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The One with the Metaphorical Tunnel

‘The One with the Metaphorical Tunnel’

Season 3, Episode 4 -  Aired October 10, 1996

Chandler gets advice from Monica and Rachel as he worries his relationship with Janice is getting serious. Meanwhile, Phoebe pretends to be Joey's agent and Ross is upset that Ben is playing with a Barbie doll.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: And there's more. We should take a trip.
Janice: We should?
Chandler: We're a couple, and that's what couples do. And I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents.
Janice: [laughs] I don't think we need to because you're tripping me out right now. Are you okay?
Chandler: No, I am. I actually am. I mean, this is amazing. My entire life, I have feared this place. And now that I'm here, it's like, what was the big deal? I mean, I could probably say, "Let's move in together," and I'd be okay.
Janice: You probably want us to move in together?
Chandler: It doesn't scare me.
Janice: Yeah, well it scares me. I mean, I'm not even divorced yet. You just invited me over here for pasta and all of a sudden you're talking about moving in together. And I wasn't even that hungry. You know what? It's getting really late, and I should just-
Chandler: Don't go. I've scared you. I've said too much. I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!


Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: [high-pitched voice] Hi, this is Caitlin from Phoebe Buffay's office. Is Anne there for Phoebe? She'll know what it's about.
Joey: Hang up. Hang up right.
Phoebe: [in a Brooklyn accent] Annie? Hi. Listen, we've got a problem with Joey Tribbiani. Apparently, he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle? No, I don't know what to do with her. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment. The world does not stop.
Chandler: Is anybody else scared?
Phoebe: Well, look, all right. If Joey loses this audition, then that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie, you are a doll. What time can you see him?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: [high-pitched voice] Hi. I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, she's in her car, I'll have to patch you through.
Rachel: Very nice touch.
Phoebe: [high-pitched voice] Okay, go ahead. [in a Brooklyn accent] Hi, Annie? Fantastic.
You got it! Okay, will he work for scale, you ask me? Well, I don't know about that. Except that I do and he will. Great. Oh, you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you. How about we have lunch next- Ooh, went through a tunnel.

Quote from Ross

Monica: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbie. Big deal. You used to dress up like a woman.
Ross: What?
Monica: The way you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time?
Ross: What are you talking about?
Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pink handbag?
Ross: Okay. You are totally making this up.
Monica: How can you not remember? You made us call you "Bea"?
Ross: Oh, God.
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Monica: Wasn't there a little song?
Carol: Oh, please, God, let there be a song.
Ross: There was no song. There was no song.
Monica: I am Bea, I drink tea-
Ross: That's enough.
Monica: Won't you- Won't you- Won't you-
Ross: Won't you dance around with me?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: I got it. Pretend you just woke up. That'll throw her off. Be sleepy.
Rachel: Yes. And grumpy.
Chandler: What are you-? Stop naming dwarfs!

Quote from Susan

Carol: G.I. Joe? G.I. Joe?!
Ross: I don't know what to tell you guys. That's the doll he chose.
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hey, Janice, it's me. I wanted to apologize in advance for having chased you down the street.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Here you go, honey. This will help.
Chandler: So I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship's going too fast and we have to slow down.
Monica: That is never good.
Chandler: Then I got all ... needy and clingy.
Rachel: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Maybe it's not so bad. How did you leave it?
Chandler: She said she'd call me.
[Monica and Rachel groan]
Chandler: Oh, God.
Monica: Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
Chandler: This ice cream tastes like crap, by the way.
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's that low-cal-nondairy-soyamilk junk. We save the real stuff for the truly terminal cases.
Monica: You know, when you start getting screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low fat.
Rachel: Yeah, you do.

Quote from Chandler

Janice: Chandler.
Chandler: [in a British accent] Hello, Janice.
Janice: What are you doing here?
Chandler: Uh, just a bit of shopping. How have you been?
Janice: Are you being British?
Chandler: [in his normal voice] No. Not anymore.

Quote from Chandler

Janice: So one of two things are happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet, or else you're pretending to see somebody, which just makes you so pathetic I could start crying here in the cereal aisle. So which of these two guys do you want to be?
Chandler: [looking off in the distance] Can I be that guy?

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