TV Quotes

Ross: Uh, Rach, did you proofread these?
Rachel: Yeah. Why?
Ross: Nothing. I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent "compuper" skills.
Rachel: Oh, my God! Do you think it's on all of them?
Joey: Oh, no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few of them.

Monica: All right, here we go. We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica. What are you doing? This is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable. It's got to be like chips or dip or pretz-

Ross: That's fine with me. Could use some money.
Rachel: So, basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from your friends.
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from KEA. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.

Rachel: Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being?
Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.
Phoebe: [laughs]
Monica: What?
Phoebe: "Hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black!"
Monica: Please! I'm not as bad as Ross. I beg to differ.
Rachel: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident?
Monica: That was not an incident. I was gesturing and the plate slipped out of my hand.

Rachel: Oh! I got an interview!
Monica: You're kidding! Where?
Rachel: Saks Fifth Avenue.
Monica: Oh, Rachel!
Phoebe: It's like the mother ship is calling you home.

Rachel: Guys, guess what?
Chandler: Ah, what could it be? The fifth dentist caved, and now they're all recommending Trident?

Ross: All right. Your money's mine, Green.
Rachel: Your fly's open, Geller.

Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? Joker is poker with a "J"! Coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that's jo-incidence with a "C"!

Ross: Rach, we're running low on resumes over here.
Monica: Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics?
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.

Rachel: I can't be a waitress anymore. I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy tips. I'm sick of being called "Excuse Me."

Rachel: Hi, ladies. Can I get you anything? Did you bring the mail?
Monica: Lots of responses.
Rachel: Really? Sure, we have scones left! Okay, read them to me.
Phoebe: "Dear Miss Greene: Thank you for your inquiry.However-". Oh.
Rachel: We have apple cinnamon-
Monica: Okay, "Dear Ms. Greene." Yeah, yeah! No.
Phoebe: Wow.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Your Visa bill is huge!

Chandler: You know, I can't believe you. Linda's so great. Why won't you go out with her again?
Ross: I don't know.
Chandler: ls this still about her "The Flintstones could have really happened" thing?

Ross: Joey cried last night.
Joey: Thank you.
Ross: We were playing poker-
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, all right.
Ross: Oh, God, you should have seen him. "Read them and weep!"
Chandler: And then he did.

Rachel: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us?
Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play?
Ross: No, women are welcome to play.
Phoebe: Oh. So then, what is it? Some kind of, like, you know. Some kind of, you know, like- All right, what is it?

Rachel: Sorry to break up this party, but I've got to go fax resumes before work.
Chandler: Whoa, we've got to settle.
Rachel: Settle what?
Chandler: The Jamestown colony of Virginia. See, King George is giving us the land.
Ross: The game, Rachel. The game. You owe us money for the game.

Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time. Why don't we just forget about the money?
Monica: Hell, no. We'll pay!
Phoebe: Monica, I had another answer all ready.

Monica: What's the job?
Rachel: Assistant buyer. I would be shopping! For a living!

Monica: Let's play poker!
Joey: All right, listen, we talked about it and if you don't wanna play, we completely understand.
Chandler: Yes, we can play some other game. Like, I don't know, Pictionary? [The guys all duck down away from Monica.]
Monica: Very funny.

Phoebe: All right, here's my $7.50. But this money is cursed.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Oh, I cursed it! Now bad things will happen to he who spends it.
Chandler: That's all right. I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way, I can break them up with a movie.

Rachel: It's so typical. "I'm a man! I have a penis! Ooh, I have to win money to exert my power over women!"

Monica: You know what? This is not over. We will play you again. And we will win. And you will lose. And you will beg. And you will laugh. And we will take every last dime you have. And you will hate yourselves forever!
Rachel: Huh. Kind of stepped on my point there, Mon.

Rachel: I won! I actually won! Oh, my God! You know what? I'll make a little Ross pile. Look! I think that one was Ross's. And I think that one was Ross's. [singing] Well, I have got your money, And you'll never see it, And your fly's still open, Ha I made you look.

Rachel: I see your $25 and ... Monica, get my purse.
Monica: Rachel, there's nothing in it.
Rachel: Okay, then get me your purse.

Ross: I am calling your 17. What do you got?
Rachel: Full house.
Ross: You got me.
Joey: That's all right. That's a tough hand to beat.
Chandler: I thought we had it!
Ross: Well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards. But look how happy she is.
[Joey and Chandler try look at Ross's hand, he stops them looking at the cards]

Chandler: Airport. Airport '75! Airport '77! Airport '79!
Rachel: Time's up!
Monica: Bye Bye Birdie!
Joey: What?
Phoebe: That's a bird? That's a bird!
Rachel: Okay, okay, it's my turn. Go!
Ross: Bean! Bean!
Joey: The Unbearable Lightness of Being!
Monica: That you get? That you get?!
[Monica picks up her glass. Everybody else ducks.]