TV Quotes

Ross: Uh, Rach, did you proofread these?
Rachel: Yeah. Why?
Ross: Nothing. I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent "compuper" skills.
Rachel: Oh, my God! Do you think it's on all of them?
Joey: Oh, no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few of them.

Monica: All right, here we go. We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica. What are you doing? This is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable. It's got to be like chips or dip or pretz-

Rachel: Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being?
Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.
Phoebe: [laughs]
Monica: What?
Phoebe: "Hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black!"
Monica: Please! I'm not as bad as Ross. I beg to differ.
Rachel: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident?
Monica: That was not an incident. I was gesturing and the plate slipped out of my hand.

Rachel: Oh! I got an interview!
Monica: You're kidding! Where?
Rachel: Saks Fifth Avenue.
Monica: Oh, Rachel!
Phoebe: It's like the mother ship is calling you home.

Rachel: Guys, guess what?
Chandler: Ah, what could it be? The fifth dentist caved, and now they're all recommending Trident?

Ross: All right. Your money's mine, Green.
Rachel: Your fly's open, Geller.

Ross: That's fine with me. Could use some money.
Rachel: So, basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from your friends.
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from IKEA. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.

Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? Joker is poker with a "J"! Coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that's jo-incidence with a "C"!

Ross: Rach, we're running low on resumes over here.
Monica: Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics?
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.

Rachel: I can't be a waitress anymore. I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy tips. I'm sick of being called "Excuse Me."