TV Quotes

Phoebe: Mr. Heckles, no. No one is making any noise up here.
Mr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice.
Phoebe: You don't play the oboe.
Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe.
Phoebe: Then I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it down.

Ross: So how many more do you have tomorrow?
Chandler: Two. This photographer who seemed really dull and this actor guy who I'm not sure about. Because when he called and I answered the phone, "Chandler Bing", he said, "Whoa, short message!"

Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has slept with who of the six of you?
Phoebe: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.

Ross: I'm sorry, the answer there would be none of us.
Janice: Come on. Over the years, none of you ever got drunk and stupid?
Joey: Well, that's really a different question.

Janice: I'm sorry. I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.
Joey: There was that one time Monica and Rachel got together.
Monica: What?
Rachel: Excuse me, there was no "time."
Joey: Okay, but let's say there was. How might that go?

Monica: I'll be back in just a minute. Phoebe, I'm sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Phoebe: You didn't leave lipstick marks on the phone.
Monica: Oh. Then it must have been you.
Phoebe: Bye-bye. That's why I moved out.

Ross: Hey, while we're on that when are you gonna tell my sister that you don't live here anymore?
Monica: I think on some level, she already knows.
Ross: Phoebe, she doesn't know you sneak out every night. She doesn't know that you sneak back every morning. And she doesn't know that you've been living at your grandmother's for a week now.
Phoebe: Okay, well, maybe not on those levels.

Chandler: I'm never gonna find a roommate. Ever.
Phoebe: Nobody good?
Chandler: Well, let's see. There was the guy with the ferrets. That's plural. The spitter. Oh, yes, and the guy who enjoyed my name so much he made a little noise every time he said it. "Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing. Bing!" "Great apartment, Chandler Bing. Bing!"

Joey: Don't you wanna ask me any questions?
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Joey: Well, I'm an actor. I'm fairly neat. I got my own TV. Oh, and don't worry, I'm totally okay with the gay thing.
Chandler: What gay thing?
Joey: Just, you know, in general. The whole "people-being-gay" thing.

Chandler: Hey, Mon.
Monica: Wanna hear something that sucks?
Chandler: Do I ever.
Monica: Chris says they're closing the bar.
Chandler: No way.
Monica: Yeah, apparently they're turning it into some sort of coffee place.
Chandler: Just coffee? Where are we gonna hang out now?
Monica: You got me.