Joey: Think about it. You're 18, okay? She's 44. When you're 36, she's going to be 88.
Frank: What, you don't think I know that?

[Chandler smoking as he enters Central Perk]
Gunther: Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no. There's none of that in here.
Chandler: Oh, come on, at least let me finish this last one.
Gunther: Okay, but only if you give me a drag.
Chandler: Okay.
Gunther: Oh oh, dark mother. Once again I suckle at your smoky teat.
Chandler: No, no. Why don't you hold on to that one?

Recorded Female Voice: Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
[CLICK]
Joey: Joey's your best friend. You want to make him a cheese sandwich every day. And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.

Rachel: Come on, it's a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since.
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: What's your problem?
Ross: Nothing. It's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
Rachel: Ross, I watched you get hypnotized in Atlantic City.
Ross: Hey, that guy did not hypnotize me, okay?
Rachel: Right, because you always pull your pants down on the count of three and play "Wipe Out" on your butt cheeks.

Alice: You know, it's funny. Frank's told me so much about you, but you're not how I pictured you at all.
Phoebe: Yeah. I'm a big surprise.

Monica: And you know what? I just realized in the last year, I've only gone out with two guys: Richard and Julio. You got to help me out. You gotta set me up. Get me back in the game.
Rachel: Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I mean, I work in fashion, and all I meet are eligible straight men.

Rachel: Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? That ain't a pretty picture in the morning, you know what I mean? That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the nightstand.

Phoebe: No, I know, I know that this is Frank's life, you know? I don't want to be all judgmental, but this is sick. It's sick and wrong!
Ross: Pheebs, what is it the age thing?
Phoebe: No, no. I'm fine with the age thing, until it starts sticking its tongue down my little brother's throat.

Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.
Phoebe: But do you think he's going to enjoy it when he's up to his elbows in the diapers of all the babies they have to have right away? This is not fair to Frank, and it's not fair to the babies.
And you know what? It's not good home economics.

Ross: Look, Pheebs, if you don't tell him, soon he's going to be married, and then you're going to hate yourself.
Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then he's going to hate myself.