Ross Geller Quotes Page 1 of 49

Quote from The One with the Cop

Ross: Here we go. All right. Ready? Turn! Turn! Turn!
Chandler: I don't think we can turn any more!
Rachel: Ross, I just don't think it's going to fit.
Ross: Yeah, it will. Come on. Up, up, up! Up! Yes. Here we go. Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot!
Chandler: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

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Quote from The One with the Jellyfish

Rachel: My mom never thought this would work out. She said, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Oh, I just wish we hadn't lost those four months. But if time was what you needed to gain a little perspective.
Ross: We were on a break!

Quote from The One Where Everybody Finds Out

Ross: A new place for a new Ross. I'm going to have you and all the guys from work over, you know, once it's furnished.
Donald: I must say, it's nice to see you back on your feet.
Ross: Well, I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Donald: I wonder if it's time for you to rejoin our museum team?
Ross: Oh, Donald, that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I- What? No! No! What are you doing? Get off my sister!

Quote from The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel

Russell: You got married again?
Ross: Yes.
Russell: So that's your second marriage in two years?
Ross: Yes. Second in two years. Third, overall.
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never have I had so much business from one client.

Quote from The One Where Monica Sings

Rachel: I cannot believe you. You know, I actually came in here hoping to have a mature conversation about us. But I can't do that with someone who hides my messages and brings crazy women back to my apartment.
Ross: Hey, none of the sane ones wanted to come back with me!

Quote from The One with the Tea Leaves

Mona: Oh, my God! Ross!
Ross: Hello.
Mona: Ross, what are you doing?
Ross: Not touching myself, if that makes anyone less uncomfortable.

Quote from The One with Ross's Tan

Ross: Wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall. How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? My eyes!
The same thing happened again!
Tanning Salon Guy: You got two more twos?
Ross: I'm an eight!

Quote from The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance

Ross: So without retesting their results in the laboratory, the team would never have identified the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis. Were there any questions at this point? Yes?
Student: What's happening to your accent?
Ross: [in a British accent] Come again? What's this nonsense? [laughs] All right. I'm not English. I'm from Long Island. I was really nervous, and the accent just came out. I'm sorry. So if we could just get back to the lecture. Um, were there any questions? About paleontology? All right, look, I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because I'm hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you'd just give me another chance to make a good impression-
Rachel: Ross. Are you crazy? I am still your wife? What, were you just never gonna tell me? What the hell is wrong with you? Ugh, I could just kill you!
Ross: [in a British accent] Well, 'ello, Rachel!

Quote from The One with Unagi

Ross: Danger! Danger!
Rachel: What the hell was that?
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi.
Phoebe: You're a freak!
Ross: Perhaps. Now, I'm curious. At what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
Rachel: All right, so we weren't prepared.
Ross: I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I just want you guys to be safe.
[Monica opens the apartment door to take out the trash]
Ross: Danger! [Monica walks by unfazed] Ah, huh? Unagi.

Quote from The One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 1)

Rachel: Dr. Long, I've been at this for 17 hours. Three women have come and gone with their babies. You gotta give me some good news. How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Dr. Long: Three.
Ross: Just three? I'm dilated three!

Quote from The One Where Ross Got High

Ross: Well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing. Monica did.

Quote from The One with Rachel's Dream

Ross: Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. I seem to have forgotten a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? Thank you. Okay, a toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, Band-Aids, shaving cream, after shave. And I feel like I'm forgetting something. Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already? Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.

Quote from The One Where Rachel Tells...

Ross: I'm just saying. If you can't eat by yourself, how do you expect to have a baby by yourself?
Rachel: I can too eat by myself.
Ross: When have you ever?
Rachel: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished.
Ross: Well, certain other people take two hours to eat a bowl soup.
Rachel: Please, you inhale your food.
Ross: I grew up with Monica. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!

Quote from The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel

Russell: Why don't you tell me what happened?
Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas, and we got drunk.
Russell: I'm sorry, is this the same Rachel whose name you said at the altar in the second marriage?
Ross: Yes, yes, yes. But I do not love her.
Russell: Oh. That's better then.
Ross: This was just a drunken mistake, and I need to get it annulled.
Russell: I see. Have you considered therapy?
Ross: I think just the annulment for today.
Russell: There are a couple of forms to fill out.
Ross: Easy.
Russell: And we will need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of sound mind.
Ross: No problem.
Russell: And we'll need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.
Ross: Ooh. There's no way to do this without her? Because I kind of already told her it was taken care of.
Russell: Of course you did. Look, Ross, you can't get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there.
Ross: Uh-huh. What about someone who looks like Rachel? I will think about the therapy.

Quote from The One Where No One Proposes

Ross: But I don't understand how any of this happened. What, did she find the ring in my jacket, assume I was gonna propose, throw it on and just start telling people?
Phoebe: No, no. She said you actually proposed to her.
Ross: Well, I didn't. I didn't propose. Unless... Did I? I haven't slept in 40 hours. And it does sound like something I would do.

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