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‘The One with Joey's Big Break’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Joey's Big Break

522. The One with Joey's Big Break

Aired May 13, 1999

After Joey lands a role in a movie he believes will be his big break, he invites Chandler to join him as he drives cross-country to Las Vegas in Phoebe's cab. Meanwhile, Rachel refuses to seek medical attention for a problem with her eye, and Phoebe is mad at Ross but can't remember why.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle. Guess what? I got the lead in a movie.
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing. What's the movie about?
Joey: It's called Shutterspeed. It's really cool. Yeah, um, I meet this girl on the subway and we fall in love in, like, a day, right. And then she disappears. But I find out where she lives. And when I get there, this, like, old lady answers the door. And I say, "Where's Betsy?", right. And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Phoebe: Ooh. Chilling.

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Quote from Joey

Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
Joey: Oh, no, not really. It's an independent film so we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
Chandler: I see, but once you get your first paycheck, you'll be springing for a big hotel suite? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot.
Joey: Oh, yeah. Check this out. For every dollar Shutterspeed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Chandler: So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for 10 years." I'm gonna be a millionaire.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: I'm sorry. I'm not going to an eye doctor.
Ross: Oh, God. Here we go.
Chandler: What.
Ross: Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she, like, freaks out.
Watch. [Ross puts his finger close to his eye]
Rachel: Ross, come on. I have a weird thing with my eye. Can we just not talk about it, please?
Monica: Hey, Rach. You know that great song? "Me, Myself and Eye." [Monica puts his finger close to his eye]
Rachel: Monica! Come on!
Ross: Hey, anyone else want to get some lunch? All those in favor of getting lunch, say, "eye." [Ross puts his finger close to his eye]
Rachel: Ross! Stop it
Chandler: How much did I love The King and Eye? [Chandler puts his finger close to his eye]
Rachel: Chandler!
Joey: Me too, me too! [Joey pokes his eye]
Rachel: Okay, just stop it! That's enough!
[Joey groans]
Chandler: You okay there, man?
Joey: Yeah. I got too excited.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Why are you so mad at him?
Phoebe: I don't wanna talk about it.
Monica: Well, it just seems like-
Phoebe: You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking. Has anyone seen my list, by the way?
Chandler: No, Pheebs. What's it look like?
Phoebe: It's a piece of paper and it says "Ross" on it.

Quote from Monica

Monica: If you thought that this mess was gonna bother me, you are wrong. All right, let's go, Blinky. [Monica closes the apartment door, then returns] Chandler!

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Hey, Joey. What's up?
Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot, right?
Phoebe: Yeah, I've been around.
Joey: Okay. So which route should I take? The northern route or the southern route?
Phoebe: Ooh, if you take the northern route, there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees.
Joey: Great. Problem solved.
Phoebe: But on the southern route, there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Joey: Well, back to square one.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, I know a way that you can decide. All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can.
Joey: Yes!
Phoebe: Good. But wait. All right, here we go. I want you to relax. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. Which do you like better, peanut butter or egg whites?
Joey: Peanut butter.
Phoebe: Which would you rather be, a fireman or a swimmer?
Joey: Swimmer.
Phoebe: Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?
Joey: Monica. Ooh, I always thought it'd be Rachel.
Phoebe: No thinking. No thinking. Tie or ascot?
Joey: Ascot.
Phoebe: North or south route?
Joey: North route.
Phoebe: Bam. There you go. Huh?
Joey: That was incredible. Beard of bees here I come.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I know how we can decide. Okay. I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick, okay?
Ross: Okay.
Joey: What do you like better, action or comedy?
Ross: Action.
Joey: Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?
Ross: Dude, you are sick.
Joey: I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Phoebe, are you mad at me or something? If you are, please tell me what it is I did.
Phoebe: If you don't know, I can't help you.
Ross: I don't know.
Phoebe: Well, I can't help you.

Quote from Monica

Ross: Okay. Are you mad at me because my hair gel smells?
Phoebe: No.
Ross: Are you angry with me because I said your handwriting is childlike?
Phoebe: No. That made me feel precious.
Monica: Ooh, I know. Is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? "Whom, whom." Sometimes it's "who"!

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge.
Phoebe: Why?
Chandler: I don't know. He went crazy. We were playing that game where you ask a question and then you have to answer it really fast.
Phoebe: Oh, that game should not be played without my supervision.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Well, I don't know what made him so mad. You know, all I said was that I didn't think this was going to be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that, you know, it didn't sound like a real movie. Okay, he should've pushed me off the bridge.

Quote from Joey

Monica: Chandler told me what happened. He's really upset.
Joey: Not as upset as he's going to be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests.
Monica: What did you do to his sweater vests?
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: Hey, Pheebs. Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What is it?
Phoebe: Oh, that's my grandma. And thanks, Joey. She's having a really great time.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Okay, Pheebs, I know how we're gonna figure this out. Clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. What do you like better, flora or fauna?
Phoebe: Fauna.
Ross: Who would you rather be, Simon or Garfunkel?
Phoebe: Garfunkel.
Ross: Why are you mad at me?
Phoebe: You said I was boring. Oh.
Ross: When did I say you were boring.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. I remember now. We were playing chess.
Ross: Phoebe, you and l have never played chess.
Phoebe: Oh, come on. Yes. Remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess. You said I was boring. And then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz. Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: You know, I gotta tell you, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is 100 percent better.
Monica: They're still in my coat.
Rachel: Damn.

Quote from Rachel

Dr. Miller: You got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops, three times a day for a week and you'll be as good as new.
Rachel: Yeah, no. No, I don't put things in my eye.
Dr. Miller: Okay, then. I guess we'll see you back here in three months.
Rachel: Great.
Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
Rachel: Okay, just give me the damn drops.


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