TV Quotes

Ross: Amy, l- I just- I just wanna-
Amy: What? What are you gonna do?
Ross: No more falafel for you!

Ross: Charlie, this is Rachel's sister Amy. Amy, this is Charlie.
Charlie: Hi. Nice to meet you.
Amy: Hi, hi. And you are?
Ross: Ross? I grew up on your block? We had Thanksgiving together last year? I had a baby with your sister?
Amy: No. I- Did I buy a falafel from you yesterday?
Ross: Yes. Yes, you did.

Chandler: Hello, this is Chandler Bing. Someone just dropped off a handwritten recommendation letter and- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. Thank you. Goodbye.
Monica: We're screwed, aren't we? You know what? Just tell me on the way to the bird store.
Chandler: They loved it.
Monica: What?
Chandler: They thought it was very smart of us to have a child write the recommendation letter.
Monica: They thought Joey was a child?
Chandler: She guessed 8, 9, based on his drawings.

Phoebe: Where are you going?
Mike: I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Phoebe: Well, I think you should wait.
Mike: Why?
Phoebe: Well, if you don't hold it in, you don't get all the nutrients.
Announcer: Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the scoreboard. Someone has a special question to ask.
Phoebe: Mike Hannigan, will you marry me?
Announcer: Get a load of this. She's proposing to him! Guess we know who wears the pants in that family.
Phoebe: Well, that's not very enlightened. Hey! Hey! Boo us? Boo you!

Chandler: I don't understand.
Joey: Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?
Monica: It doesn't make any sense.
Joey: Well, of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.
Chandler: On every word?
Joey: Yep.
Monica: All right, what was this sentence originally?
Joey: Oh. "They are warm, nice people with big hearts."
Chandler: And that became, "They are humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."
Joey: Yeah. Yeah. And hey, I really mean it, dude.
Monica: All right, Joey, I don't think we can use this.
Joey: Why not?
Monica: Well, because you signed it: "Baby Kangaroo Tribbiani."

Joey: Hello? Yeah, this is Joey Tribbiani. Oh, hi. Well, I'm glad you liked my letter. No, my mommy and daddy aren't home right now. Okay, bye-bye. She was nice.

Monica: Why don't you stop worrying about sounding smart and just be yourself.
Chandler: You know what, you don't need a thesaurus. Just write from here. Your full-sized aortic pump.

Rachel: You know, I'm thinking about letting Emma have her first cookie.
Joey: Her first cookie? She has cookies all the time.
Rachel: I've never given her a cookie. Have you?
Joey: No. No. And for the record, I've also never given her frosting from a can.

Monica: Hey, Rach, the adoption agency needs letters of recommendation and we wondered if you would write one for us?
Rachel: Of course. I would be honored.
Chandler: Thanks.
Monica: Thank you.
Joey: Ahem. I think there's been an oversight.
Chandler: Joe, we would have asked you. We just thought you wouldn't be interested.
Monica: Yeah, it's just that we don't think of you as really being so much with the words.
Joey: Wha-He-Wha-He-
Monica: Clearly, we were wrong.

Joey: I got a lot of nice stuff to say about you guys, okay? And I know how much you want to have a baby and I would love to help you get one.
Monica: You know what? Then, Joey, we want you to do it.
Joey: Thank you. All right. Let me see how I'm gonna start. "Dear Baby Adoption Decider People"
Chandler: So excited about your letter.

Monica: Wow, don't you look nice.
Phoebe: Yes, I do. Today's Mike and my one-year anniversary.
Rachel: What's it the anniversary of? Your first date, your first kiss, first time you had sex?
Phoebe: Yeah.

Amy: Rachel, open up. It's your sister. I have to talk to you.
Ross: Hi, Amy.
Amy: You're not Rachel.
Ross: Still sharp as a tack.

Rachel: So, now, what are you doing here?
Amy: Well, I have huge news.
Rachel: Oh, sorry. Hold on. Let me check on the baby.
Amy: This is important. Can't Ella wait?
Ross: Uh, her name is Emma.
Amy: Why did you change it? Ella was so much prettier.
Ross: What do I know? I just sell Middle Eastern food from a cart.
Amy: Hey, your English is getting better.

Ross: Oh, my God.
Joey: I know. She may be the hottest girl I've ever hated.

