell him.
Phoebe: Aha. At least we know it's a him.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Okay, I know I'm not supposed to know, but I do and I'm so excited for you.
Joey: What's going on?
Ross: Monica's pregnant.
Joey: My God, Is that why you guys had to get married?
Monica: Guys, I'm not pregnant.
Joey: Ah, slow swimmers?

Quote from Ross

Ross: What? What do you mean? You're not pregnant?
Monica: You didn't tell anybody I was, did you?
Ross: No. I'll be right back.

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