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‘The One with the Birth Mother’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Friends: The One with the Birth Mother

1009. The One with the Birth Mother

Aired January 8, 2004

Monica and Chandler go to Ohio to see a prospective birth mother. Meanwhile, Joey dates one of Phoebe's friends and is outraged when she takes food from his plate, and Ross turns to Rachel for fashion advice.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: So Joey and my friend are out last night, they're having dinner, and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries.
Rachel: Oh, no!
Phoebe: What? You know about the plate thing?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. No, Joey doesn't share food. I mean, just last week we were having breakfast and he had a couple grapes on his plate.
Phoebe: You wouldn't let her have a grape?
Rachel: No, not me. Emma.
Joey: Joey doesn't share food!

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Quote from Rachel

Ross: Hey, guys, I need some fashion advice. How does this look?
Rachel: Well, it's It's a little low. Pick it up a little. A little bit more. A little bit more. There you go. Now throw it away.
Ross: Come on! This looks good.
Rachel: Ross, please trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get far away from that hat.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Damn it. I have this date tomorrow night, and I have to look cool.
Phoebe: Well, you know, if you want fashion help, Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow. You're more than welcome to come with us.
Ross: Really? That would be great. I mean, I have to do something. She kind of teased me about how I dress.
Joey: I can see why. Nice shirt.
Ross: You're wearing the same shirt.
Joey: Stupid Gap on every corner!

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: That's why you won't go out with her again? So she took some fries. Big deal.
Joey: Hey, look, it's not about a few fries. It's about what the fries represent.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: All food!
Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry. I can't believe I set you up with such a monster.
Joey: Hey, look, I take a girl out she can order whatever she wants. The more the better, all right? Just don't order a garden salad and then eat my food! That's a good way to lose some fingers.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Hey, so how was your date?
Joey: Not so good.
Ross: Well, looks like it's just the two of us tonight, huh, buddy?
Joey: Yeah. And you know what? We could do a lot worse.
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Yeah. [Ross takes some of Joey's muffin] Joey doesn't share food!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef, and I'm in advertising.
Erica: Oh, yeah. I actually liked you guys. But it doesn't matter. What you did was wrong.
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She is loving, and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this, but the woman's always right. I love my wife more than anything in this world. And it It kills me that I can't give her a baby. I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife she's already there. She's a mother without a baby. ... Please?

Quote from Chandler

Erica: So it's Monica and Chandler? I only know you as "File CRW33815-D."
Chandler: That's what our friends call us.

Quote from Monica

Erica: Gosh, you know, you're just such an amazing couple. It's kind of intimidating.
Monica: I don't know about that.
Erica: Are you kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you're a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend?
Chandler: I don't think that's exactly-
Monica: Let her finish, doctor.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Well, I still think that is a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her, okay? And if you need to, then just get an extra plate of fries for the table.
Joey: I like that. A sharing buffer. Yeah. Yeah, I'll order some extra fries. Maybe a plate of onion rings. Yeah. Yeah. And a shrimp cocktail. And some Buffalo wings. Maybe- Maybe an individual pizza, huh? And some mozzarella sticks. What were we talking about?

Quote from Chandler

Erica: I was wondering- You both have such serious jobs. Would you have time to take care of a baby and your flock?
Monica: Oh, no, my flock? My flock is good. Yeah. My flock pretty much takes care of themselves by this point. Good flock. Flock, flock, flock.
Erica: But being a doctor, that must take up a lot of time.
Chandler: Not for me it doesn't.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: We are not signing those papers.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Monica: God works in mysterious ways.
Chandler: You have got to stop.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: But she liked us.
Chandler: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica.
Monica: If you think about it, I'm kind of like a reverend. I mean, as a chef, I serve God by feeding the hungry and poor.
Chandler: Your veal chop is 34.95!

Quote from Joey

Sarah: Those fries look delicious.
Joey: I didn't know you liked French fries. Help yourself. What's mine is yours.
Sarah: Wow, are those stuffed clams?
Joey: Yes, they are my stuffed clams. How about those fries, though, huh?
Sarah: They are delicious.
Joey: Yeah. You are beautiful, you know that?
Sarah: That is so sweet.
Joey: Okay, then. Now look what you did!
Sarah: What? What is the matter with you?
Joey: I don't like it when people take food off of my plate, okay?
Sarah: But you just said, "What's mine is yours."
Joey: Well, I didn't mean it!

Quote from Joey

Sarah: Fine. Sorry, I didn't think it was that big a deal.
Joey: No, I'm sorry. I- I'm overreacting, okay? It's just, when it comes to food, I have certain rules okay? I mean there are things you do, and, you know, things that you don't do. [Joey picks his plate up from the floor, blows a clam down and takes a bite]

Quote from Joey

Sarah: Oh, my God. Mmm.
Joey: All right, I'll just have what she's having.
Waiter: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. That was our last piece.
Sarah: Oh, no. This is work. I should call in. Can you excuse me?
Joey: Yeah, sure. No problem.
Sarah: What are you doing? I thought you don't share food?
Joey: Sure I do. Coulis?
Sarah: No. If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. This is a two-way street.
Joey: [laughs] Really?
Sarah: Really. Now this all better be here when I come back.
Joey: Yeah, of course. I can control myself.
[later:]
Joey: [to the dessert] Stop staring at me! Just a tiny little taste- Uh-oh.
[Sarah returns:]
Joey: I'm not even sorry.

Quote from Monica

Erica: So who are you?
Chandler: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York.
Monica: Yeah, but the important thing to know about us is how much we would care for this little baby.
Erica: So you lied to me before?
Monica: Well, we "bore false witness." See? I could be a reverend.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: You still want that baby?
Monica: God bless you, Chandler Bing!

Quote from Monica

Chandler: So the fact that I'm a doctor and my wife's a reverend, that's important to you?
Erica: Yeah. I read some great applications but I thought, "Who better than a minister to raise a child?"
Monica: Amen.
Erica: Plus, I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor.
Monica: Oh, good hands. Healing hands.
Erica: Reverend, can I ask? Does the Bible say anything about adoption?
Monica: It says, "Do it." "And behold, she did adopt unto them a baby. And it was good."
Erica: Wow.
Chandler: Yeah, wow.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: We're just here to say goodbye. We're off to Ohio.
Phoebe: Oh, right, your adoption interview.
Monica: Yep. We're going to meet the lady who could be carrying our baby.
Joey: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're going to have a baby. That is so weird.
Chandler: And so incorrect.
Monica: She's only a few months pregnant. She liked our application but who knows whether she's gonna like us.
Ross: Come on, she's gonna love you guys.
Chandler: Thank you. But we're really trying not to get our hopes up.
Monica: A lot could still get in our way.
Chandler: Yeah, this girl could still decide against adoption, she could like another couple better-
Phoebe: What are you gonna name the baby?
Chandler: I could develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: But just think, okay? What if everything goes right? What if this woman does pick you guys?
Monica: Oh, my God. She's gonna pick us.
Chandler: So we're standing firm on "not getting our hopes up"?
Monica: No. I know that things could still go wrong, but if they don't if this works out, we're gonna have a baby, Chandler. A baby!
Chandler: Yes. But-
Monica: Oh, my God. It's gonna work! We're gonna make it work. I'm gonna be a mommy, and you're gonna be a daddy. All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna go get me a baby!
Chandler: Screw it. I'm gonna be a daddy!

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