Ross: What you working on?
Joey: Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart, but I don't know any big words or anything.
Ross: Why don't you use your thesaurus?
Joey: What did I just say?
Ross: Watch. Here, you highlight the word you want to change, go under "tools" and the thesaurus generates- Gives. Gives a whole list of choices. You can pick the word that sounds smartest.
Joey: My God, that's great. I'm smart. No, no, I'm: "Brainy, bright, clever." I love this thing! Look out, ladies! Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!

Joey: But we're getting rid of her, right? Please tell me we're getting rid of her?
Rachel: Joey, I can't do that.
Joey: Oh, come on. Last night I was finishing off a pizza, and she said: "Ooh, ooh, ooh. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips." I don't need that kind of talk in my house!

Rachel: Joey, look, I know that she's difficult but I think it's really good that she's here.
Joey: Because we'll appreciate it more when she's gone?
Rachel: No, it's just Look, you know, when I first moved to this city, I was a lot like her. I was spoiled, self-centered. And you guys really took care of me.
Joey: Yeah. Monica made us.

Amy: Uh. Sure you want to eat that?
Joey: I'm curvy and I like it!

Phoebe: Well, do you think I should propose?
Rachel: I think it could be kind of great.
Ross: Absolutely. You'll love the feeling. There's nothing like it.

Amy: Nana's on the phone.
Rachel: Wow. That's interesting, since she died seven years ago.
Amy: She did? Who got her condo in Boca?
Rachel: [on the phone] Hello? It's our nanny.

Rachel: That's Molly. She's sick. Can you watch Emma today?
Ross: I can't. I have back-to-back classes. Did Molly say what she had? Because my throat's been hurting.
Rachel: Menstrual cramps.
Ross: I don't think that's what this is.

Ross: I do not want her babysitting our child.
Rachel: Why not?
Ross: For one thing, she keeps calling her Ella.
Rachel: Ella's a nice name.
Ross: Fine, we'll call the next one Ella.
Rachel: The next one?

Rachel: Ross, I am trying to help her become a better person. This is a huge breakthrough for her. She just offered to do something for another human being. You know, I don't know. Ross, I'm telling you she's giving up getting her eyebrows shaped to do this, all right? Do you understand how important that is in our world?

Chandler: Hey, Joe, how's the second draft of the letter coming?
Joey: Great. I'm finished. In fact, I just dropped it off at the agency.
Monica: You dropped it off?
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: Can we read it? Can you print out another copy?
Joey: No can do, amigo. No, I didn't use the computer. It felt more personal to handwrite it.
Monica: You handwrote it?
Joey: Yeah, and don't worry. I didn't try to sound smart at all.

Rachel: You are so irresponsible! I am never letting you babysit again!
Amy: Hey, you know what? This kid needs me, okay? She needs to have a cool, fun aunt.
Monica: I'm a cool, fun aunt.
Amy: Okay.
Chandler: Hey! Monica can be cool and fun at organized indoor projects.

Mike: Great game, huh?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Mike: Why do you keep looking at the screen?
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. Please let the Knicks win. Thank you, Thor.

Amy: You know? When I moved in here, I thought, "This is going to be so great. Just us sisters back together again like when we were kids." Except without that stupid Jill. Oh. Who has gotten fat, by the way.
Rachel: Seriously?
Amy: Mom said she gained, like, 15 pounds.
Rachel: Hips or thighs?
Amy: Ass and face.
Rachel: Oh, my God! I thought she was on Atkins.
Amy: She was. Carbs found her.

Phoebe: But just so you know- However and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether, you know, it's at a basketball game or in skywriting or, you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake. It's in the cake, isn't it?
Mike: Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it?

Phoebe: What's the matter with me? Why do I keep ruining this? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Mike: No, it's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I want to do is tell you I love you, and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you- I'm gonna do this now.
Phoebe: Oh, my God.
Mike: Phoebe, l-
Phoebe: Wait. Oh, wait. Oh, no.
Mike: Ready?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no one else in the world I would ask to marry me three times.
But I want to take care of you, have babies with you and grow old with you. Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Yes.
Mike: I love you.
Phoebe: I love you more.
Mike: Not possible. She's gonna be Mrs. No Balls!