TV Quotes

Ross: Uh, Rach, did you proofread these?
Rachel: Yeah. Why?
Ross: Nothing. I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent "compuper" skills.
Rachel: Oh, my God! Do you think it's on all of them?
Joey: Oh, no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few of them.

Monica: All right, here we go. We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica. What are you doing? This is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable. It's got to be like chips or dip or pretz-

Rachel: Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being?
Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.
Phoebe: [laughs]
Monica: What?
Phoebe: "Hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black!"
Monica: Please! I'm not as bad as Ross. I beg to differ.
Rachel: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident?
Monica: That was not an incident. I was gesturing and the plate slipped out of my hand.

Rachel: Oh! I got an interview!
Monica: You're kidding! Where?
Rachel: Saks Fifth Avenue.
Monica: Oh, Rachel!
Phoebe: It's like the mother ship is calling you home.

Rachel: Guys, guess what?
Chandler: Ah, what could it be? The fifth dentist caved, and now they're all recommending Trident?

Ross: All right. Your money's mine, Green.
Rachel: Your fly's open, Geller.

Ross: That's fine with me. Could use some money.
Rachel: So, basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from your friends.
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from IKEA. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.

Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? Joker is poker with a "J"! Coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that's jo-incidence with a "C"!

Ross: Rach, we're running low on resumes over here.
Monica: Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics?
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.

Rachel: I can't be a waitress anymore. I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy tips. I'm sick of being called "Excuse Me."

Rachel: Hi, ladies. Can I get you anything? Did you bring the mail?
Monica: Lots of responses.
Rachel: Really? Sure, we have scones left! Okay, read them to me.
Phoebe: "Dear Miss Greene: Thank you for your inquiry.However-". Oh.
Rachel: We have apple cinnamon-
Monica: Okay, "Dear Ms. Greene." Yeah, yeah! No.
Phoebe: Wow.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Your Visa bill is huge!

Chandler: You know, I can't believe you. Linda's so great. Why won't you go out with her again?
Ross: I don't know.
Chandler: ls this still about her "The Flintstones could have really happened" thing?

Ross: Joey cried last night.
Joey: Thank you.
Ross: We were playing poker-
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, all right.
Ross: Oh, God, you should have seen him. "Read them and weep!"
Chandler: And then he did.

Rachel: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us?
Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play?
Ross: No, women are welcome to play.
Phoebe: Oh. So then, what is it? Some kind of, like, you know. Some kind of, you know, like- All right, what is it?

Rachel: Sorry to break up this party, but I've got to go fax resumes before work.
Chandler: Whoa, we've got to settle.
Rachel: Settle what?
Chandler: The Jamestown colony of Virginia. See, King George is giving us the land.
Ross: The game, Rachel. The game. You owe us money for the game.

Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time. Why don't we just forget about the money?
Monica: Hell, no. We'll pay!
Phoebe: Monica, I had another answer all ready.

Monica: What's the job?
Rachel: Assistant buyer. I would be shopping! For a living!

Monica: Let's play poker!
Joey: All right, listen, we talked about it and if you don't wanna play, we completely understand.
Chandler: Yes, we can play some other game. Like, I don't know, Pictionary? [The guys all duck down away from Monica.]
Monica: Very funny.

Phoebe: All right, here's my $7.50. But this money is cursed.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Oh, I cursed it! Now bad things will happen to he who spends it.
Chandler: That's all right. I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way, I can break them up with a movie.

Rachel: It's so typical. "I'm a man! I have a penis! Ooh, I have to win money to exert my power over women!"