TV Quotes

Joey: Think about it. You're 18, okay? She's 44. When you're 36, she's going to be 88.
Frank: What, you don't think I know that?

[Chandler smoking as he enters Central Perk]
Gunther: Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no. There's none of that in here.
Chandler: Oh, come on, at least let me finish this last one.
Gunther: Okay, but only if you give me a drag.
Chandler: Okay.
Gunther: Oh oh, dark mother. Once again I suckle at your smoky teat.
Chandler: No, no. Why don't you hold on to that one?

Recorded Female Voice: Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
[CLICK]
Joey: Joey's your best friend. You want to make him a cheese sandwich every day. And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.

Rachel: Come on, it's a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since.
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: What's your problem?
Ross: Nothing. It's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
Rachel: Ross, I watched you get hypnotized in Atlantic City.
Ross: Hey, that guy did not hypnotize me, okay?
Rachel: Right, because you always pull your pants down on the count of three and play "Wipe Out" on your butt cheeks.

Alice: You know, it's funny. Frank's told me so much about you, but you're not how I pictured you at all.
Phoebe: Yeah. I'm a big surprise.

Recorded Female Voice: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper, deeper, deeper. You are now completely asleep. You don't need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.

Monica: And you know what? I just realized in the last year, I've only gone out with two guys: Richard and Julio. You got to help me out. You gotta set me up. Get me back in the game.
Rachel: Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I mean, I work in fashion, and all I meet are eligible straight men.

Monica: Pete, can I get you something else?
Pete: I'll have a slice of cheesecake and a date, if you're giving them out.
Monica: Heh. Haven't you and I covered that topic?
Pete: Come on. You just said to her-
Monica: You only want to go out with me because of my wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.
Pete: Well, if that were true, I'd be dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out, it was just plain awkward.

Rachel: Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? That ain't a pretty picture in the morning, you know what I mean? That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the nightstand.

Phoebe: No, I know, I know that this is Frank's life, you know? I don't want to be all judgmental, but this is sick. It's sick and wrong!
Ross: Pheebs, what is it the age thing?
Phoebe: No, no. I'm fine with the age thing, until it starts sticking its tongue down my little brother's throat.