Phoebe: Mr. Heckles, no. No one is making any noise up here.
Mr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice.
Phoebe: You don't play the oboe.
Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe.
Phoebe: Then I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it down.

Ross: So how many more do you have tomorrow?
Chandler: Two. This photographer who seemed really dull and this actor guy who I'm not sure about. Because when he called and I answered the phone, "Chandler Bing", he said, "Whoa, short message!"

Chandler: I'm never gonna find a roommate. Ever.
Phoebe: Nobody good?
Chandler: Well, let's see. There was the guy with the ferrets. That's plural. The spitter. Oh, yes, and the guy who enjoyed my name so much he made a little noise every time he said it. "Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing. Bing!" "Great apartment, Chandler Bing. Bing!"

Chandler: Hey, Mon.
Monica: Wanna hear something that sucks?
Chandler: Do I ever.
Monica: Chris says they're closing the bar.
Chandler: No way.
Monica: Yeah, apparently they're turning it into some sort of coffee place.
Chandler: Just coffee? Where are we gonna hang out now?
Monica: You got me.

Monica: Did you pick a roommate?
Chandler: You bet.
Monica: Is it the ltalian guy?
Chandler: Yeah, right.
Monica: He's so cute.
Chandler: Oh, yes. That's what I want. A roommate I can walk around with and be referred to as "the funny one."

Monica: Oh, my God. What the hell are you doing?
Joey: You said, "You wanna come in for some lemonade?"
Monica: So?
Joey: Ah. Were you just gonna give me lemonade?
Monica: Yeah-huh. Cover yourself up.
Joey: Oh, right. Sorry.
Monica: God, I don't believe this. Someone asks you in for lemonade and to you that means they want to have sex?
Joey: Usually, yeah. Well, not just lemonade. Iced tea, sometimes juice. Look, sorry. I just- I thought you liked me. I'm such a jerk.
Monica: It's okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone. Not anyone I know, but- By the way, I can still see it.

Monica: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: I'm sorry. I don't live here anymore. I didn't know how to tell you. But, you know, everybody else knows.
Monica: Everybody knows?
Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing. I forget why.

Phoebe: Monica, do you know I couldn't sleep for, like, a month because I got a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions?
Monica: You could've just turned the cushion over.
Phoebe: I would have, except I had a big spaghetti stain on the other side.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Okay, this is what I'm talking about. I need to live in a land where people can spill.
Monica: Well, you can spill. In the sink.
Phoebe: Oh, honey. It's not your fault, you know. This is who you are. And I love you. And I want us to be friends. And if I stay here, I don't see that happening.

Monica: Honey, you okay?
Ross: My wife's a lesbian.
Joey: Cool.
Chandler: Ross, Joey. Joey, Ross.

Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has slept with who of the six of you?
Phoebe: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.