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‘The One with the Monkey’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Friends: The One with the Monkey

110. The One with the Monkey

Aired December 15, 1994

After the group make a pact not to bring dates to their New Year's Eve party, they are soon looking for a way out of their promise. When Phoebe interrupts two guys who are being noisy during her performance at Central Perk, she meets David.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. [singing] I made a man with eyes of coal, And a smile so bewitching, How was I supposed to know, That my mom was dead in the kitchen?

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Quote from Janice

Janice: I'm gonna blow this one up and write "Reunited" in glitter.
Chandler: All right, Janice, that's it! Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice, when I invited you, I didn't necessarily think it meant-
Janice: Oh, no! Oh, no! [crying]
Chandler: I'm sorry you misunderstood.
Janice: Oh, my God. You listen to me, Chandler. You listen to me. One of these times, it's just gonna be your last chance with me!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: [singing] My mother's ashes, Even her eyelashes, Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's freezing, I feel a little sneezy, And now I-

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: That's Marcel. Wanna say hi?
Monica: No, no, I don't.
Rachel: HOh, he is precious. Where did you get him?
Ross: My friend Bethel saved him from a lab.
Phoebe: That is so cruel. Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: So, guys, I'm doing all-new material tonight. I have 12 new songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman.
Chandler: You might want to open with the snowman.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Excuse me? Excuse me? Yeah, noisy boys. Is it something you'd like to share with the entire group?
Max: No. No, that's okay.
Phoebe: Well, come on, if it's important enough while I'm playing then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear.
Chandler: That guy's going home with a note.

Quote from David

David: [mumbling] I was just saying-
Phoebe: Speak up.
David: Sorry, l was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my life. And then he said that he thought-
Max: Daryl Hannah
David: -was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen in his life. And then I said I liked her in Splash a lot, but not so much in Wall Street. I thought she had a-
Max: hard quality-
David: And while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then that's when you started yelling.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: David's, like, a scientist guy. He's very methodical.
Monica: I think it's romantic.
Phoebe: Me too! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman? He's kind of like the guy I went to see that with.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: If you're working late, I can look in on him.
Ross: That would be great! But make sure it seems like you're there to see him. You're not doing it for me.
Chandler: Okay. But if he asks, I'm not going to lie.

Quote from Monica

Janice: I love this artichoke thing. Don't tell me what's in it. The diet starts tomorrow. [laughing]
Chandler: You remember Janice.
Monica: Vividly.

Quote from Chandler

Janice: There you are! You got away from me.
Chandler: But you found me.
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. Smile. You're on Janice Camera. [laughs]
Chandler: Kill me. Kill me now.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on his ass.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hi, Max.
Max: Yoko.

Quote from Ross

Monica: Is he gonna live with you in your apartment?
Ross: Yeah. It's been kind of quiet since Carol left.
Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?
Ross: I don't know. You reach a certain age, having a roommate is just kind of pathet- Sorry, that's "pathet", which is Sanskrit for "really cool way to live."

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're going to be doing for New Year's? Hey, what? What is wrong with New Year's?
Chandler: Well, nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressure of this holiday. The desperate pressure to find anything with lips just so you can have somebody to kiss when the ball drops! Man, I'm talking loud!

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo's gonna be in Rome this New Year's. So I'll be just as pathetic as you guys.
Phoebe: Yeah, you wish.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean by my sixth date with Paolo, he'd already named both my breasts. Ooh, did I just share too much?
Ross: Just a smidge.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: I just wanna be with him all the time. You know, day and night. And night and day. And special occasions.
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute. I see where this is going. You're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you? You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
Phoebe: No! No, no. No. Yeah, could I just?
Chandler: Yeah. 'cause I already asked Janice.
Monica: What?
Ross: Come on, this was a pact! This was your pact!
Chandler: I snapped, okay. I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped!
Monica: But Janice? That was like the worst breakup in history!
Chandler: I'm not saying it was a good idea. I'm just saying I snapped.

Quote from Chandler

[Joey arrives in his elf costume]
Chandler: Too many jokes. Must mock Joey.
Joey: Nice shoes, huh? [his elf shoes jingle]
Chandler: God, you're killing me!

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