Chandler: Well, that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon.
Joey: You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?
Chandler: Yes, it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.

Phoebe: So I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Joey: Oh, no, not you too?
Phoebe: No, no. I just went to get Phoebe Buffay's checks. There were a lot of them.
Joey: Nice.
Phoebe: And I won't have to go back there anymore, because I gave them my "correct address."
Joey: That's great, but isn't it going to bother you that people still think you're a porn star?
Phoebe: Oh, no, I know how to handle it.
Joey: Good.
Phoebe: Yeah. [to a random guy] You trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, I'll give you a hint. From porn! Yeah, your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! [to Joey] See?
Joey: Yeah.

Chandler: Come on, I mean, we get married, I'm up at the altar and I'm like this [blank stare].
Monica: I won't care. Because I know that you'll be feeling it all in here.
Chandler: Yeah?
Monica: Yeah. And if we have a baby one day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room, and you don't cry, so what? And If we take him to college and we come home, and we see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing? It won't matter to me.
Chandler: Okay. Well, I won't worry about this anymore then.
Monica: And then, you know, if I die, from a long illness, and you're writing out my eulogy. And you open the desk drawer and you find a note from me that says: "I will always be with you", and you still can't shed one tiny tear? I know you'll be crying a river inside.
Chandler: I love you.
Monica: What is wrong with you?!
Chandler: What?
Monica: What? You can't shed a tear for your dead wife? I left you a note from the beyond!
Chandler: So you didn't mean any of that?
Monica: No, you robot!

Joey: I can't believe Ross is going out with Rachel's sister. When Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for 10 years.
Chandler: That was, like, five years ago.
Joey: Yeah, you got five years left.
Chandler: Joey-
Joey: You want to make it six?

Phoebe: You know what's sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No, two. Because on the third day my mom killed herself, so I was partly crying for that.

Rachel: I'm jealous of her? Who does she think she is, Princess Caroline?
Monica: You're jealous of Princess Caroline?
Rachel: Do I have my own castle?

Monica: Why are you reading this? You hate this kind of stuff.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, but I figured I'd give it a shot. I mean, maybe one of those stories may will me cry, then you won't think I'm all dead inside.
Monica: Oh, that's so sweet. Chandler, I don't care if you can't cry. I love you.
Chandler: Oh, that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest.

Rachel: So did you guys hit it off?
Ross: I guess so.
Rachel: So did anything happen? Because rumor has it you guys shut the drapes.
Ross: No. No. Nothing happened. I shut the drapes to show her slides of my favorite fossils.
Rachel: Oh, slides. So really nothing happened.
Ross: Something could've happened. All right, she really dug my slides. And she was definitely giving me the vibe.
Rachel: Was it the "Please don't show me another picture of a trilobite" vibe?

Ross: Phoebe's not here, is she?
Rachel: No.
Monica: Oh, great. Did you get a movie?
Joey: Yeah. Yeah. But I don't think it's the kind you're gonna like.
Chandler: You didn't get more movies that'll have us reaching for the tissues all night, did you?
Joey: Sort of.

Monica: What's going on?
Joey: Phoebe's a porn star!
Chandler: What?
Joey: Yeah.
Rachel: What are you talking about?
Chandler: "Phoebe Buffay in Buffay The Vampire Layer."
Rachel: Oh, my God.
Monica: That's Phoebe. Where did you get that?
Joey: Down at the adult video place on Bleecker.
Ross: And I saw Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to surprise him. And then I pretended that I didn't know he was in there.