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‘The One with the Race Car Bed’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Friends: The One with the Race Car Bed

307. The One with the Race Car Bed

Aired November 7, 1996

When Monica buys a new bed from Janice's ex-husband's store, she doesn't get the bed she expected. Meanwhile, Rachel and Ross go out for dinner with her father, and Joey teaches a soap opera acting class.

Quote from Dr. Green

Dr. Green: You know what's really good here? The lobster. What do you say, shall I just order three?
Ross: Yeah. If you're really hungry. It was a joke. I made a joke.
Rachel: Actually, Daddy, Ross is allergic to lobster.
Dr. Green: What kind of person's allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works in a library.
Ross: It's not-
Dr. Green: I know. It's a museum! You're the only who can make a joke? At least mine was funny. Waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. [gestures apologetically]

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Quote from Dr. Green

Ross: So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat?
Dr. Green: They found rust. Do you know what rust does to a boat?
Ross: Gives it a nice antique-y look?
Dr. Green: Rust is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross: Wow, I'm sorry. When I was a kid, I lost a bike to that.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: What?
Ross: I'm sorry. It's just-
Dr. Green: Ross? What's with the neck?
Rachel: He's got this thing and I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor.
Dr. Green: You still going to that chiropractor? The man couldn't get into med school in lxtapa!
Ross: Thank you. That's what I keep saying.

Quote from Joey

Joey: There will come a time in each of your careers when you'll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent present. And I'm ashamed to say that I took it. I advised a fellow actor to play a role ... homosexually. We both auditioned for the part and, as it turned out, they they liked the stupid "gay" thing and cast him. And now he's got a two-year contract opposite Susan Lucci, the first lady of daytime television. And me? Me, I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV.

Quote from Gunther

Gunther: [inner monologue] What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: [humming in his head]
Phoebe: [inner monologue] Who's singing?

Quote from Monica

Chandler: What a wank.
Janice: I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell mattresses.
Monica: I know. At $499 for a pillow-top queen, who cares about the divorce? Those babies will sell themselves. And I'm appalled for you, by the way.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Okay, Daddy. We'll see you tomorrow night. Okay, bye-bye.
Ross: "We"?
Rachel: -are having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night. I hope that's okay.
Ross: Oh, shoot. Tomorrow's not good. I'm supposed to fall off the Empire State Building and land on a bicycle with no seat, so...

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Ross, my father doesn't hate you.
Ross: Please. He refers to me as "Wet-Head."

Quote from Joey

Joey: It's not a part. I'm teaching Acting for Soap Operas at the Learning Extension.
Ross: Come on. That's great.
Joey: It's, like, my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Ross: You know, you're probably not allowed to sleep with your students.
Joey: [stares blankly] I know.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: I don't know, Monica. It feels funny just being here. If you buy a bed from Janice's ex-husband, it's like betraying Chandler.
Monica: Not at these prices.

Quote from Phoebe

[to a kid sitting on a race car bed]
Phoebe: You know, in England this car would be on the other side of the store. Whoosh!

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: This is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.
Phoebe: Monica, it still feels so weird, you know? Chandler's your friend. Oh, my God. All right, take this bed. You can make other friends.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Now on my first day as Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days Of Our Lives, I learned one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting. This does not mean acting again.
It means you don't have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes something like this. [nods, gasps] Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Quote from Joey

Joey: By the way, before I forget. To work in soap operas, some of you are gonna have to become much more attractive.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Oh, and I got an audition for All My Children. It's this great part. This boxer named Nick. And I'm so, so right for it. He's just like me. Except that he's a boxer ... and has an evil twin.

Quote from Phoebe

Delivery Man: Hear ye, hear ye. Delivery from the Mattress King. You Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Okay.
Delivery Man: Sign here.
Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name? All right. Monica "Felula" Geller.

Quote from Phoebe

Delivery Man: Which bedroom do you want it in, Ms. Geller?
Phoebe: It's the compulsively neat one by the window.

Quote from Dr. Green

Rachel: Hi, Daddy.
Dr. Green: This is where they put us? What? There was no table in the kitchen?

Quote from Dr. Green

Rachel: You remember Ross.
Ross: Nice to see you again, Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: So, how's the library?
Ross: Uh, museum.
Dr. Green: What happened to the library?
Ross: There never was a library. I mean, there are libraries. It's just that I've never worked at one.

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