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‘The One That Could Have Been (Part 1)’ Quotes

Friends: The One That Could Have Been (Part 1)

615. The One That Could Have Been (Part 1)

Aired February 17, 2000

The gang ponders what might have been if Ross and Carol had stayed together, Monica was still heavy, Chandler had become a struggling writer, Joey still worked on Days of our Lives, Rachel had married Barry, and Phoebe had taken a job as a stockbroker.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Can you imagine if I'd married him? I mean, how different would my life be?
Ross: I know what you mean. I've always wondered how different my life would be if I'd never gotten divorced.
Phoebe: Which time?
Ross: The first time!

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Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: What if I'd taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Monica: What?
Rachel: Merrill Lynch?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and he said I had a knack for stocks.
Rachel: Well, why didn't you take the job?
Phoebe: Because at that time, you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So, I thought if I worked with stocks, I'd have to live in a box and only eat lox and have a pet fox.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I just cannot believe this. I mean, Joey Tribbiani.
Monica: It's none of my business, but aren't you married?
Rachel: Yeah. I wish we could just not be married for a little bit. You know, I just wish we could be, like, on a break.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Hey, you guys, guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce.
Joey: [to Ross] What is the matter with you?
Phoebe: No. Barry and Mindy.
Joey: Oh, sorry. I hear "divorce," I immediately go to Ross.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: Who's Barry and Mindy?
Rachel: Barry was the guy I almost married, and Mindy was my best friend.
Joey: Oh, wasn't he cheating on you with her?
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means he was falling asleep on her instead of me.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: I bet I'd still be doing my karate. Towards the end of our marriage, I was doing a lot of karate as a way of releasing the tension from, you know, not doing anything else physical.
Chandler: Maybe the problem was pronouncing it ka-ra-tay.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? I'd probably be writing for the New Yorker, being paid to be funny. But my job's fun too. I mean, tomorrow, I don't have to wear a tie.

Quote from Chandler

Roger: By the way, the answer is: The Brazil nut.
Chandler: Was his question, "What's more boring than him?"

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Oh, my God. Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives just walked in here.
Monica: Rach, he's a friend of ours.
Rachel: You're friends with Drake Ramoray?
Chandler: Well, it's kind of hard to be Drake's friend because of his busy schedule and the fact that he's not real.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Well, it's always nice to meet fans. [to Monica] She's not crazy, is she?
Monica: No.
Joey: So, how you doin'?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Go. Who's this? Oh, you're gonna like working for me. What's your name? What kind of name is Brindy? I, uh- Whatever. Stop talking. All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: No, there was a little, little dip in the market and I lost $13,000,000.
Chandler: But the Kit Kats are all right?
Phoebe: What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? I can't call my office, they'll kill me. I can't call my clients, they'll kill themselves. All right, now my chest hurts.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: My chest hurts. Ugh. And now, I can't breathe.
Chandler: Phoebe, are you having a heart attack?
Phoebe: Well, if I were, would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?
Monica: Yes.
Phoebe: Then, yes. That is what I'm having. [Phoebe takes another puff on her cigarette]

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Come on, Pheebs, it's not that bad. Most people would be excited if they didn't work for two weeks.
Phoebe: Most people don't like their jobs. I love my job. I've been not working for three hours, and I'm already going crazy. I miss Joan.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Honey, having a heart attack is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was nature's way of telling you to die. But you're not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but you're not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Let's take a walk. Maybe you should consider writing for Talking Out of Your Ass magazine.

Quote from Joey

Joey: What do you say we head back to my place?
Rachel: You know, I would really love to, but I shouldn't.
Joey: Why? Why can't the world stop turning? Just for a moment. Just for us.
Rachel: Isn't that a line from the show?
Joey: Yeah, but I may have said those things before, but I never truly meant them until now.
Rachel: That's from the show too.
Joey: Okay, you watch too much TV.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Here you go, Joe. Here's the freshly squeezed orange juice you asked for.
Joey: Thanks. Yeah, there's pulp in that.
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: I thought we talked about this. I don't like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isn't juice. All juice. Okay?
Chandler: I'm sorry. I guess I just like the pulp.
Joey: Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I am being so rude. Rachel, would you like a soda or something? Because Chandler will run right out and get it.
Rachel: Yeah, well, sure, iced tea would be great.
Joey: Iced tea.
Chandler: Okay. Anything for you, sir?
Joey: Did I not just tell him? Okay, look, Chandler, if this is gonna work you have got to listen.
You're gonna throw that juice at me?
Chandler: It's not all juice.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Chandler, I know you're mad. I'm sorry. I was a total jerk. Completely over the line. I just ... I hate pulp. I mean, you know how Monica feels about low-fat mayonnaise?
Monica: It's not mayonnaise!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and here.
Chandler: What's this?
Joey: Fresh squeezed orange juice, with pulp. Just the way you like.
Chandler: Thanks, man.
Monica: Hey, Joey? Chandler sold a story to "Archie Comics."
Joey: Oh, my God. That's great. Congratulations. What's the story?
Chandler: Oh, you wouldn't care. It's just a stupid comic book story.
Joey: Are you kidding me? I love Archie and the whole gang.
Chandler: Well, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy. But he doesn't want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assist- -as his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things, like bring him milk shakes that can't have lumps in them.
Joey: Wait a minute. That sounds a little familiar. Did they already do that one? Because I think I read it.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: It's not like I haven't had the opportunity. I mean, I'm just waiting for the perfect guy. See, I'm seeing this guy, Roger. He's not perfect, but I'm thinking maybe I should get it over with. You know, give him my flower.
Rachel: Oh, my God, do it. Honey, you've waited long enough.
Monica: You know what? You are right.
Rachel: Yes. Sex does not have to be a big deal. There shouldn't be all these rules and restrictions. You know, people should be able to sleep with whoever, whenever-
Monica: Rachel. I'm never going to think it's okay for you to cheat on your husband.
Rachel: Oh, what do you know, virgin?

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Phoebe? Why is smoke coming out of the bathroom?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, the doctor said that could be one of the side effects.
Monica: Phoebe, put the cigarette out.
Phoebe: No, it's not a cigarette. The smoke is coming out of me.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Hi, Joey? It's Rachel. I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: So it seems like this internet thing is going to stay, huh?
Monica: It's okay not to talk.


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