‘The One with the Race Car Bed’
Season 3, Episode 7 - Aired November 7, 1996
When Monica buys a new bed from Janice's ex-husband's store, she doesn't get the bed she expected. Meanwhile, Rachel and Ross go out for dinner with her father, and Joey teaches a soap opera acting class.
Quote from Ross
Rachel: What?
Ross: I'm sorry. It's just-
Dr. Green: Ross? What's with the neck?
Rachel: He's got this thing and I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor.
Dr. Green: You still going to that chiropractor? The man couldn't get into med school in lxtapa!
Ross: Thank you. That's what I keep saying.
Quote from Joey
Joey: There will come a time in each of your careers when you'll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent present. And I'm ashamed to say that I took it. I advised a fellow actor to play a role ... homosexually. We both auditioned for the part and, as it turned out, they they liked the stupid "gay" thing and cast him. And now he's got a two-year contract opposite Susan Lucci, the first lady of daytime television. And me? Me, I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV.
Quote from Dr. Green
Dr. Green: You know what's really good here? The lobster. What do you say, shall I just order three?
Ross: Yeah. If you're really hungry. It was a joke. I made a joke.
Rachel: Actually, Daddy, Ross is allergic to lobster.
Dr. Green: What kind of person's allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works in a library.
Ross: It's not-
Dr. Green: I know. It's a museum! You're the only who can make a joke? At least mine was funny. Waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. [gestures apologetically]
Quote from Dr. Green
Ross: So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat?
Dr. Green: They found rust. Do you know what rust does to a boat?
Ross: Gives it a nice antique-y look?
Dr. Green: Rust is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross: Wow, I'm sorry. When I was a kid, I lost a bike to that.
Quote from Gunther
Gunther: [inner monologue] What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.
Quote from Phoebe
Delivery Man: Hear ye, hear ye. Delivery from the Mattress King. You Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Okay.
Delivery Man: Sign here.
Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name? All right. Monica "Felula" Geller.
Quote from Dr. Green
Rachel: Hi, Daddy.
Dr. Green: This is where they put us? What? There was no table in the kitchen?
Quote from Ross
Dr. Green: Wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
Ross: You don't need that.
Dr. Green: Why not?
Ross: I mean, the carbon. It's messy. I mean, gets on your fingers and causes the ... night blindness.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor. So if I have a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers and just start pulling.
Quote from Phoebe
Joey: [humming in his head]
Phoebe: [inner monologue] Who's singing?