Joey: So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today.
Monica: What is DOOL?
Joey: Days Of Our Lives. Anyway, you're not going to believe it. My character is coming out of his coma.
Chandler: That's wonderful.
Rachel: Wow, Joey.
Joey: And not only that. I'm getting a new brain!
Chandler: So great things are happening at work and in your personal life.

Monica: What is that?
Chandler: I think it's the Dying Cat Parade.
Monica: It sounds like it's coming from across the street.
Chandler: Oh, my God.
Monica: What?
Chandler: You know that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding? He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "You're half Scottish, right?"
Monica: No. There is no way. It cannot be Ross. Unbelievable. Why is your family Scottish?
Chandler: Why is your family Ross?

Joey: I've been watching some tapes. How's this? [in a British accent] Jessica Lockhart will never step foot in this place again! Never!
Cecilia Monroe: Oh, but Jessica doesn't have an English accent.
Joey: I can do an English accent? That baby's going on my resume.

Rachel: First name on the speed dial is "Mom."
Phoebe: Oh. I lost my mom to suicide.
Rachel: Okay, no way. You ca not use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin.
Phoebe: Did I use that already today? I'm sorry.

Cecilia Monroe: Good news. I got another job.
Joey: Great. Hey, all right. What is it?
Cecilia Monroe: A film in Guadalajara.
Joey: The airport?
Cecilia Monroe: No, that's LaGuardia. This is Mexico.

Monica: Who are they killing off?
Joey: Cecilia Monroe. She plays Jessica Lockhart.
Rachel and Monica: No!
Rachel: She is so good at throwing drinks in people's faces. I mean, I don't think I've ever seen her finish a beverage.
Monica: And the way she slaps people, wouldn't you love to do that just once.
Chandler: Don't do it.
Joey: And she's been on the show forever. It's gonna be really hard to fill her shoes.
Ross: Yeah, yeah. Help me out here. When you come out of the "brain transplant" you are going to be her?
Joey: Yes, but in Drake Ramoray's body.
[Ross stammers]
Joey: Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist.

Rachel: What if he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it and I answer and we start talking and we fell in love? I mean, wouldn't that be a great story? Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age.

Joey: That was a great scene. And that slapped looked so real. How do you do that?
Cecilia Monroe: Oh, just years of experience.
Dina: Can I get some ice here?

Joey: I just wanted to say how wonderful I think you are.
Cecilia Monroe: You're not the fan who's dying, are you?
Joey: No, I'm Joey Tribbiani. We did a scene together yesterday. I'm the guy in the coma.
Cecilia Monroe: Oh, that was a real person?

Joey: I just wanted to say, since I'm getting your brain when you leave the show I was wondering if there's any tips-
Cecilia Monroe: I'm leaving the show?
Joey: I don't know. Why? Did you hear something?
Cecilia Monroe: Who told you that?
Joey: One of the writers.
Cecilia Monroe: Which writer? Was it bald or was it tall? You know, it doesn't matter, because it is not true.
Joey: Okay.
Cecilia Monroe: And if it were true, how dare you come to me and ask me for tips about a character I've played for 20 years! I'll give you a tip- [throws a drink in Joey's face]
Joey: Miss Monroe- [Cecilia slaps him] Oh, there you go.