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‘The One with the Monkey’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Monkey

110. The One with the Monkey

Aired December 15, 1994

After the group make a pact not to bring dates to their New Year's Eve party, they are soon looking for a way out of their promise. When Phoebe interrupts two guys who are being noisy during her performance at Central Perk, she meets David.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. [singing] I made a man with eyes of coal, And a smile so bewitching, How was I supposed to know, That my mom was dead in the kitchen?

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Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: [singing] My mother's ashes, Even her eyelashes, Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's freezing, I feel a little sneezy, And now I-

Quote from Janice

Janice: I'm gonna blow this one up and write "Reunited" in glitter.
Chandler: All right, Janice, that's it! Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice, when I invited you, I didn't necessarily think it meant-
Janice: Oh, no! Oh, no! [crying]
Chandler: I'm sorry you misunderstood.
Janice: Oh, my God. You listen to me, Chandler. You listen to me. One of these times, it's just gonna be your last chance with me!

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: That's Marcel. Wanna say hi?
Monica: No, no, I don't.
Rachel: HOh, he is precious. Where did you get him?
Ross: My friend Bethel saved him from a lab.
Phoebe: That is so cruel. Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: So, guys, I'm doing all-new material tonight. I have 12 new songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman.
Chandler: You might want to open with the snowman.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Excuse me? Excuse me? Yeah, noisy boys. Is it something you'd like to share with the entire group?
Max: No. No, that's okay.
Phoebe: Well, come on, if it's important enough while I'm playing then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear.
Chandler: That guy's going home with a note.

Quote from David

David: [mumbling] I was just saying-
Phoebe: Speak up.
David: Sorry, l was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my life. And then he said that he thought-
Max: Daryl Hannah
David: -was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen in his life. And then I said I liked her in Splash a lot, but not so much in Wall Street. I thought she had a-
Max: hard quality-
David: And while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then that's when you started yelling.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: David's, like, a scientist guy. He's very methodical.
Monica: I think it's romantic.
Phoebe: Me too! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman? He's kind of like the guy I went to see that with.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: If you're working late, I can look in on him.
Ross: That would be great! But make sure it seems like you're there to see him. You're not doing it for me.
Chandler: Okay. But if he asks, I'm not going to lie.

Quote from Monica

Janice: I love this artichoke thing. Don't tell me what's in it. The diet starts tomorrow. [laughing]
Chandler: You remember Janice.
Monica: Vividly.

Quote from Chandler

Janice: There you are! You got away from me.
Chandler: But you found me.
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. Smile. You're on Janice Camera. [laughs]
Chandler: Kill me. Kill me now.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on his ass.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hi, Max.
Max: Yoko.


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