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‘The One with the Male Nanny’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Male Nanny

906. The One with the Male Nanny

Aired November 7, 2002

Ross is uneasy when Rachel hires a sensitive male nanny to look after Emma. Meanwhile, Chandler worries he is no longer the funniest man in Monica's life, and Phoebe is torn between Mike and her long-time flame David.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I mean, I don't know. I was looking in his eyes and I was just thinking, "Oh, my God, it's David. David's here." He's just- He's so irresistible.
Monica: Really? The scientist guy?
Phoebe: Really? Chandler?

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Quote from Joey

Mike: This is cool, huh?
Phoebe: It really is.
Joey: Oh, I know it. It is amazing. These little things open doors.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Wow. Isn't it ironic that David would show up on the same day that you and Mike exchange keys?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Yeah. You know, and given my lifelong search for irony you can imagine how happy I am.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Funniest guy she's ever met. I'm funny, right? What do you know? You're a door. You just like knock-knock jokes. Save it for inside.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Hey, I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica's around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Joey: Ooh. I don't know, Chandler. I'm not so good with remembering lines.
Chandler: Well, thank God your livelihood doesn't depend on it.
Joey: I know, right?

Quote from Monica

Chandler: [hoarse] Hello. [coughs, hoarse] Hello.
Monica: I love my new job!
Chandler: Honey, you're screaming.
Monica: You bet your ass I am. I just had the best first day ever. The kitchen? Twice as big as Allessandro's.
Chandler: Oh, that's great.
Monica: And clean? Not just health department-clean, Monica-clean.
Chandler: Awesome.
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Jeffrey, he's the maitre d'. Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt the funniest guy I have ever met.
[Chandler bolts up in bed]

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I'm sorry. It's obviously way too early for us to be having that conversation.
Mike: Is it?
Phoebe: Maybe not. Is it?
Mike: When I got divorced I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time.
Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you. And- This may be crazy-soon, but I want you to have this. No, not- That's gum. Oh, five bucks. I love it when that happens, you know? It's like, you don't know it's there-
Phoebe: I know, Mike. Why don't you keep digging?
Mike: Oh, sorry.
Phoebe: Oh. It's a key. To be honest, I think I'd prefer the five dollars.

Quote from David

David: There's an old Russian expression that goes [speaking Russian] Roughly translated, that means: "This thing that I'm looking at: Wow."
Phoebe: Thank you. You should see me when- Actually, no, I look pretty good.

Quote from Phoebe

[Monica laughs]
Chandler: See, that's funny with the fricken, right?
Monica: No, it just reminds me of something this guy did today at work. I told you about that funny guy, Jeffrey, right?
Chandler: Yeah, he came up.
Monica: Well, he did this bit. You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minnelli locked in our freezer eating a raw chicken.
[Phoebe laughs]
Chandler: Were you there?
Phoebe: No, but it sounds like it was fricken funny.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Why are we doing this?
Chandler: Monica says that her maitre d' is the funniest guy she's ever met.
Joey: Seriously? She actually said that?
Chandler: Yes. Am I crazy to be this upset?
Joey: No. Being funny's your thing.
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: Without that, you just got "lame with women"!

Quote from Ross

Ross: See, that is the problem. He is too sensitive.
Rachel: What? Too sensitive to take care of our baby?
Ross: No, I mean, all I'm saying is that guy- These are amazing.
Rachel: Sandy made madeleines.
Ross: This is exactly what I'm talking about. What kind of a guy makes delicate French cookies? Huh? They're not even butch, manly cookies with, you know, with chunks.
Rachel: Well, you know, I don't know what to say. I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. Because I gotta tell you, Ross, it's not like you just came in from branding cattle.
Ross: Hey, there's sensitive and there's too sensitive.
Rachel: Okay, what is too sensitive?
[Sandy starts playing Green Sleeves on the recorder]

