Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The One with the Embyros’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Embyros

412. The One with the Embyros

Aired January 15, 1998

After Chandler and Joey claim to know Monica and Rachel better than they know the guys, Ross devises a trivia contest which escalates into a high-stakes battle for the girls' apartment. Meanwhile, Phoebe heads to the fertility clinic to try help Frank and Alice with their dream of being parents.

Quote from Monica

Ross: "Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?"
Monica: Maurice.
Ross: "His profession was?"
Rachel: Space cowboy!
Ross: "What is Chandler Bing's job?" [silence]
Rachel: Oh, gosh, it has something to do with numbers.
Monica: And processing.
Rachel: He carries a briefcase.
Ross: Ten seconds. You need this or you lose the game.
Monica: It has something to do with transponding.
Rachel: Oh, oh! He's a transpon- transponster.
Monica: That's not even a word!

Rate

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Ladies?
Monica: Same category.
Ross: "According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejesus out of him?"
Monica: Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance.
Ross: That is correct.
Joey: The lrish jig guy?
Chandler: His legs flail about as if independent from his body!

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: We'll take "Literature."
Ross: "Every week the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey's apartment. What name appears on the address label?"
Rachel: Chandler gets it. It's Chandler Bing.
Monica: No!
Ross: I'm afraid the TV Guide comes to "Chanandler Bong."
Monica: I knew that. Rachel, use your head.
Chandler: Actually, it's Ms. Chanandler Bong.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Look, I hate this as much as you, but if it makes you feel any better this is all your fault.
Rachel: What?
Monica: Chanandler Bong. Come on, we steal that TV Guide every week.
Chandler: I knew it!

Quote from Chandler

[rooster crows]
Rachel: What the hell is that?! What the hell is that? Is that you? [groans]
Monica: Boy, you are really not a morning person.
Rachel: Just back off! [pounding on Chandler and Joey's apartment door] Get up! Get up! Get up! What is that noise?
Chandler: You.
Joey: It's the chick. She's going through some changes.
Monica: What kind of changes?
Chandler: The vet seems to think she's becoming a rooster. [rooster crows] We're getting a second opinion.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: I'm so not impressed. Everybody snacks when they shop.
Joey: Oh, yeah? Ross, how many items left in that bag?
Ross: Five.
Chandler: Okay, 10 bucks says we can name every item in that bag.
Rachel: How many guesses do you get?
Joey: Six.
Ross: Challenge extended.
Monica: Deal.
Ross: Challenge accepted.
Joey: All right, we'll start with apples.
Ross: We'll be starting with apples.
Chandler: Stop that now.
Ross: Yes.
Joey: Okay. Tortilla chips. Yogurt.
Chandler: Diet soda.
Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Chandler: Orange juice.
Rachel: Oh, there's no orange juice in there. We win!
Ross: They have another guess.
Rachel: Well, we won that one.
Joey: Okay. The last thing is-
Chandler: Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Joey: No. Not for like another two weeks.
Chandler: I got it. Scotch tape.
Ross: How did you know she would buy Scotch tape?
Chandler: Well we used up theirs last night making scary faces.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Hey, what are you doing shopping at 8 in the morning?
Rachel: Well, I've been up since 6 thanks to somebody's dumb-ass rooster.
Phoebe: You guys, you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldn't be living in an apartment.
Rachel: Yeah, especially not with all these knives and cookbooks around.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Gentlemen, you're up first. You have 30 seconds. The lightning round begins - Stop it! - Now.
"What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?"
Joey: Big Fat Goalie.
Ross: Correct! "Rachel claims this is her favorite movie."
Chandler: Dangerous Liaisons.
Ross: "Her actual favorite movie is?"
Joey: Weekend at Bernie's.
Ross: Correct. "In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?"
Chandler: Oh! [whispers in Ross's ear]
Ross: Ew! No! Her ear. All right, "Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there?"
Joey: Everyday use.
Chandler: Fancy.
Joey: Guest.
Chandler: Fancy guest.
Ross: Two seconds.
Joey: Uh, eleven?
Ross: Unbelievable. Eleven is correct.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Are you in there, little fetus? In nine months will you come greet us? I will buy you some Adidas.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: You guys, you're going to have a baby. They're going to have a baby!
Frank: My sister's going to have my baby!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: All right, I'm going to go take a pregnancy test now.
Joey: Oh, wow. You can tell this soon?
Phoebe: Well, the doctor says it takes a couple of days. But my body's always been a little faster than Western medicine, so...

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Okay, I'm going to go to the doctor and see if I'm ready to have Frank and Alice's embryo transferred into my uterus.
Ross: How will they know if you're ready?
Phoebe: Oh, they'll just see if my endometrial layer is thick.
Chandler: I can check that for you.
Phoebe: Okay, everyone. Think "thick."

Quote from Ross

Monica: I just can't believe you think you and Chandler know me and Rachel better than we know you.
Chandler: Well, we do. You can only eat Tic Tacs in even numbers.
Joey: Yeah, what's that about? And you. Ross, if you check Rachel's bag I believe you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
Ross: You're good. [eats a cookie] These are not.

