Phoebe: I mean, I don't know. I was looking in his eyes and I was just thinking, "Oh, my God, it's David. David's here." He's just- He's so irresistible.
Monica: Really? The scientist guy?
Phoebe: Really? Chandler?

Monica: Wow. Isn't it ironic that David would show up on the same day that you and Mike exchange keys?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Yeah. You know, and given my lifelong search for irony you can imagine how happy I am.

Chandler: Funniest guy she's ever met. I'm funny, right? What do you know? You're a door. You just like knock-knock jokes. Save it for inside.

Chandler: Hey, I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica's around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Joey: Ooh. I don't know, Chandler. I'm not so good with remembering lines.
Chandler: Well, thank God your livelihood doesn't depend on it.
Joey: I know, right?

David: Yes, but you should know, she really likes you. In fact, I don't think you realize just how lucky you are, fella.
Mike: Don't point your finger at me.
David: Why? What are you gonna do about it?
Mike: Well, I'll show you what I'm gonna do about it.
David: Oh, really? Really?
Mike: You want some of that?
Phoebe: Stop it! Stop it! Before someone gets really hurt. Here, David, you should just go.
David: All right. But if I ever do come back from Minsk, well, you just better watch out.
Mike: Well, if I ever go to Minsk, you better watch out.
David: Oh, you're going to Minsk?
Mike: Well, I might.
David: Really? Well, if you do, come in the spring. It's just lovely there.

Mike: This is cool, huh?
Phoebe: It really is.
Joey: Oh, I know it. It is amazing. These little things open doors.

Chandler: [hoarse] Hello. [coughs, hoarse] Hello.
Monica: I love my new job!
Chandler: Honey, you're screaming.
Monica: You bet your ass I am. I just had the best first day ever. The kitchen? Twice as big as Allessandro's.
Chandler: Oh, that's great.
Monica: And clean? Not just health department-clean, Monica-clean.
Chandler: Awesome.
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Jeffrey, he's the maitre d'. Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt the funniest guy I have ever met.
[Chandler bolts up in bed]

Phoebe: I'm sorry. It's obviously way too early for us to be having that conversation.
Mike: Is it?
Phoebe: Maybe not. Is it?
Mike: When I got divorced I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time.
Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you. And- This may be crazy-soon, but I want you to have this. No, not- That's gum. Oh, five bucks. I love it when that happens, you know? It's like, you don't know it's there-
Phoebe: I know, Mike. Why don't you keep digging?
Mike: Oh, sorry.
Phoebe: Oh. It's a key. To be honest, I think I'd prefer the five dollars.

[Monica laughs]
Chandler: See, that's funny with the fricken, right?
Monica: No, it just reminds me of something this guy did today at work. I told you about that funny guy, Jeffrey, right?
Chandler: Yeah, he came up.
Monica: Well, he did this bit. You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minnelli locked in our freezer eating a raw chicken.
[Phoebe laughs]
Chandler: Were you there?
Phoebe: No, but it sounds like it was fricken funny.

Joey: Why are we doing this?
Chandler: Monica says that her maitre d' is the funniest guy she's ever met.
Joey: Seriously? She actually said that?
Chandler: Yes. Am I crazy to be this upset?
Joey: No. Being funny's your thing.
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: Without that, you just got "lame with women"!