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The One with All the Resolutions

‘The One with All the Resolutions’

Season 5, Episode 11 - Aired January 7, 1999

With a new year approaching, the group make their resolutions. Ross vows to try something new every day, which leads to an unfortunate incident with a pair of leather pants. Rachel vows to stop gossiping just as she learns some surprising news about her friends.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, look. I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win. Okay? Here. Pheebs, flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so you can get back to your home planet. And Ross, phone call for you today. Tom Jones. He wants his pants back. And Hornswoggle? What, are you dating a character from Fraggle Rock? [groans]


Quote from Chandler

Ross: You know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room or ...?

Quote from Ross

Ross: I see lotion. I have lotion. Will that work?
Joey: Yeah, sure. Throw some of that on there.
Ross: Hold on.
Joey: Ross, you okay?
Ross: They're still not coming on, man. And the lotion and the powder have made a paste!
Joey: Really? Uh, what color is it?
Ross: What difference does that make?
Joey: Well, if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Listen, who are you kissing at midnight? Rachel or Phoebe?
Ross: What?
Joey: You gotta kiss someone. You can't kiss your sister.
Ross: Well, who's gonna kiss my sister?
Joey: Chandler.
Ross: Oh, man! Really?
Joey: Dude. Who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?
Ross: That's a good point. Well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Joey: Pheebs, Pheebs. Listen. Ross wants to kiss you at midnight.
Phoebe: So obvious. Why doesn't he just ask?
Joey: Rach, Rach. Listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.
Rachel: What?
Joey: Well everyone's got to kiss someone. You can't kiss Ross. You got the history.
Rachel: So?
Joey: So, who would you rather have kissing you, me or Chandler?
Rachel: Oh, good point.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Every day I am gonna do one thing I have never done before. That is my New Year's resolution.
Phoebe: Ooh, that's a good one. Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That's a good one, too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people whose resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

Quote from Ross

Joey: I think they look really good. Where'd you get them?
Ross: See, I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store I go by that always smells so good. And I thought to myself: "Wow. I've never owned a really good-smelling pair of pants before."
Chandler: Oh, come on.

Quote from Ross

Ross: You know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "No divorces in '99!"
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99!

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Maybe your resolution should be not to make fun of your friends. Especially the ones who might fly you to Europe for free on their own plane.
Monica: She has a better chance of flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.
Ross: In fact, I'll bet you $50 you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Better yet, a week.
Chandler: I'll take that bet, my friend. And you know what, paying me the $50 can be the "new thing you do" that day. And it starts right now.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Look. Claire forgot her glasses. She's going to really be needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend. Who, from what I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Monica: Hey, Rach, maybe your resolution should be to gossip less.
Rachel: What? I don't gossip.
[Chandler and Joey laugh]
Rachel: Maybe sometimes I find out things. Or I hear something and I pass that information on. You know, kind of like a public service. It doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you cal Ted Koppel a gossip?
Monica: Well, if Ted Koppel talked about his coworkers' botched boob jobs, I would.
Rachel: Well, they were like this!

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: All right, Phoebe, I am ready for my first lesson.
Phoebe: No, you don't touch the guitar. First you learn here, then you learn here.
Joey: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay. Lesson one: Chords. Now, um, I don't know the actual names of the chords. But I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. So then this is "Bear Claw", "Turkey Leg" and "Old Lady."

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