Quote from Ross

Monica: That does not mean you know us better. I want a rematch.
Rachel: Yeah, and none of these stupid grocery questions. Real, personal questions.
Monica: Yeah. And the winner gets $100.
Joey: Serious?
Monica: Are you scared?
Joey: No. Who makes up the questions?
Monica: Ross will do it.
Ross: Oh, sure, Ross will do it. It's not like he has a job or a child or a life of his own.
Rachel: Fine. We'll ask Phoebe.
Ross: No, I want to play.

Quote from Phoebe

Doctor: It'll take a little while to prepare the embryos.
Phoebe: Embryos? As in more than one?
Doctor: Five, actually.
Phoebe: Five? Okay, where am I giving birth in a hospital or a big box under the stairs?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Well maybe there's something I can do to make sure I get pregnant.
Doctor: No, I'm sorry.
Phoebe: Wow, you guys really don't know anything.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Okay, a coin toss to decide who goes first. [Ross flips a coin, everyone watches it land] Okay, somebody call it this time!

Quote from Joey

Ross: Gentlemen, pick your category.
Chandler: "Fears and Pet Peeves."
Ross: "What is Monica's biggest pet peeve?"
Joey: Animals dressed as humans.
Ross: That's correct.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Gentlemen, your pick.
Joey: "It's all Relative."
Ross: "Monica and I had a grandmother who died. You both went to her funeral. Name that grandmother."
Joey: Nana?
Chandler: She has a real name.
Joey: Althea!
Chandler: Althea? What are you doing?
Joey: I took a shot.
Chandler: You're shooting with Althea?
Ross: Althea is correct.
Chandler: Nice shooting!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hello, teeny embryos. I'm Phoebe Buffay. Hi. I'm hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. We're doing this for Frank and Alice who you know, you've been there. You know, they want you so much. So when you guys get in there, really grab on. And, okay, I promise that I'll keep you safe and warm until you're ready to have them take you home. Next time you see me, if I'm screaming, don't worry. That's what's supposed to happen.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: All right. We have a tie. Luckily, I've prepared for such an event. The lightning round! Thirty seconds. All the questions you can answer.
Monica: You guys are dead. I am so good at lightning rounds.
Chandler: I majored in lightning rounds, all right? We're going to destroy you.
Monica: Want to bet?
Chandler: Oh, I'm so confused as to what we've been doing so far.

Quote from Ross

Monica: How about we play for more money? Say 150?
Ross: One hundred and fifty dollars.
Chandler: Say 200?
Ross: Two hundred dollars!
Monica: You're doing it again.
Ross: Excuse me.

Quote from Monica

Monica: I got it. How about if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster.
Rachel: Ooh, that's interesting.
Joey: Hey, hey, hey. No way! That rooster's family.
Rachel: Throw in the duck too.
Joey: What do you have against the duck? He doesn't make any noise.
Rachel: Well, he gets the other one all riled up.
Joey: Look, we are not-
Chandler: All right, hold on. If you win we give up the bird. [Joey gasps] But if we win we get your apartment.
Joey: Ooh.
Monica: Deal!

Quote from Ross

Ross: Ladies, you're up! Thirty seconds on the clock. Five correct questions wins the game. The lightning round begins now.
"What is Joey's favorite food?"
Monica: Sandwiches.
Ross: Correct. "Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?"
Rachel: 14?
Ross: No, 19.
Chandler: Thanks, man.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I call Monica's room.
Chandler: You can't just call Monica's room.
Joey: Sure I can. Standard shotgun rules. I'm in sight of the room and I called it.
Chandler: [mouths] Damn!

Quote from Chandler

Monica: I feel like I'm coming down with something. I bet you can't guess what color my tonsils are. I bet the apartment.
Chandler: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. It's too nice.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: It turns out the odds are, like, really sucky. And this is Frank and Alice's, like, only shot. They are, like, literally putting all their eggs in my basket.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Nope, not knocked up yet.
Monica: It's only been a couple hours.
Phoebe: Meanwhile, I'll do whatever I can to help this. I'm just going to, you know, lie in your chair, okay? Good. I'm going to let gravity do its job.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Put that box down. We are not going anywhere. This is my apartment and I like it. This is a girl's apartment. That is a boy's apartment. It's dirty and it smells. This is pretty. It's so pretty. And look, it's purple. And I'm telling you, you with your steady hand, I am not moving. And now I have got the steady hand. [Rachel holds out a shaky hand]

Quote from Ross

Monica: Hey. We'd still be living here if you hadn't got the question wrong.
Rachel: Well, it was a stupid, unfair question.
Ross: Don't blame the questions!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Would you all stop yelling in our apartment. You are ruining moving day for us.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: I can't find garbage bags.
Rachel: Oh, I think I saw some in here. Argh!
Monica: What is it?
Rachel: I don't know. But maybe if we keep that drawer shut, it'll die.
Monica: I can't believe we're living here.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Argh!
Chandler: What? What is it?
Joey: Did you see the size of the closets?
Chandler: I can't believe we live here!


 Episode 411 Episode 413 
  Select another episode