Quote from Joey

Ross: Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
Joey: Really? Guys do that? That's weird.
Ross: Thank you.
Joey: Yeah, that's like a woman wanting to be a-
Ross: What? What's the end of that sentence?
Monica: Yes. What is the end of that sentence?
Joey: Um... a penis model.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Anyway, did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you ever met? Monica: Yeah. So?
Ross: Wow.
Joey: Really? Do you not know Chandler?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Being funny is Chandler's thing. You know, like Ross's thing is...
Ross: Science? Academia? Being a good father?
Joey: No.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: What are you guys talking about?
Ross: Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny? You got a "manny"? [Monica laughs, Ross and Joey follow] You know, I don't mind a male nanny but I do draw the line at male wet nurse.
Monica: Oh, oh. You are on a roll, mister.
Chandler: If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would've brought more pizza.
Monica: Okay. Okay. Stop it, you. You stop it.
Chandler: What is so funny about that?
Monica: I don't know, it's Just the way you say it. I mean, you're funny. You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy.
Chandler: Did you tell her what we talked about?
Joey: [laughs] Yeah.
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? Pity laughs?!

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Honey, listen. You have nothing to worry about with Jeffrey.
Chandler: Oh, yeah? Is he funnier than me?
Monica: Well, you're different funny. I mean, you're more sarcastic. And, well, he does bits and impressions and limericks.
Chandler: I do limericks. Uh, there once was a man named Chandler whose wife made him die inside.

Quote from Ross

Monica: You know that joke you told me last week? The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye. That slayed me.
Ross: Hey. I made up that joke and told it to you.
Joey: Not knowing when to shut up.
Ross: Yep, that's my thing.

Quote from David

David: Yes, but you should know, she really likes you. In fact, I don't think you realize just how lucky you are, fella.
Mike: Don't point your finger at me.
David: Why? What are you gonna do about it?
Mike: Well, I'll show you what I'm gonna do about it.
David: Oh, really? Really?
Mike: You want some of that?
Phoebe: Stop it! Stop it! Before someone gets really hurt. Here, David, you should just go.
David: All right. But if I ever do come back from Minsk, well, you just better watch out.
Mike: Well, if I ever go to Minsk, you better watch out.
David: Oh, you're going to Minsk?
Mike: Well, I might.
David: Really? Well, if you do, come in the spring. It's just lovely there.

Quote from Ross

Ross: You know, I'm just not that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.
Sandy: That's fair. Although, can I ask, why do you think that is?
Ross: Why? I don't know. Um. Maybe because of my father? You know, when I was growing up, he was kind of a tough guy. You know, and as a kid, I wasn't the athlete I am now.
[Rachel laughs]
Ross: I play squash! Anyway, I always got the feeling he thought I was too sensitive.
Sandy: That must have been hard.
Ross: It was hard. I remember I was in my bedroom, playing with my dinosaurs. Playing and learning. And my father walks in and says, "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you? Why aren't you outside playing like a real boy?"
Sandy: But you are a real boy.
Ross: I know I am. And when it's summer and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top?
Sandy: It's all right. Crying is good. It lets the boo-hoos out.
Ross: Here comes some more!

Quote from Joey

Sandy: And what's the one kind of boat that can never ever sink?
Joey: What kind?
Sandy: A friend ship.
Joey: Wow. You blow my mind.
Sandy: I gotta go.
Joey: How much do I owe you?
Sandy: Twenty bucks.
Joey: It's like the cheapest college ever.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: What are you gonna do?
Phoebe: I mean, I guess I just have to tell David that nothing can happen between us. Unless I don't. You know, complicated moral situation? No right, no wrong?
Monica: You have to tell David.
Phoebe: Okay, I knew I should've had this conversation with Joey.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: So Oklahoma's a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner State. Frankly, I'd sooner be in any other state. And what's with Oklahoma having a panhandle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey, yeah, I'm from the waistband of Wyoming. But when I was 7, we headed over to the crotch.
Monica: Was your cabin pressurized?
Chandler: And don't get me started on the way the people from Tulsa talk.
Phoebe: Okay.
Chandler: What's with the word "y'all"? You know, just two words just pushed together? Are we all allowed to do that? Because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken could be fricken. Waiter? Waiter, excuse me, I'll have the fricken!

Quote from Ross

Ross: Did Rachel tell you we hired a male nanny?
Monica: Yeah, I think that's great.
Ross: Did she tell you he plays the recorder, recites poetry and bakes madeleines?
Monica: Oh. How are they?
Ross: Lighter than air, but that's not the point.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Worse comes to worst, we can always reconsider the first one we met with.
Rachel: What, the blond with no bra?
Ross: She was blond?


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