TV Quotes

Carol: Phoebe, hang on a second. Take my car. Get your friends.
Ross: No, I won't pick them up.
Carol: Listen, we both know you'll do it, because you're not a jerk. Okay. So you can either sulk here for half an hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
Ross: Rachel doesn't want me-
Carol: I'm sorry Rachel dumped you for Mark and you're the innocent victim in all of this. But don't punish your friends for what Rachel did.
Ross: Yeah, you're right.
Carol: Phoebe, hang on. Ross wants to say something. What? You slept with someone else?
Ross: We were on a break!

Joey: Okay, done!
Monica: What's "pleh"?
Joey: That's "help" spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air.
Monica: Ha. What's "dufus" spelled backwards?

Ross: You're welcome.
Rachel: I'm sorry. Were you speaking to me, or sleeping with someone else?
Ross: We were on a break!
Rachel: You know, Ross, why don't you just put that on your answering machine?

Joey: Can I see the comics?
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
Joey: Okay, may I see the comics?

Phoebe: Come on. They can be in the same room.
Joey: You should've been there last night.
Phoebe: Why, what happened last night?
Joey: Ross was hanging out at our place. Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturizer from Chandler-
Chandler: Hey, how hard is it to say "something"? Rachel came over to borrow "something."

Joey: Anyway, her and Ross just started yelling at each other.
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? He's the one who slept with someone else.
Joey: Well, I guess he says that because they were on a break when it happened she should've forgiven him by now.
Phoebe: Oh, he is so unreasonable. God. Although I think understand what he means. Oh, my God, this is like 60 Minutes... Okay, you know, when at first you're really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug. And then, you just feel bad for the people, because they needed to make their hair grow.

Chandler: Maybe it's gonna be okay. I mean, it's been a week.
Joey: Yeah, it's never taken me more than a week to get over a relationship.
Monica: It's never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.

Monica: Let's go. Let's hit the road. Let's get the show on it.
Rachel: Okay, just let me get coffee.
Monica: Oh, I know the best coffeehouse and it's so close.
Rachel: Closer than here?

Phoebe: "Uh, Rachel, I'm really sorry." "Okay, Ross. Wanna get back together?" "Yeah, okay." Did anyone else hear that?

Joey: Rach, it's not that we don't want to. Really. Are we talking models in their underwear?
Rachel: And heels.

Joey: You're smoking again?
Chandler: Well, actually, yesterday, I was smoking again. Today I'm smoking, still.

Chandler: Great. With my luck, that's him.
Phoebe: Him? Ross?
Chandler: No, "Hymn" 253: "His Eyes Are on the Sparrow." When my parents got divorced is when I started using humor as a defense mechanism.

Monica: So if your parents hadn't gotten divorced you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?

Phoebe: Okay, Monica's are the biggest.
Monica: These tiny little non-breasts? Please. It's gotta be Rachel.
Rachel: No, mine are deceptively small. I mean, I actually sometimes stuff my bra.
Monica: Well, then, your bra would still be big.
Rachel: No, I stuff outside the bra.

Monica: So the "going for help" went well?
Joey: Oh, yeah. Smokey Joe here got halfway to the highway and collapsed.
Chandler: I have the lung capacity of a 2-year-old.
Monica: Then why are you smoking?
Chandler: Well, it's very unsettling.

Carol: You slept with another woman?
Ross: Oh, you're one to talk.

Ross: Oh, please? Can't I come to your special, magical cabin?
Rachel: Why would you even want to come, Ross? You're a horrible skier.
Ross: Oh, oh. Hitting me where it hurts, my ski skills!

Chandler: I can handle it. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, it's the middle part of my first name.

Chandler: I was being Shelley Winters from The Poseidon Adventure.
Ross: I know.

Chandler: You know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.